Author's Note:
How do you break writer's block? By writing! Or something. I need to get my fingers moving so that I can get back to my other fics. So for now, Sanji gets to be toyed with. Modern AU setting, college campus type deal.
I justify this fic based off of movie 7 (Giant Mecha Soldier of Karakuri Castle / Karakuri-jō no Meka Kyohei). Good job Sanji, way to work those machines.
Rated high thanks to swearing and the brief browsing of a porn site (no, I don't describe it, but I figured I'd mention it).
You could always tell when Sanji got back to the dorm hall. The ever-lingering smell of cigarette smoke (that they never really tried to hide from the R.A.s) always intensified as he boldly strolled to the door with a cig dangling from his lips, nearly burned down from the walk across campus. It was defiant and bold and made some girls think Sanji had a bit of a bad boy edge that he was keeping hidden from the ladies (considering he was all smiles and fawning and flattery if they got within a fifteen foot radius of him). He, of course, was happy to let the ladies of the college give him that bit of mystery. He certainly would never just admit that it really just came down to severe nicotine addiction and a bad temper. The poor R.A., for his part, consistently failed to get Sanji to bow to the dorm rules, and when he'd even mentioned taking it up with the administrators had been given a not so subtle hint that that would be a bad idea.
The point was, however, that Zoro could always tell when his roommate was back before the man would ever even get to the door of their room. That was handy, in some ways, for the little early roommate alert had given him warning on a couple of occasions where Zoro did not, for one reason or another, want the blond walking in on him. There was no privacy in their dorm room. It was just a room with two beds, two desks, two closets, and no bathroom. You had to go down the hall to shower or to take care of business. So… knowing when your roommate was nearing the room early had its advantages for a young adult male in his prime, and that's all there was to say on the matter.
Today Zoro was just about on his way out. He had a class to attend, and he was pulling on a random 'clean-enough' shirt as the blond finally sauntered in. They exchanged sounds that passed as a 'hello' between them, even if they consisted of only one syllable. Sanji strolled over to his side of the room, depositing his messenger bag onto his desk while Zoro fumbled about for some shoes. Having greeted each other, the two didn't have a whole lot to say. It wasn't that they hated each other. They'd known each other in high school, and hadn't been terribly upset to find out they'd been assigned as roommates at the same college. But, they also weren't really in the habit of welcoming each other home and gushing about their days. However, before Zoro could head out the door, backpack carelessly slung over his shoulder, the blond caught him with a quick shout.
"Oy, let me use your computer."
Zoro paused and turned, face neutral as he looked at his roomie. He didn't ask something like 'why'. He wasn't that inquisitive. It wasn't as though Sanji would be doing anything terribly exciting with the PC anyway. He frowned just a little though, brow twitching at the thought of the wannabe cook touching it.
"You didn't fix your laptop yet?"
If at all possible, they usually avoided talking about the laptop incident. It'd proven to be safer for both them and their furniture if the matter was never even hinted at. Even now, both young men were trying to block it out of their minds, shove the memory away lest their tempers try to urge them into an instant replay. They'd both been drunk. Sanji had said something to get on Zoro's nerves. Zoro had retorted back in such a biting manner it seemed to defy his 'dumb muscle head' stereotype. Goaded on by the insult that was better than most Sanji tossed out, the blond had gotten in his face. Then Zoro had moved as if to remind the blond that 'hey, I'm bigger than you'. The blond had glared as if to say 'that just makes more of you to kick'. Testosterone and good old alpha male syndrome kicked in pretty easily, the pair grappling at first considering how close they were standing. But the minute space had been created between them, some rather illegal swords had been pulled from concealment and feet had started flying.
They'd both replaced their furniture already. Sanji had apparently yet to replace the laptop he'd sent a foot through. In hindsight, it was probably a bad idea to leave it about on the floor. Lesson learned, don't leave your stuff cluttering up the ground, especially when you were prone to violent physical (and often bloody) combat with your roommate.
So when the blond just shook his head no, Zoro sighed and shrugged, turning back to the door. "Just don't try to download any porn, dartboard. My free antivirus ran out, so it's outta date or something." His voice was a drawl, only mildly antagonistic because he did indeed need to get to class. Besides, out of date just meant new viruses could slip past… the PC wasn't exactly defenseless and Sanji wasn't really a dumb blond when it came to stuff like that, was he?
