AN: This revision is thanks to Tari Roo, a wonderful author and beta reader - I highly recommend her work. Any improvement you see is thanks completely to her. Please remember this was originally written in '04, meaning all the books weren't out. I don't think it really makes an impact but… there you go.
A Letter
Remus looked down at the letter once more.
I wish I could go back and kill Peter.
Harry didn't mean anything by it; it was nothing but an angry rant. He stood to throw the letter out, yet his hand froze as the last line rang through his head once more.
I wish I could go back and kill Peter.
Harry didn't understand. Peter had been a smart but shy young boy at Hogwarts. Maybe he had given into Voldemort, but it hadn't really been his fault. Voldemort was a threat and Peter reacted. He wasn't weak or a coward. He just… Peter needed friends to protect him.
I wish I could go back and kill Peter.
Remus sat back down with the letter still in his hand, glancing over the words again. It was nothing, nothing but a depressed and angry boy ranting to someone safe – someone he thought agreed and understood. Harry couldn't understand that Peter wasn't truly bad, just made a few mistakes.
It's all his fault, he killed them all.
It had always been said that he, Remus, was the reason the Marauders stayed together. Yet there was a point where he had needed a break as well, someone willing to listen. Peter had always been there. He never failed. Every time Remus would go knocking on his bedpost, filled with fear and suspicion that Dumbledore would finally expel him, that the ministry would discover him or angry at a stupid comment made about werewolves Peter had listened. That understanding smile, the happiness, the pat on the shoulder in reassurance – that couldn't have been fake, could it?
Peter?
I let him live, that rat didn't deserve my parents or Sirius.
Peter was short, considered the odd one out. He was shy and soft but very determined. He had amazing patience. Yes, he had to, to have put up with two clowns and a werewolf. There are rumors that said the sorting hat would misplace people – Peter was one of them. He belonged in Hufflepuff; he would have done that house proud. Once Peter received your friendship he would do anything for you, or at least, that's what Remus had thought.
I wish I could go back and kill Peter.
Leaning his head back he tried to ignore the letter, that line. In desperation, his mind flew back to his own school years. He realized now James and Sirius had been cruel, they just probably never noticed it. They thought their jokes were funny, but then so did half the school. Everyone had been so oblivious then, so full of themselves and uncaring about a world outside the school.
It's all his fault, he killed them all.
"Why can't I ignore it? It's a simple line, nothing but a simple line by a kid who doesn't understand anything."
I wish I could go back and kill Peter.
Furious, he stood and threw the letter on the floor. He stomped on it once, twice. Kicking it he watched as it gently landed on the floor, not one foot away.
I wish I could go back and kill Peter.
"Enough!"
An echoing laugh, 'I don't sort everyone. I only sort potential.'
Remus slowly straightened as his memory stirred. The Sorting Hat. It had said that line just before it called out his house. He had never been able to figure out what it had meant. He had only asked if he would be fairly sorted, that answer never made any sense to him.
But maybe?
Yes, it had to be. When Voldemort had... visited Peter, Peter had folded. Peter, while determined and patient, would always panic if he didn't know what was going on, if he felt threatened. James and Sirius had always made fun of him for it, whenever they had been caught sneaking around in the dark Peter would always blush and stutter, giving everything away. Peter must have panicked when Voldemort appeared, sharing everything he knew.
No. That could be it. The situation hadn't been so simple – Peter had betrayed the Marauders over and over, spying. But maybe Peter had thought he could stay ahead of Voldemort? Maybe he couldn't find a way to escape Voldemort?
I wish I could go back...
"I wish I could go back," Remus said slowly, sounding out the words as if to make better sense of them, "If I could go back."
Would it really matter? What if Peter had never been trapped by Voldemort, if he had willingly joined Voldemort? The image of Peter's understanding smile and reassuring pat on the shoulder came back and Remus moved to his desk, determined now.
An echoing laugh, 'I don't sort everyone. I only sort potential.'
Peter had had the potential; Remus would show it to him. Sitting at his desk, he ignored the creak of the chair as he pulled out parchment and ink. Dipping the quill he started to write, the sound of scratching filling his house. He'd figure the magic needed to send this letter back to Peter later.
It would be a long night, Peter had a lot to catch up on.
Dear Peter...
