Bird Watching
'Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.'
-Lao Tzu
In hindsight, Hawke should've known better.
Chest to chest, their angry staring contest caused every passer by to give them a wide birth completely, as their breaths mingled together hotly in the rain. For the most part, Skyhold was very quiet on the dull, damp day. If anything, everyone was waiting to see what verdict the Inquisitor would give the Grey Wardens, which made it a perfect distraction for Hawke to simply slip away. Well, almost. She just barely made it to the front gates before she was grabbed and steered away from the exit.
"You really thought you could escape me?"
"…That's an awkward way to say hello."
His snarl made her wince. 'Little wolf' was definitely not in the mood for her usual, jeering demeanor. His vermilion eyes weren't the usual shade of green that reminded her of spring and emeralds and fabrics that were pretty and soft on her skin. No, this green was like the rift - or the Maker foresaken Fade. Anger and fear and pain. With a hard swallow, she rephrased her answer:
"No."
"So, I suppose you just expected to save all of Fereldan without me noticing."
Okay, perhaps she should have at the least, left a note before taking off.
"Well, you know me – I do enjoy my dramatic flair."
It felt like a battle. Her flight or fight response was sending all sorts of crazy signals in her mind and body, though she couldn't get herself to move as their noses practically touched. The distant, ominous sound of low, deep bells signaled that the prisoner was coming through the gates, though neither of them took notice. More important judgments were at hand.
The wolf wasn't here to play games. He kept stalking closer, though the usually cocky, confident bird kept taking fleeting steps backwards, as if she was about to take flight – and leave.
Leave.
Again.
No, that is not an option.
With a little gasp, the damned bird was cornered into the crevice of the castle wall, her head lightly bouncing off the stones. Who put that there? Why didn't she even notice the wall was behind her?
(Probably has to do with the elf that looks like he wishes to eat her.)
His palm flattened against the stone, fingers splayed right beside her head as he loomed over her frame. So many things that were left unsaid, so many emotions and turmoil going within his mind that he didn't even know where to begin or end.
"Why didn't you write?"
"I forgot, I s'pose."
He bit his tongue, not wishing to say the wrong thing and cause her to slip away. Right at the moment, he had her where he wanted her, caging her to the wall with his other hand upon her hip.
"You're lying."
Hawke pursed her lips, glaring up at him with distaste. Of course she was bloody lying. Wriggling, she tried to make her position a bit more comfortable. (It didn't work.)
"I meant it y'know, when I said it was over."
"You almost died – going into the fade."
Hawke instantly tried to shove him off, though she was well in place due to his pinnacle height and leverage difference. The wolf wasn't letting her go that easy, not matter how much she fluttered.
"Who told you tha-"
"Varric."
"He sodding wrote to you didn't-"
"Yes."
They were too close, far too close.
"Is that why you're here then? To lecture me?"
Dipping his head down – he obstructed his face. Rain droplets rolling off his jaw and chin.
"No."
She instead, looked up at the gloomy sky. They both had been in far too much in the last decade. She had her glory, her fame. Taking in the walls around her, Hawke knew that, accepted it. She didn't have to help, she's already helped, and ruined enough. His arms slithered around her waist, pulling her into a tight hug which caused her to wail loudly, before collapsing her head onto his shoulder. How many years did she let the pressure build up? Wanting to please everyone – to help everyone? To be in charge of fate?
The torch was no longer hers, and she almost lost all that she had just by wanting to let her flame burn brighter than another for one last time.
"I didn't mean it Fenris, I didn't want-"
She shivered, the rain soaking them both completely. Her hair was completely flat and smushed up in his face, as her hands rain through his own.
"I know."
They just stood there, holding each other as the thunder rolled in, her loud confessions being masked by the vibrations. His arms were cramping, and his legs were on fire for standing too long as she had snot pouring out of her nose, and cheeks aggressively puffy and red. Many people seemed to be pouring out of the main hall now, whispering new gossip about the trail as guards tried to get everyone back in order. A particular dwarf seemed to poke his head from under the ground, looking at them both with a sly, knowing smile which made both the Wolf and the Bird laugh at their foolishness - though, neither of them would have it any other way.
"Let's just go home." Fenris murmured into her hair, pulling up her hood.
Hawke nodded simply, clutching onto his hand as if she was a child as she wiped her nose with her sleeve.
