My life if you could call it that was definitely lacking. I had a low paying job as a cashier at a gas station that was pumping with business and owned by a company that treated its employees like shit. I had literally no social life or game and I was still in the process of getting over a terrible break up that happened basically a year ago.
Yup, life was just fucking peachy.
I rolled my eyes and shook my head rereading the conversation I had with an ex fling again, if you could call him that. Emmett was his name. He was more of a rebound I guess you would say. I was lonely after my bad breakup and basically hooked up with him a month after my heartbreak.
Emmett wasn't a bad guy but he wasn't necessarily a good guy either. He used me for sex after all but in a sense I guess I used him too, for companionship in our short time together.
Emmett was a big guy, with dark brown hair and eyes. He came off very friendly and overly affectionate but also very stubborn and set in his ways. He was the opposite of me and very social. In fact, too social, he never had time to hang out with his friends much less me. I was just a fuck to him, nothing more and nothing less.
He contacted me the other night acting like he missed me; it had been months since we last spoke. Months since he banned me from ever calling him again. He said I was annoying and acted like I wasted his time when really he just wasted my time and I called him out on it, he didn't like that. He told me to delete his number and basically shut off all communication with me for months.
I just wanted companionship/affection. I wanted to be wanted for more than my body and it's uses. I wanted someone to want me for me. I thought maybe he could be that guy to fix my broken heart or to at least make me forget my troubles for a little awhile and make me FEEL again.
He texted me the other night acting like it had only been days since we last spoke. He was his same friendly, flirty self. He said he wanted to be "friends."
Yeah, I knew what his definition of friendship was…fuck buddies. He had some nerve. I admit I had been lonely lately and had I not been thinking with a clear head I might have consider it. However, my needs and wants never changed. I still wanted, still need the same thing I needed before and it wasn't sex.
It was clear he couldn't give me what I wanted, or at least he wasn't willing too. I told him it wouldn't work and we should keep us in the past. He of course got annoyed acted like a little kid that couldn't get his way and that was the end of that.
I looked myself over in the mirror as I put my light brown ear length hair into a small pony tail and fixed my name tag on my shirt, I ran a hand over my stubble cheeks, sighing before leaving my apartment on my way to hellish work.
My best friend's words rang in my head, "Jasper you have to be more social. If you don't put yourself out there you'll never find anyone."
"Alice, don't you think I know that? It's not easy for me. You know I don't have many friends and it's hard for me to just open up to people. Look what happened the last time, I got my heart broken. It still hurts Alice."
Alice was my good friend, my best friend. Hell you could even argue she was my only friend. I had no real outside friends. Alice and I were online friends and had been friends for years now. We have been there for each other through much heartbreak over the years.
I was usually fine being single. I was used to being single, I had been single most my life, that was until he came into my world.
I was with Jacob for two and a half years; he was my first real boyfriend. It wasn't great but it had its moments. I would find myself thinking of him late at night when I was alone in my dark room and all was quiet and still, too quiet for my liking.
Jacob cheated on me…with his wife.
It was a long story but I had often thought something wasn't right between us, that he was hiding something from me, that he was cheating, but I had no proof and I loved him and was lonely so I stayed in my misery.
"Are you cheating on me?" I asked often, with my heart pounding in my chest awaiting his answer.
He kept his cold brown eyes on mine the whole time.
" No." He would say flatly as if annoyed I would still ask him the same question, yet again.
I thought I would feel relieved with his answer but I never did. I never felt secure and content but I accepted his response time and time again.
It wasn't all bad; we had some beautiful bonding moments. We would lay still and just stare in each other's eyes contently. We would vent and talk about our days as we cuddled up against each other. He would tell me I was the best part of his week and I always got an enthusiastic reaction from him when I touched him. It didn't take much for him to moan and roll his eyes in the back of his head, for him to look at me with such desire that I fooled myself thinking I was the ONLY ONE that could make him react in such a way, that I was the only one that made him react in such a way.
It made me cringe thinking of some of the bullshit talks we had.
"You belong to me, your ass, your dick, everything, your all mine." I said as we were intimate.
"Yes, I belong to you." He moaned in pleasure.
LIES!
He couldn't even tell me he cheated or was married; he couldn't even be honest with me even in the end.
FUCKING COWARD!
I had to find out from his fucking wife, that he was a c heating bastard, over the phone. The worst part is I could hear him talking in the background.
I never heard from him again. He vanished like a fucking ghost. I don't know if his wife left him or stayed but I gather from all the dirt she got from me about her precious Husband, she left his ass.
I even went as far as to send her a picture of me and him as a couple and told her to tell Jacob he had a week to pick up his sex toys or I was throwing them out.
That's right, Jacob was a freak! He had a whole bag of dildos and other vibrating toys he liked to have me use on him from time to time. Bet his wife choked on that message.
I opened the doors to work and headed to my register getting set up.
I didn't care much for the customers. At my job we had a lot of weridos/bums that walked in the door. People with holes in their shirts and grease on their hands, grabbing cigarettes and beer like it was air. It was quite unappealing.
There was this one guy that came in the store that I had a crush on. He was a tall, average built guy with creamy soft skin. He had short dark brown hair and a clean cut, masculine face. His eyes were a piercing green color. He often wore scrubs to our place which I loved. I didn't know what it was but there was something about a guy in uniform that was so appealing. I talked to him a few times as I rang him up before. I found out he was a tech and worked in a lab on blood work. He was very friendly and had a cute smile. I don't know why but it always put me in a better mood when I saw him, even though our encounters where always brief.
The only thing was that it seemed like he drank a lot. I mean he was practically a regular customer and every time he came in he always got the same thing, two 4packs of Hurricane beer.
I guess I shouldn't jump to conclusions but I didn't like guys that smoke or drank. However, I rather a guy drink a little than one that smoked and as far as I knew he didn't smoke so that was good.
Anyways, I was telling Alice about this guy when I realized I didn't even know his name.
Alice is always telling me to break out of my shell and that I should get to know people. I made a deal with her. I told her the next time I see him, I would ask his name. it wasn't a big step but it was a step.
I gulped nervously as I saw him enter the store, he smiled when he saw me. I couldn't help but grin back.
"Hello, how are you today?" I said as I always did like a robot.
"Hey, I'm doing okay. How about you?" he asked.
"I'm fine." I lied. I focused on ringing up his damn beer again. I tried hard not to judge him as a drunk but it was a hard thing to do when all he ever purchased was indeed beer.
I thought of ways to ask his name but I was drawing a blank.
"Well, have a nice day." I said handing his beer over. He gave me one last smile.
"Thanks, you too." Before heading on his way.
Damn it!
Why can't I just do a simple task of asking someone their name?
I'm fucking hopeless!
Oh well, he is probably married, taken, straight or uninterested.
Fuck, I'll probably will be alone forever.
Maybe I should just take Emmett up on his friends with benefits deal?
Fuck, what's wrong with me?
Note: Feels weird, yet nice being back. This might be a one chapter story or I might continue it. Let me know what you guys think. Thanks again for reading! ;)
