Pretty Little PSYCHO!
Naruto fanfic
After the Sasuke retrieval mission, the squad takes a psychology test, and Naruto fails. Medical tests also show Naruto is actually a woman. At the same time Naruto is told her mental state, resulting from Sasuke's betrayal and her being mortally wounded multiple times, meaning her ninja licence needs to be temporarily revoked, she learns she is a she, and has her first period. Add her already unstable mind from her harsh childhood, and she just SNAPS. Like. A. Little. Twig. Insane Fem-Naruto, Tayuya x Squad 7 (minus Kakashi), rated 'M' for language, mental instability, Murder, sexual themes, Harley Quinn-like behavior, and Orochimaru. Three way, four way, yuri, insanity, demons running wild. I own nothing.
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Pretty little pretty little pretty little PSYCHO!
Chapter 1: How to Make a Psychopath.
Tsunade stood over the blond child lying before her. Naruto was the last to return from the SRM, and was in the worst condition, having been impaled in the chest twice, covered in second degree burns, and missing half a hand. Fortunately, the demon had fully healed the physical damage by the time she made it to the Naruto's room for the physical, as Naruto's first full medical checkup EVER could tell the sage.
'But to think Naruto was a girl this whole time,' Tsunade thought to herself. Tsunade stood off to the side as Inochi Yamanaka preformed a mental checkup on the sleeping girl. Inochi's eyes opened, and the look he gave the Godame Hokage was not a good one. The two left the room as a nurse came in to give the girl some nutrition injections.
"Okay, Inochi, what's wrong?" Tsunade asked. The Yamanaka clan leader looked back into the room as he started.
"Naruto has been in a minor state of mental instability for several years now, long before joining the academy. With her childhood I'm genuinely not surprised. The kyuubi, while trapped, probably forever, did nothing to help, in fact its constant healing her only made things worse for the poor girl. Sasuke's betrayal, and the degree of the injuries he gave her, made her even more unstable. She never should have become a ninja, and needs to stop going on missions now, at the very least, if not seal away her chakra entirely. Even if she gets treatment and returns to normal sanity levels, she may never be fit for field work."
Just then, Sakura walked over. "Oh, hello, Lady Tsunade, Yamanaka-San," she says, giving each a quick bow. Tsunade smiles. "Hello, Sakura. Here to visit Naruto and Sasuke?"
(AN: Naruto lost to Sasuke but he fainted from chakra exhaustion.)
She nods. "Yes, Lady Tsunade. It's been a long time, and I need to get re-acquaintanced," she says, confusing Tsunade a little. With that, she enters the room just as the nurse exits. Tsunade and Inochi head to the Hokage's office to continue their conversation.
Sakura closes the door behind her and heads to the beds her two teammates are on. They look peaceful, just lying there. She hears a noise from Sasuke's bed, and turns to see Sasuke awaken. Sasuke slowly sits up, but could not move his arms or legs as they were strapped down. Sakura sits down in the chair between Naruto and Sasuke's beds and turns to Sasuke. The raven haired boy looks over to Sakura and groans.
"Damnit! Why am I back here?" he growls. Sakura reaches over and slaps him.
"Quiet, fool. I'm not that stupid fangirl who dares use my name. I'm the genuine article. You lost consciousness after fighting, and traumatizing, Naruto. Ino-pig's father just did a mental test on Naruto, and Tsunade a physical. Naruto's a girl, and her mental state is close to shattering. They're considering revoking her ninja licence.
"I have an idea, because even if they don't lock you up for betraying Konoha, they'll likely try to make you spend your days as breeding stock. Actually, they may even just pin you down on top of Naruto, who would be labeled insane and tied down for everyone's 'protection', and make you two bred for the rest of your lives. I know about how Uzumaki women work with reproduction. They have zero chance of miscarriage, in some rare cases they have no labor pain and no birth fat, and they are prone to multiple births; single children like Naruto are extremely rare.
"My plan is: we convince the council that you can be trusted not to leave again, and to control Naruto, and then during our next out-of-the-village mission, the three of us leave. Naruto's crazy and will likely listen to you, and I can just let the fangirl take control again. The trigger to turn me back into me is 'Shatter Me'.
"Once we get out of the village, turn me back into me and we'll go." Sasuke looks at the pink haired girl in bewilderment. He shakes it off and askes a crucial question.
"How do we know it will work?"
The two are slightly thrown off by a slightly crazy giggle coming from the other bed. They turn that was to see Naruto giggling, and wide awake, with her covers thrown off and a hand down the front of her damaged pants.