"You're the one with the bookmarks," Sanji muttered at him, snorting out smoke through his nostrils as he watched the other head out of the room. He didn't head to the computer right away, kicking off his shoes and changing out of the clothes he wore to impress the ladies and into something comfortable and slummy and saturated with the smell of his cigarettes. He moved to crack the window open slightly, pausing for a moment to watch the commotion in the quad. His room was a good distance away, but it looked like it was Luffy at the heart of the matter, the campus clown's laughter ringing in Sanji's head even if he couldn't technically hear it from here. If Luffy was out there, then Usopp probably was too. He watched in mild amusement for a while, leaning against the sill on crossed arms, his cigarette mostly ignored and perched on his lips. From what he could see… something had been stolen from Franky… and there was a bit of a game of keep away going on. Whatever it the object was, it was small and brightly colored and apparently precious to the man. In all likelihood… Sanji was pretty glad he wasn't out there playing catch. He didn't have much desire to play with another man's Speedo.
He stubbed out his cig and moved to sit down at Zoro's desk, nudging the desktop PC he kept on the floor to life with his toe. Absently he pushed at the mild clutter Zoro had on his desk, clearing off enough space to drop his own battered Economics textbook down. The prospect of working on his Econ essay was not, of course, thrilling and exciting. He thought it was annoying that even though he was aiming to get into the culinary arts, he still needed to take business related courses. But, he understood that it'd be useful if he did end up owning his own restaurant some day, and so Economics had to be suffered through and passed. The only saving grace about that class was that the wonderfully lovely Nami was in it. She was one of the top students in the class, and it always made him swoon when she'd agree to tutor him… even if they both knew he didn't need it and she made him pay her quite a bit for the sessions.
"Okay… let's see…" He found the icon for the word document with no real problem, considering Zoro's virtual desktop was about as barren as could be. It even still had the default background image on it. Sanji double clicked to start up the word program, but his mind just was not on the Econ prompt right now. He felt probably like Luffy always did in a class, restless and with his mind on just about anything else possible. It wasn't like Sanji habitually had problems focusing. When he was cooking he could have made even the most disciplined monks jealous. When it came to other scholastic topics, he could usually at least settle down enough to get things done with solid quality. Passion or no, he wasn't really the sort to neglect what he needed to do.
Today though… he wasn't sure. Maybe it was the clean cloudless sky… maybe it was the antics of Luffy out on the quad… maybe it was just sitting at another person's desk… but Sanji was struggling to even remember the prompt of the essay. He turned his one visible eye to his desk, where he could see a pack of smokes sitting open on top. He licked his lips and his fingers itched to hold one. But he'd just smoked two in a row after his class, and while he knew at this point in his habits he was doomed anyway, he should really try to go at least an hour or so without one. Of course, that indulgent corner of his mind insisted he'd concentrate better with the nicotine calming him down. It seemed to make a lot of sense to him. He ground his teeth for a moment, waiting for some sort of conscience to fight back. It seemed his entire mind was in agreement that dead taste buds and future lung cancer weren't so bad. He got up, grabbed a cig and lit up, then was back staring at the blank word document.
He noticed, after about fifteen minutes, that he hadn't begun to type yet.
"Shitty Marimo's desk must be infecting me with his lethargy." Sanji kicked the desk with his heel in annoyance, the computer shaking from the indirect impact as well, as if somehow his roommate's belongings were the sole reason for his lack of productivity. With as much as the bastard seemed to nap all day, the blond was occasionally surprised the other finished his assignments on time. He rarely ever saw Zoro working on them. He knew that, despite what he'd say about the green haired one out loud, Zoro wasn't stupid. He was no genius and certainly not as smart as Sanji… but you'd think the guy would have to crack a book sometime. Eager for the distraction, Sanji started to click through Zoro's documents folder, seeking out some sort of proof that the moss head actually did his homework. He found a few documents saved there, and he quickly opened one up and started to read. He was sorely disappointed when the essay was incredibly average and mundane and without any obvious stupidity he could mock. It cut the diversion short, and Sanji sighed and scratched his hands through his hair in frustration.
