I was quite sick of his behaviour, to be honest. Edward was such a procrastinator; putting off my transformation for as long as possible.
"Tell me what you think is so wrong about me becoming like you," I murmured in his ear suddenly as he stroked my hair. For some reason, totally unbeknownst to me, Edward had a strange passion for my hair. "I want to be with you for eternity. We have discussed this, you will do it..."
Silence.
"Don't you want me?" I asked, very quietly. My lips barely moved, and I was boring a hole into his head with my eyes.
I had been putting off bringing this up since the wedding, and I felt instantly bad about playing the guilt card at him as soon as I said those four words, but the edge in my voice spawned from my existing doubt of him really wanting me forever. I was officially Mrs Cullen, despite my hesitation to marry, and he was supposed to give be the kiss of... immortality... as repayment. Not that I would ever, ever admit it to him; I was thoroughly enjoying being his wife, albeit a non-vampire one, so really if I enjoyed my "sacrifice" and he was going to hate his, it wasn't really a fair trade, so really he could cancel if he knew. Not really how deals work, it's true, but being Edward he would get his way eventually and the deal would tilt in his favour as always... my rambling doesn't make sense to anyone but me. But that doesn't matter. Nobody else (luckily) hears my thoughts...
Grr. That's not the point. Shut up, brain!
I stared at him, returning to the present. His face was unreadable; but he couldn't keep the unease from creeping into his eyes. Too late, he turned away, studying the rising moon out his window to hide his face.
I watched him for a minute, then sat up glumly. He turned back to me and exhaled slowly. He smelled so irresistible... I was effectively totally in his power. I couldn't stay annoyed with him for long, which itself only served to annoy me further.
He took a breath. "Actually, I was planning on doing it tonight," he told me slowly. "But my resolve melted quite fast." He smiled apologetically... too sincerely.
I arched one eyebrow in response. He was avoiding the original question, but the conversation would have led this way, to his feelings about the actual act of changing me, in any case, so it didn't annoy me too much. I knew I had patience enough to defeat him at his waiting skirmish. Maybe. Well, no. I would just get mad, and if I kept waiting for him to give up and change me, he never would, and then I'd be in my twenties; something I would definitely not tolerate.
To my surprise, his defences fell after several minutes of cool staring. "Alright... you win." his eyes, the lightest they'd been for a long time, danced warmly. Then he grew sombre, quickly. Disturbingly. "You're not going to enjoy this if I do it. It's-" he faltered, searching for the right words for his warning. Unsuccessful, he just sighed. "It's very, very intense. Painful, almost unbearable. It will be horrible for you, and, not wanting to steal your spotlight, but horrible for all of us to see you like that." I understood. He meant that he was going to be in nearly as much pain as me. But he didn't want to say that exactly.
He took a deep breath. "Now?" he asked, his voice so faint I bet he could barely hear it. His stillness was infectious and I began to grow anxious. I nodded, not trusting my voice to obey me. I lay back down and closed my eyes, suddenly very aware of my heartbeat against my ribcage. I could tell he was too. I savoured my pulse, my warmth; because this seemed very abrupt... moments ago we were just spending another night together as normal, and now he was about to change me. So sudden. I would never feel my heart thump again after I 'died.' No way was I going to stop him, though... I couldn't. I would not be able to summon the courage up for a second attempt.
I felt him settle – as much as he could in the circumstances – next to me and his head was pressed against mine. I felt his cool cheek against mine for what could be the last time. I tried not to think about the real risk of having Edward do it for me – but I was loathe to have anyone's venom but his inside me. It felt like a bond; stronger than marriage – I would truly be his, through and through. His very own vampire.
For eternity.