"N-Naru-Chan! What are you doing? And how long have you-" Naruto cuts Sakura off with another giggle.
"The whole time, Sake-Chan! Ever since you came in, really. Also, is bleeding down here a common thing for girls?" As she says this she pulls her hand out and her index and middle fingers are covered in blood up to the third knuckle (the whole finger, basically).
Sakura blushed a little, both at seeing the blood and from Naruto remembering her old pet name for her, before the bitch fangirl personality took over. "Naru-Chan, is this the first time you've bled from there?" Naruto giggles and nods. "YEP!" she says, popping the 'P'. Sakura sighs.
"Yes, it happens once a month to all women after they hit puberty. Although for you I think it might be a bit different because of how the Uzumaki reproductive organs work. Even after your period you can get pregnant because you can have multiple eggs on standby at any given time, I'd say the eggs last about three months before your period happens and new eggs are added each month, so you always have 2-6 eggs waiting to be fertilized, even after your period. And even if you're already pregnant, more eggs are added, so it is possible for you to get pregnant again even before the first batch comes out of the oven."
Naruto and Sasuke look at Sakura, Naruto with confusion and Sasuke with surprise. "Damn," Sasuke notes, "If the council knew that, they'd force Naruto to become the local breeding factory. And I have a feeling they would make me your most common baby daddy," he said, pointing that last part at his best friend/rival/teammate/sister figure.
Naruto gets a faraway look in her eyes. She then looks at her arms and legs, then Sasuke's, then her own again. Sakura sweat drops. Naruto, the supposedly insane one, had no bindings, while Sasuke was tied down.
"Naru-Chan, I need you to at least pretend to be reasonable for my plan to go off. Just listen to Sasuke, okay. I need to go now."
Naruto nods, and then turns to Sasuke. "Hey, I know! I can use genjutsu and we can amp it with Sasukun's Sharingan to trick the council into giving us what we want!" She then starts giggling like crazy again. Sasuke nods.
"Yes… yes that's a great idea! Naruto, make it so that everyone except Sakura who comes in here falls under my suggestion when they see my sharengan!" Naruto laughs manically and sits bolt upright, clapping her hands together and releasing her chakra. Sakura and Sasuke feel a little off center as waves of dark mystic power washes over them.
Sasuke activates his Sharingan as he hears a nurse coming. The door slams open as Shizune comes in. "What the hell's going on in here!? I'll report you to the Hokage… if you… don't…" Shizune trails off as the powers of the genjutsu and the Sharingan alter her thoughts.
"Untie me." Sasuke says simply. Shizune walks over to the last Uchiha and unties the ropes binding his arms and legs to the bed. "Now leave. If anyone asks, Naruto freaked out about her first period, but Sakura calmed her down." Shizune nods, answers "Yes, Sir," and leaves, closing the door behind her.
Naruto giggles again. "Best, plan, ever!" Sakura and Sasuke just sweat drop. Sakura then leaves, getting ready for when the bitch fangirl takes over.
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Later that same afternoon, Sasuke and Naruto are allowed out of the hospital, although they are escorted to the council chambers by several armed Anbu and even a few R.O.O.T. solders. At first they tried keeping Naruto and Sasuke apart but the blond kept ending up latched to the raven-haired boy's arm, even when she was tied up in chakra-absorption chains and being carried by two shinobi while strapped to a stretcher and wearing a strait jacket... 'What the actual fuck?' Kakashi, who had brought all the binding gear from Anbu HQ, thought when he saw Naruto, apparently female, had escaped the bindings and was hugging Sasuke's arm into her breast.
Naruto just giggled, not improving any of the shinobi's moods.
The group arrived at the council chamber with no difficulty. All the seats were filled, and Sasuke and Naruto saw Sakura, still not a fangirl, from the looks of it, standing next to Shizune, who still had a faraway look in her eyes. Naruto let go of Sasuke and the two stood strait before the council.
'I hope it works,' Sasuke thought, while Naruto's train of thought was pretty much 'Derp, derp, derp, derp!'
No one noticed or cared about the small wisps of energy flowing out of Naruto, those who did notice just thought it was Naruto's crappy chakra control, amped by madness. No one knew that buried deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, DEEP within the madness, Naruto was weaving a genjutsu so monstrously powerful, only the infinite Tsukuyomi could compete, just on the sheer fact of being supposedly 'infinite', while Naruto's will last for Kami knows how long, even without Naruto keeping it charged.
