The idea for this story has been haunting me for quite a long time. This chapter is a prologue; it's an insight in Deidara's mind before the proper action starts revealing, and is purposely a little bit vague. I should indicate that the whole story will be written from his point of view, and it is, indeed, going to be quite a dark story. Also - this is my debut in terms of Naruto fanfiction - I hope you enjoy.
Trying to catch memories, remember not to get lost. Once you lose yourself, it's never easy to go back.
Wandering between images and voices, remember to breathe. You never know whether the next second will give you yet another opportunity to let the oxygen penetrate your lungs.
Closing your eyes, remember not to glue them with tears. Are you certain that you will manage to open them again?
I should have known better.
Experiencing kenopsia* is not necessarily the kind of experience I wished to encounter. The forlorn atmosphere of a place that used to be full of people seems more hunting than many of my countless nightmares. Yet, here I am; lost in time, lost in space, lost in areas of my mind that I've always feared.
Am I awake?
Am I asleep?
Am I even alive?
As always, Deidara, as always. Never certain of anything, even the most trivial matters.
Never really bothered, or never strong enough to discover?
Sinking in a plastic smile, I fall.
In the cold light of morning, I rise,
I scream.
I opened my eyes, greedily catching my breath. My lips were dry, my hands were shaking, my frail body covered with cold sweat.
Here we go again.
The shy light of the moon was softly creeping into my room, illuminating some of the small sculptures that I kept on my desk.
I closed my eyes again and hid my face in my hands, breathing heavily.
Cold.
I couldn't remember when the last time I slept through the whole night was. Every time the sun was going down I was already thinking about how many times I would wake up during the night; considering that I would be lucky enough to fall asleep at all.
I rubbed my eyes and looked around. Everything looked the same; not that I was expecting something extraordinary; it was just one of the bizarre feelings you acknowledge when you from a dark land of hallucination.
I picked up my phone from the floor: 4:07.
It should start getting brighter soon, I thought.
I had to be up by 7 to manage to show up for my 8:45 start. I collapsed on the bed and turned on the right side, letting the dizzy unconsciousness sneak into my mind again. If I didn't have to leave my house, I would have taken my sleeping meds but I knew I wouldn't wake up on time if I have decided to do so. Well, it wouldn't an issue if I had some actual sleeping medicines; the pills, branded as Ketilept**, I kept cautiously hidden behind my bed were medicines used as a part of schizophrenia treatment but, in fact, only just one pill could make you hopelessly sleepy and numb in less than an hour. Obviously, my doctor wouldn't find them a marvellous cure for insomnia; I bought them online. I must have admitted that it was almost amusing how easily you can get all these things by just typing it in the search engine.
After a half an hour of fruitless fidgeting and changing sleeping positions, I gave up – I reached for the pills and broke off a quarter of one full tablet; 50mg was just enough to keep me asleep for a few hours.
Bitter medicine mixes with cold water.
I wrap myself in the duvet and close my eyes again.
I scream.
Here we go again.
*eerie, forlorn atmosphere of a place that is usually bustling with people but is now abandoned and quiet.
**Ketilept is a brand name of quetiapine, which is an atypical antipsychotic used for the treatment of schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and depression.
