I was walking towards the subway station, trying to get to my hotel before it got too dark. In retrospect I'd probably stayed out too late, but in my defense it was the New York Comic-Con! The odds of me getting to go again in this decade was slim to none. I shivered, wishing I'd brought a coat. Unfortunately, I'd decided against it, reasoning that it would clash with my outfit. I'd decided to go with Harley Quinn's New 52 look. Her costume in the New Suicide Squad series to be specific. I'd gone all out, painting my skin white and growing out and dyeing my hair so I wouldn't need a wig, and I'd even made a giant mallet like the one she had in Assault on Arkham. It was a bit of a pain to lug around, but I'd grown used to the weight.

As I walked down the street I noticed something odd-a bright blue light in the side of a building. Curious, I stepped inside the alley. If I got mugged, well, that's what the giant mallet was for. I blinked as I saw a large round hole that opened up into a bright blue sky. Surprised, I stuck my head into the hole to look around. For a second, nothing happened. Then there was a sharp sucking motion and I was yanked through the hole, which, unfortunately, resulted in me falling ten feet before landing head first on the stone ground and promptly falling unconscious.

...

In retrospect, sticking my head through some random, possibly magical hole in the side of a building had probably been a bad idea.

I woke up some time later. I'm not sure exactly how long, but it couldn't have been too long because the sky was still bright and I was still upside down, my legs propped up against the side of a building. If I'd been like that for hours, somebody would have noticed, right?

I let out a groan and slowly rolled over, trying to get back on my feet. Once that had been accomplished I looked around, trying to get a sense of my surroundings. The roads were dirt, oddly enough, and the buildings looked vaguely not American, though I couldn't put a name to what they were. Judging by the few shop signs I could see I was probably somewhere Asian, though it was entirely possible that the weird squiggles were simply a result of my subconscious. I think I remembered hearing that you couldn't read things in dreams, so that would explain a lot. Because this had to be a dream. After all, magic portals weren't real. If they were, then that'd mean is never see my friends again. I'd never see my dau...I firmly shook my head. No, definitely a dream. It had to be.

As I looked around I noticed a small blonde kid getting chased into an alley by two men. I scowled. It was one thing to see a kid getting picked on by other kids. My experiences in elementary and high school had taught me that that was normal and nobody who wasn't directly involved was going to care unless bones got broken. (Middle school had been fairly peaceful oddly enough.) But adults? Yeah, I wasn't going to let that slide. And when one of them raised a fist to hit the kid? That was when I snapped.

"Hey creep!" I yelled, rushing towards them with my mallet raised. "Pick on someone your own age!" The two men barely had time to react before I hit the first man in the head. For the first time I was really glad I'd went with a solid metal mallet. It had taken me two months of solid weight training to be able to lift the damn thing, let alone swing it around, but it was paying off now. The first man dropped to the ground. There was a second's pause, then his friend ran at me. I swung the mallet low, hitting him in the gut, then Spartan kicked him in the head. As I stood there, looking down at the two men, a wave of confusion washed over me and I shook my head. Where had that come from? I'd never gotten in a fight before, that was what my friend Sara was for. And yet I'd rushed in like a maniac to help out some random kid. Must have been maternal instinct.

"Hey kid, you ok?" I asked, looking down at the blonde boy. Strangely enough, he had six whisker like marks on his face, three on each cheek. His eyes were bright blue, and his hair was surprisingly spiky. I frowned as he just continued to stare up at me, but then I face palmed. I was still in costume, which meant that the poor boy had just been chased into an alley by two much larger adults, then 'saved' by a crazy clown lady. He'd be having nightmares about this for months.

"That was awesome!" The boy yelled, startling me. I looked at him. It seemed he could bounce back pretty quick. "You must be some kind of super ninja!" That made me raise an eyebrow. Super ninja? Hardly. Crazy sexy clown was more like it.

"You see a lot of ninjas running around looking like me?" I demanded, setting the mallet's head on the ground and leaning on the handle. He screwed up his face in concentration, making him look like a confused puppy. It was adorable.

"No..." He admitted slowly. "But you're really strong, so you must be a ninja!" Then he gave me a suspicious look. "Unless you're a vampire. Are you a vampire?"

"Wh...what?" I spluttered. "Why would you think I'm a vampire?" He shrugged.

