I could never understand him...

The unwavering support with how I present myself,

Should I change my hair? Sure. Grow it out,dye it pink? That would look great. Shave it off keep it buzzed? That would look sharp. What would you think if I went for a punky, nerdy girl look? That would be hot! I don't feel like getting all dressed up can I wear one of your shirts? You're so cute of course. I wanna dress sexy today show some skin, is that ok? Yes! Show'em how hot my girl is!

I could never understand him...

How he would just know,

Bad days meant flowers and ice cream, we'd watch movies and do whatever I wanted. I wouldn't have to be alone or have it lead to a fight. He just knew how to handle my moods and was patient, within hours I would be laughing and smiling where on my own it would take days. I wouldn't have to tell him, he would look at me and know.

I could never understand him...

I could tell him anything without judgment,

He would listen to anything, the good, the bad, he didn't care. He wanted to hear everything about me, make a safe space for me. He would listen to the fun days I had with ex's and it didn't bother him, and in return I would hear his. And it would make me smile, whenever he was it would make me happy even if I wasn't the one to cause it. He taught me how to let go of the bad things, like asking permission for how I dressed, or who I hung out with, or when I hung out. I don't need to ask, I I'm an adult, it's my decision. I didn't need to apologize all the time, especially when I didn't do anything wrong. When I would apologize, he would tell me to stop or give me a kiss. I needed to forget those assholes.

I could never understand him...

I would only have to tell him once..

And that was just it, it only took once. Send out that letter tomorrow please, this is my favorite movie you should watch it, kisses and bites on my neck is my weakness, tulips are my favorites, my birthday is December 2nd. And he would listen, no reminders, or nagging he was on top of it.

I could never understand him...

Why he would want me?

He was the sweetest, patient, supportive, happiest, honest, loyal, kind, funniest, carefree, loving, handsomest man I have ever know. So why did he want me? Why was he willing to go through so much to be with me? I couldn't tell you... I've wracked my brain trying to find an answer. It's a good question, the good kind of question where the world is falling apart and you can only smile to your friends because you know you'll be ok.

My grandmother used to have a saying, "There's a funny thing about good questions, they don't always have an answer."

If that's the only answer I ever get, I guess that's ok. He sees something beautiful in me that I will never see or understand and that's why I'll never understand him.

Just a little drabble I wrote after staying up way too late...

Its 11 I have to be up at 4

I've had the worst luck the last two weeks with work and life in general, but my boyfriend has been there for every step and tear along the way. He's different than anyone I have ever known, I feel like I've found my Collins (the renthead in me is still strong). He's everything I ever imagined Collins to be and he treats me like Angel, theres nothing but love support and happy times. We haven't been together long, we had to fight to get here but we are here to stay till the bitter end.

Basically this story is us... I like to project on my favorite characters I'm sorry it's been 8 years they've been a part of my life. Sue me.