"The hell is my problem tonight?" With a disgruntled huff, the blond pushed out with his feet so that his legs could be stretched straight out even with his body sliding down further on the chair. He slid down until the top of the chair back propped his head up just at the base of his skull. His arms relaxed and fell to hang uselessly at his sides, fingers dusting the floor lightly as he stared vacantly at the ceiling and smoked. He had his cigs, he wasn't feeling hungry or sick, and the essay wasn't even something he would struggle with… if he could just find the motivation to get on it. That fifteen minutes from before couldn't even begin to compare with the half hour that he spent glaring up at the ceiling. It wasn't until ash from his cigarette fell onto his chest that Sanji stirred. He tapped out the cig and got up. He stretched up tall with his arms, bending and twisting down this way and that to try and get his blood moving. It was time to focus, it was time to get his work done.
Plopping back into the chair with determination, the blond dragged his textbook closer, flipping the pages and at last getting to the chapters he'd need to draw from to properly address the prompt. It seemed like at last his focus had returned to him, and his eyes skimmed the pages as his hand moved to take some quick notes in a small notepad he had. His mind began to organize, a thesis statement worked its way into his mind, and Sanji turned and looked back at the blank word document.
He typed exactly one sentence, stared at it, and then erased it all.
"Shit!" In utter frustration Sanji shut the word document program, feeling that maybe tonight he just wasn't going to get this essay done. 'Let's see… maybe Zoro will let me use his computer in the morning before I gotta get to class… I'll bribe him with booze or something. Or I guess I can hit up the computer lab… but if there are any hot girls there…' It was quite the conundrum that could easily be solved if he simply focused.
Slumping forward in defeat, Sanji propped his head on one hand as he clicked open the PC's internet browser with the other. He was defeated and bored, and at the very least he hoped to ease his boredom. He opened up Zoro's bookmarks, not of the mind to have to move his head off his hand to do something like type. So he looked at the web pages his green haired roomie had tagged. There weren't a ton of sword or kendo sites tagged, which both sort of surprised Sanji but made sense. Zoro didn't need to go on the internet to learn about something he already knew, and Sanji knew how annoying it could be to see self proclaimed internet gurus spout off incorrect information that swiftly got copied to site after site to inaccurate site. No, Zoro had some sites that were probably helpful for school, a few sites that provided maps and directions (Sanji snickered and deleted those, it wasn't as if they were helping the lost man anyway), but the only gold were the adult sites that Sanji had mentioned before.
Hey, they were men, and hey, it was Zoro's private computer. It wasn't like Zoro couldn't find women, Sanji had given up the room a couple nights when Zoro'd called him to tell him he was having a good date. But sometimes ya just had that itch.
Sanji didn't really have that itch himself at the moment, but he was bored, and he clicked on one site at random. 'No, it's not because I'm bored, it's because he told me not to. Like he calls the shots.' Sanji let his eyes trail over the video thumbnails, seeing curvaceous figures and all those little wonderful bits of a lady you only saw after you'd properly wooed her. He enjoyed the sight from the thumbnails for a bit, not inclined to sit around actually watching porn on Zoro's computer. He was going to navigate away when he paused and frowned. 'Is that…' Now that was a shocker… he didn't expect to see someone he recognized, least of all someone who he thought was attending this very college. Sanji licked his lips, debating. Did he really want to watch the video and confirm it was her? Torn between perversion and chivalry, his head finally won out with the simple fact that if he found out, he'd probably never be able to act normally around her again. If she noticed that she'd be hurt, and Sanji simply could not stomach the thought of hurting any of the goddesses he cared for so very much. Even if that goddess did internet porn.
Resolved not to look, Sanji intended to move the mouse so he could click the web page closed. What he actually did was twitch his finger and click on one of the ads lining and blinking around the site. Quickly he tried to close it, not wanting to see whatever the heck would be sold off this site. While he did manage to close the pop-up, he didn't even get to blink his eye before another assaulted the screen. And then another… and another. It was a tidal wave of pop-ups, and Sanji quickly lost the 'close the window' race. The task bar filled up swiftly, and moving the mouse soon produced no results as the processor was overloaded by this application onslaught. Sanji clicked the mouse over and over, swearing with amazing variety and conviction at the machine in front of him. Every so often he would stop his mouse clicking and shaking to pound on the keyboard. 'What did Usopp tell me… what was it… hit umm… shift and alt and… no… esc? Fuck!'
