Author's Note: I don't think I've written anything quite so angsty before. Still not sure if I love it or hate it, so please let me know what you think. I was thinking of writing a sequel with Kathryn's musings, but I'm not sure yet. I will admit to being heavily influenced in the writing of this piece by two songs by Bon Jovi: "What Do You Got? (If You Ain't Got Love)" and "In These Arms". They're both great songs (I like the first one slightly more) and I can highly recommend you find a lyric video on YouTube if you don't know the songs.

As always, Paramount owns Star Trek, Bon Jovi owns his songs, and I own one box less of tissues.


=/\= =/\= =/\=

Everybody needs something to live for. Someone who relies on them, and who they can depend on in turn. Someone they want to make a life for. But it must be more than that, because I have that. We have a friendship built on trust, and we both try to ease the other's burdens. So why do I feel like this isn't enough?

Don't you ever lie in bed lonely, wishing for someone to hold? Don't you ever look at me and wish we could be something more? I could give you everything you wanted, be everything you needed, if you'd just let me.

What happened to us, Kathryn? Why don't you flirt with me on the Bridge anymore? Or join me for dinner as often as you used to? You smile a lot less often now, but the lines are still around your mouth, reminding me of happier times. Like the loving smile you gave me when you saw the bathtub I built for you. Or the way we'd sit on the couch after dinner, just sitting in comfortable silence, simply enjoying each other's company. We never needed to say anything, because we both understood. Or so I thought.

I thought we made a promise. An unspoken promise, granted, but it's a vow I try to uphold every day. I thought we'd never let anything come between us. Never let the world outside blind us to the love inside us. That thought kept me strong when times were bad, and I know you relied on my silent presence and support as much as I did yours. But now I see you growing apart from me, and I don't like it. I know a lot has happened over the last seven years, but I really thought that what we had was stronger than all of that. Was I wrong? Are your feelings different than I thought? Can you have changed that much? I looked into your eyes earlier today, and I almost didn't know you. The woman I know and love was almost absent from the gaze I held, being replaced by a hardened, guilt-driven Starfleet captain. When did that happen? And how did I not see it? Will I ever get you back, my Kathryn?

Maybe I'm a dreamer, or a hopeless romantic, but I still think there's hope. And where there's hope, there's a reason to live. Do I have any hope, Kathryn? Can you give me that much? Everything I do, I do for you. To help you, to make your burden lighter, like I promised to do. But if you don't need me, if you don't want me, then what am I doing this for?

You once told me to move on. It was late one night after dinner in my quarters. You became sad and distant when I began to carefully talk about 'us'. But I don't think that's what you want, and you know it's not what I want. What I want is to take you in my arms and hold you all night. I'd whisper words of love in your ear. I'd promise never to leave you or stop loving you. I'd hold you forever, if you'd let me. But instead, tomorrow I'll get to sit on the Bridge beside you, wishing you were the woman I once knew.

There will always be a place in my heart reserved especially for you, my love. I hope you know that. And it's because I love you that I'm not going to pressure you to give me something you can't. I'll admit I don't quite understand your exact reasoning, but I know enough to know it would be hard for you, if not damn near impossible, to be the captain you need to be and be the kind of lover we both want you to be. So I'll settle for friendship. And I'll try to move on, if that's really what you want. But I will never leave you, Kathryn. I promised you you'd never be alone, and I intend to keep that promise. I'll always be your friend, and I hope someday we can be more.

=/\= =/\= =/\=

Chakotay looked at the words he had written on the paper and sighed. She would probably never read this, but he felt better having gotten the words out anyway. Folding the paper neatly, he opened a drawer and tucked the letter into the back of it. Maybe someday she would know.

...


Author's Update: Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews! It's great to know you like it so much you want more. I've got an idea for more chapters, but it's gonna need a lot of work. Hang in there, and I'll have something soon. Thanks again, everyone!