"I've never seen anybody else as pale as you. And vampires are really pale." I winced and hoped that he wouldn't run into any albinos any time soon with that attitude.

"Kid it's just body paint, see?" I licked my finger and ran it over my arm, but the makeup didn't come off. I paused, then started rubbing harder, but it still wasn't coming off. After a solid minute did nothing I gave up, staring at my arm. "Well that's upsetting." I muttered numbly. Something occurred to me. "Oh, please don't let the mask be fused to my face." I moaned. Fortunately, it wasn't. "Hey kid, what color is the skin around my eyes?" I asked, shoving the mask into a pouch on my left thigh.

"The same as the rest of you, why?" I let out another moan.

"Stupid magic hole. I like Harley Quinn. I like dressing up like her. That doesn't mean I want to be her!" I sighed, then looked at the boy. "What's your name kid?"

"Naruto Uzamaki." He said. I held out a hand.

"Molly Mills." Naruto, huh. That name seemed vaguely familiar. I tried to place it, then shrugged it off. Oh well, it probably wasn't important. Whatever I was thinking of probably had nothing to do with the boy in front of me anyway. Naruto looked at me, startled, then tentatively shook my hand.

"So you're not a vampire?"

"Am I burning up in the sun?" I demanded. He looked up at the sky, then at me, and blushed, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head with his eyes closed. Damn but he could be adorable.

"Oh, right, I forgot about that. Heh heh." He chuckled nervously. The man that I'd Spartan kicked groaned slightly and started to move, but I kicked him in the side of the head and he shut up. That seemed to remind Naruto of his original theory. "Well if you're not a vampire than that means you're a super ninja!" I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose. Why wasn't he getting the clown thing? Maybe I'd have understood if I'd gone as Injustice Harley since she didn't look too much like a clown, and it wasn't as blatant as Classic Harley, but still!

"Kid, have you really never seen a clown before?" I demanded. He gave me a confused look that answered my question for me. I just sighed. "I'm not a ninja, I'm not a vampire, I'm just a very stupid seventeen year old girl with an excessive sense of curiosity."

"But...you beat up those guys like it was nothing!" He protested.

"Because it was nothing." I told him, rolling my eyes. "Those two couldn't fight worth crap." I paused, looking at the two men speculatively, and nudged one with my foot. When he didn't respond I shrugged and crouched down, rifling through his pockets.

"What are you doing?" Naruto asked.

"Looting." I told him simply. "When you beat somebody up after they attack you you should always go through their pockets to see if they have anything good on them." That was video game logic, but since this was a dream I didn't mind telling the kid about the joys of looting.

"Really?"

"Of course. Just make sure they're really unconscious first. For idiots like these you just need to nudge them. But for real tough guys, kick them in the balls or stab them in the heart. Either way works." I was such a good role model. Frankie would be proud.

Fifteen minutes later I'd gotten a decent sized amount of cash from the two guys. I had no idea what it was worth, since I couldn't read, but whatever. Money was money. "Monies get." I said happily, putting the money in my pouch before frowning again. Where had that come from? Must have hit my head harder than I thought. I looked around, nodded, and picked the mallet up again, resting it on my shoulder. "Well, I'd better get going. Bye Naruto." I said, turning around. Nobody else had shown up to try and attack Naruto, so I'd concluded that this wasn't an often occurrence and that he'd probably get home safely. He wouldn't be walking around by himself if it was too dangerous after all.

"Wait, where are you going?" Naruto demanded. I shrugged.

"No clue. But I just beat up two guys, so I should leave before their friends show up. Besides, I want to see how big this world is. No way I'm wasting a dream like this staying in one place."

"...Can I come with you?" I looked down at him in surprise.

"Don't you have parents to get back to?" He shook his head sadly, and I winced. I'd seen that look of pain before, and I could tell it wasn't faked. "Orphanage?"

"They kicked me out." That brought out a flash of rage. I paused, thinking it over. I was about to go wander around this world aimlessly until I woke up, because this HAD to be a dream. There was no plan, no gear or preparation, just me, my mallet, and an undetermined amount of money. So, I smiled at Naruto and said,

"Sure, you can come along."

...

In retrospect, trying to walk out of a military village with an eight year old boy while still looking like a crazy clown lady was a bad idea.

Author's Notes

Thanks for reading guys! I hoped you liked it! Please review!