In the face of a frozen computer, Sanji tried to do what any panicked user would do. He decided to force the computer off. However, rather than holding the power button down until a force shut off occurred, Sanji fell to his knees, scrambled to the wall plug, and yanked it out. There was a small pop and the computer's fans whirred down and went still. Sanji held his breath, blinking and frozen, wondering if that pop had been a bad thing. Grabbing the computer tower he poked at the vents with his finger and sort of shook it (gently of course, or he thought it was), listening as it rattled softly. Was that good? He plugged the computer back in after a moment, waiting to see if it'd just sort of turn on. It didn't, so he climbed back onto the chair and pondered. Should he check and see if it was ok? He'd better. He pressed the button and waited as the computer started back up. Everything seemed normal, though Sanji should have probably noted that the PC sounded rather quiet.
Until he did anything, everything looked fine. The desktop sat there with only a couple of new shortcuts installed onto it to tell of what he'd done. Feeling proud of himself for his quick thinking with computers (maybe he wasn't so bad with this high tech stuff after all), he deftly sent the icons to the recycle bin and emptied it out. There, Zoro would be none the wiser! Sanji, after that scare and excitement, actually felt less restless now, and turned to his Economics book again. Maybe he'd get that essay done tonight after all! He opened the word document and actually started to honestly work on it this time, and his mind forgot the computer troubles as he puzzled over his essay. Did he notice the slight burning smell that was in the room? Nope. You'd think as a cook he'd be very sensitive to it, but he didn't often cook plastic, and the smell was foreign to him. It wasn't until Sanji decided to turn to the internet to get some supplementary information for his topic did disaster pop up for round two.
The minute he opened the browser, the pop-up tsunami all but knocked him out of his chair. "What… oh shit… no no…" Knowing that clicking the mouse was a failed strategy, Sanji was about to dive under the desk again to go for the cord. Then he realized he hadn't saved his essay. Not even once. His jaw dropped as he stared at the screen covered in pop-ups, his precious essay completely swarmed over and gone. He let out a sigh and was about to pull out the power cord when he stared at the PC. "Weren't there fans going last time… am I smelling the PC?" No fans running, processor overloaded by the pop-ups, it didn't take too much longer for the inevitable to happen.
Congratulations Sanji, you burned out the processor.
Of course, Mr. Prince here didn't know what he'd done. But what he did know was that when he repeated his unplug replug steps this time, hitting the power button did nothing more than make a dull electric sound as absolutely nothing happened on screen. He turned the computer on and off probably twenty times, his emotions ranging from pleading eventually building up to what he was now. Pissed.
"This is why I hate this shit! You don't deal with computers in the kitchen!" Of course, he was probably just mad that he'd destroyed the computer (which was probably ready to go anyway, considering how little he'd really done to it). It wasn't like he was a walking disaster when it came to machines, but once again it was proved to him he shouldn't do too much with them. In one last spiteful fit of rage at the machine, Sanji kicked it. Great idea… now it had a giant dent in it, and Sanji's bare foot was throbbing. Did he think to leave well enough alone? Did he think that if he just didn't ruin the hard drive, Zoro might not lose anything on the PC he needed? No, because Sanji really didn't think through how a computer really worked all that often. The computer was already broken and dented once… and Sanji needed to get out his anger. He put on his shoes. He made sure that if the computer wasn't dead before, it certainly was now.
When Zoro got back to the room after his classes, he was surprised to find Sanji still in the room. He wasn't sure, but he thought the curlbrow had some late night cooking class. But the blond was just standing, facing away from the door and looking out the window, smoking away. Zoro's instincts made him tense. Something was wrong. He turned his head quickly, eyes darting to the mangled and crushed remains of what had been his PC. His mouth fell open and a silent shout escaped his lips as he dropped his backpack onto the floor. Sanji finally turned his head so that he could just look at Zoro, face that fake sort of calm that the blond wore when he was really hoping for a good fight. "Your computer's busted," the blond drawled out, his voice just daring Zoro to rise to the bait.
The vein in Zoro's temples throbbed and seemed to pop against the skin of his face, and three swords were drawn and ready before you could say go.
They'd need to buy furniture yet again… and add another computer to the shopping list.
Ha, yeah, so there ya go. I've burned out a processor before, much to my shame. Now Sanji has as well.
Hope you enjoyed, and that my little take on Sanji was fun for you all. I sort of like this set up… I wonder if anyone would want to see more… and if so… what the heck sort of pairing would be desired. Reviews are always welcome!