No one saw it coming. No one saw the strings Naruto attached to everyone, or how she attached the ends of the strings to Sasuke's Sharingan.
"Sasuke Uchiha, while law states that you must be imprisoned for your crime of treason, the council has voted that while you will still be punished, it will be much less severe," Tsunade spoke, with a disapproving tone.
"As for you, Naruto, law states that, until such a time as your mental state is properly restored, you would be locked away in a mental institute, possibly in solitary confinement, the council has voted that so long as you do not do anything to endanger the village, you will be kept in the care of Sasuke Uchiha, provided you can help keep him from leaving the village," she says, in a much more caring and motherly tone.
The idiots on the civilian council were very pleased with these results; even if the Demon Child was being told not let the Prodigy Uchiha fuck up again, although they were okay with the Prodigy Uchiha being told to not let the Demon Child fuck up. Sakura smirked. The plan was going fantastically, and Naruto's genjutsu wasn't even active yet. In fact, from what she could feel, the slow process was halted when Tsunade spoke about Sasuke watching Naruto and vice versa.
Danzo also smirked. He had his own agenda, and it involved making the Uchiha join him, marry and plow the demon, then sending him to capture other Kekkei Genkai users and make them breed with the demon, with the Uchiha in charge of his new wife's super powered harem, and army of super powered children, with the odd dash of mind control and hypnosis. He knew about Uzumaki women and had been looking to find one, as the only other one he knew was currently dead with no known DNA left behind to clone. It was a commonly known fact to those who knew anything about Uzumaki reproduction that a mother was capable of taking care of hundreds of children at once, if they had to, and that Uzumaki were capable of reproducing with their own cousins and siblings because their DNA is supposed to mutate, making birth defects either impossible or perfectly useful. That's actually what led to several known Kekkei Genkai.
Naruto smiled and Sasuke smirked at this information. They, along with Sakura, were then dismissed, and the three all went to Sasuke's apartment to plan their next move.
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As soon as they got to the apartment and Sasuke locked the door, Naruto immediately stripped before heading to the bathroom and hopping into the shower, which she set to full heat. She liked hot water, it calmed her nerves and turned her on, plus warm water had a natural effect on old wounds and internal stress, and as Naruto's body would technically be covered in scars, the hot water was REALY soothing on her light tanned skin, loosening all her joints and muscles.
Naruto had left the bathroom door wide open so anyone who walked past could see Naruto buck naked in the shower, as she also left the curtain open. Sasuke knew the water was really hot because he could see the steam flowing out of the bathroom and fogging up a good portion of the apartment. As Sasuke led Sakura to the living room he tried to avoid looking at Naruto. He had seen Naruto naked before, at bathhouses and hot springs, but Naruto always covered up her lower half, probably never bothered with her top because she was flatter than a glass window. And didn't know she was a girl.
He couldn't resist looking now, though, and what he did see for that one second was quite good.
Naruto now had a more womanly frame, and had gone up to a low 'B' cup, from the looks of it. She looked like a slightly smaller version of her Sexy no Jutsu form. She currently was only washing, just standing under the water with her arms and forehead on the wall. It turned him on. He didn't get to enjoy the view, as he walked past and sat down on the couch, and Sakura sat down on the recliner opposite.
Naruto started humming a tune while showering.
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That's all for chapter one. Yep, I'm fucking around with psychology. We all know Sakura was at least mildly MPD, and/or bipolar. Sasuke has an inferiority complex (or is it a superiority complex?), and after seeing your family get murdered by the ONE guy you trust (multiple times), you tend to be a little crazy. Also, how is Naruto NOT crazy? Even if canon Naruto wasn't beaten or raped or tortured or experimented on or whatever the fuck all of us fanfiction writers are doing to fuck up his/her life, he should be at least a little on the crazy side.
Now, I do not mean to upset or insult anyone in the audience who is… a little loose - hell, I'm a little loose myself – but this is fanfiction and I do not know all that much about psychosis, so it doesn't even really matter. No one is perfect, and that's a damn good thing.
Also, Naruto and Sasuke will be doing a lot of banging in the future, both with each other, and with other characters, canon and OC.
As for all that info on Uzumaki reproduction, I came up with it all on my own. Because why not, I mean the story is named after a song named after the male genitalia. Why not make Naruto, and by extension, Karin, into super baby factories, like weird rabbit people or something?
It's my fanfiction and I can let my craziness and/or fetishes run wild! (Note, pregno is not one of my fetishes.)
