I Thought I Killed You Already
Right after Voldemort came back that fateful day at the cemetery, he took a trip to America. Everyone thought he went to Albania, but he really went to a little town in Washington called Forks. He had heard rumors that there were supernatural creatures there and he decided to take a sightseeing trip to find out if those rumors were true. He was not prepared for what he was about to discover.
The day was unnaturally damp and cloudy (even for a person who lives in Britain) when he apparated into the heart of Forks. There was no one in the streets so he decided to take a stroll down Main Street. As he passed the school, he spotted a boy with reddish brown hair strutting across the parking lot. Fury rushed through Voldemort as he realized who that was. But, it couldn't be. He killed Cedric Diggory a few months earlier. How could he possibly come back from the dead, as vampire no less? This would not do at all.
Voldemort followed this evil incarnation home and waited until he went outside alone⦠or almost alone; his clingy, stupid muggle girlfriend was with him. Oh well, collateral damage.
Voldemort strutted up to them and asked, "How are you still alive?"
The Cedric Diggory imposter replied, "I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean," in an obviously fake American accent.
"Of course you don't," Voldemort replied, winking, "I understand you are trying to keep up appearances for your muggle girlfriend. But really, even I can a better American accent than that! Accio DVD Player!" he caught it and pressed play. "I love watching myself act."
"I never knew you starred in Maid in Manhattan. Wow, that's what you look like with a nose?" Cedric/Edward said.
Voldemort gave him a dirty look and said, "Yes. Well now that we have that straight, it is time for you to die." He took out his wand and shouted, "Avada Kedavra!"
Edward died.
"Nooooooooo! Why did you kill him! Edward, Edward don't leave me again or I will go back into my depression and never come out again! I'm too codependent for you to leave me!" the whiny muggle girlfriend cried, sobbing over Cedric/Edward.
Voldemort laughed at the brainless, trivial, moronic, dimwitted girl and said, "If you can't live without him, I guess I will kill you too. Avada Kedavra."
Bella died.
