I was reading Influence, Influent by Singkatsu and I just was so inspired I decided to write what could be an extension of it. It stands entirely on its own, and it is its own piece, but it was influenced by Singkatsu's. Go read theirs! It's good! At any rate, I have tree of Tranquility and not Animal Parade, so my knowledge of it isn't entirely solid. I tried to stay away from those things.
Disclaimer:I don't own Harvest Moon. Not any of the like forty versions
Candace liked Julius. He could be very kind, despite what he had been like when they were kids, and she knew he meant well. He was sweet and they made very good-
Friends.
When he'd asked her out the first time, she had felt like she was going to explode from all the feelings that welled up. Indecision, uncertainty, her love for her sister, her dislike for herself, her love for Gill... in the end she had said yes. Not because she wanted to, but because Luna would want her to.
So they went out to one of the festivals, and while he was feeling the romance, she was feeling the regret. The resignation. She couldn't get in between Gill and Luna. Gill made Luna happy. Luna made Gill happy. It went against all that she was to try and disrupt that. Seeing them together hurt, and it made her lean into Julius further, if only for the distraction she'd receive from his romantic heart. He of course murmured about how romantic it was and how glad he was to be with her. Candace just closed her eyes. She heard the sounds of her sister giggling behind the soft lilt of Julius' voice. She leaned herself closer to his mouth, hoping that by having one ear on his chest and the other by his mouth, she could drown out the reminders.
When he had kissed her at the end of the night, she hadn't felt anything spectacular or firework related or anything like that.
It felt wet, a little bit rough and mostly reminded her of the texture of bad cake with a hint of spice.
When he pulled away she stuttered out a thank you for the evening, and when he smiled at her, she couldn't stop herself from smiling back, just a little. He walked her to the shop and when Luna came in bubbling about how well things had gone with Gill, Candace knew she was doomed. Perhaps she didn't know exactly what that entailed at first, but even then Candace realized what she was going to do. The wheels were already turning, she was already running down the path away from the traveling cart, and to stop now would only mean disaster. She would only be crushed by the momentum.
So when Julius asked her out again three days later, she said yes.
Candace and Julius had been dating for a shorter amount of time than Gill and Luna, so she was surprised that he popped the question as soon as he did. It had only been a week since Luna had burst into the tailor shop declaring her need for a beautiful wedding gown as Gill had given her a blue feather.
Candace had gone to check on Julius upon hearing he was hurt. She was glad to see he was well, at least for the most part. He was so sweet to her when he spoke of liking her. She was already so down knowing that she certainly would not be having Gill, that Gill had chosen Luna, and that it would stay that way. And when she realized Julius had probably hurt himself looking for the feather to propose to her...
Candace was nothing if not a perpetual hand in her own misfortune. She said yes.
Going back to the Tailor shop and telling Luna and her grandmother about her engagement wasn't as nerve wracking as it should have been. Her grandmother was surprised but pleased, and Luna was overjoyed that her sister would no longer be alone.
"You've finally found love Candace! We both have, so close together! Isn't it wonderful?"
"O-of course." Candace said, and she gave a small smile to her younger sister, not surprised that Luna was happy for her. Luna had always been caring, underneath it all. It helped to see Luna so happy for her, even if the comparisons in their weddings that she started on about set something twisting in Candace's gut.
Laying on her bed that night, unable to sleep as she pondered her and her sister's engagements, she knew that she had never had a chance with Gill. He was her sun, but that wouldn't matter to him. He was someone who was always thinking, and moving, and working. He didn't like to waste time and she knew he would have found her stuttering and shyness far too much to deal with at any given time. It never would have worked between them.
No, Luna was perfect for Gill. They both complemented each other so well in all that they were. In drive, in attitude, even in some ways their approach to life. Both showed how much they cared in sometimes downright arrogant ways. Luna's childishness also offset Gill's seriousness. It was both helpful and heartbreaking to realize what a good couple they made.
Julius was a lot of things she wasn't. She guessed that was why they worked so well in any setting. Candace knew she would not be asked out by anyone else. She knew she would not fall in love with someone else. Julius was her only chance at even a semblance of love. She knew they made a good couple theoretically, but she was unsure of what he saw in her. In Candace, the quiet girl who was head over heels in love with her sister's fiancé and engaged to another man. The girl who was going through with an engagement not because she was in love, but because she didn't want to be alone. But, she acknowledged, love had little to do with sense.
Luna and Gill got married almost a full season before she and Julius. Candace had insisted, not wanting to get in the way of her sister's wedding plans. Julius had been understanding, and had said they could wait a bit, since they were already engaged, and it didn't have to be immediate. She appreciated that twice as much knowing he actually wanted to marry immediately. She visited more often to ease the burden on him. He seemed to be extremely grateful.
Candace's wedding dress had actually been their mother's. Luna hadn't wanted to wear such a plain dress, but Candace thought it suited her. She took in a deep breath as she walked down the aisle to a smiling Julius, who took her hand briefly with love. She heard Perry begin the wedding vows and she couldn't help but think about how this was it. There was no backing out after this. But she knew that this was best. It was what would make everyone else happy, at least. That would be best, she decided. Candace had made her decision what felt like many years ago.
When Perry asked the question, the "I do" came out much clearer than she had expected.
The reception was only bearable when Julius was by her side, surprisingly enough. She found she couldn't stand the congratulations unless he was there, beaming away, happy to be married at last. He was the one who wanted to be congratulated. She smiled some though, seeing how happy he was, how happy Luna was. This was what she could do for them.
That night was the first night they made love. He was the perfect gentleman, and he worshipped her like the Goddess, which made her very uncomfortable. She couldn't help but cry when he was inside her. It wasn't so much the pain as it was the knowledge that even after all this time, she still would rather he be Gill. He had of course taken the tears as those of pain and done his best to shoo them away. She tried to give him pleasure any way she could, and soon they were in a collapsed heap on the bed. She could feel him drift off to sleep beside her and she stared at the wall to his house. Their house. She had had sex with her husband for the first time, and it hadn't been anything special and she could feel a compression deep in her heart that she was beginning to recognize as grief. This wasn't how she had wanted it to be. Still, it could have been worse. At least she had someone. She drifted off to sleep with that thought in mind.
Candace was surprised to discover she was pregnant before Luna. She was also beginning to wonder if she was going to start measuring her life in "what Luna and Gill have done" and "what Luna and Gill haven't done", although perhaps she already was. Julius was ecstatic about the baby. She too, was excited. A child was different. A child's love was different. She prayed that the birth of this child would relieve her of her grief and help her move forward. She was constantly watching out for herself, constantly on edge about making sure she wouldn't disrupt the life growing within her.
Angie was a beautiful child. She was calm and quiet and worth everything to Candace. Candace hadn't glowed during her pregnancy, she'd glowed after it. She finally had someone who would love her, whom she could love without regret. She could finally say it had been worth it. Angie was a lot like her, which scared her. Once she saw Julius in Angie, she began to relax. She was a child of both of them. Julius could get rid of the flaws that Candace had added. Candace herself encouraged Angie to be different from her. She didn't want her daughter to be as weak as her.
Because perhaps if Candace hadn't been so weak, she would have a child with a man she loved rather than liked. Perhaps she wouldn't have needed people to protect her, perhaps she wouldn't feel so indebted to her little sister. Perhaps she wouldn't hate herself. If Candace was stronger she could have gotten what she had wanted out of life, instead of walking the path expected of her. She didn't want Angie to make the mistakes she did. She encouraged her little girl to be brave, to not be so quiet, to speak up when she wanted something.
And she prayed like she never had before that her little girl didn't turn out just like her.
