There was a knock on the door. Jace jumped slightly and moved to shove the sketch book in his hand under his pillow, but stopped. It was just Alec; he could feel that much. He cleared his throat and swiped at his eyes, then said: "Come in."
Alec entered the room and closed the door behind him with a click. "Are you okay, Jace? Everyone's been wondering where you've been. I told them you were sick, but I don't think they believed me."
"Thanks for covering for me, man." Jace moved over on the bed so Alec could sit next to him. "I just- I can't see her right now."
Alec nodded and slid the book out of Jace's hand. "Did Clary draw this?"
Jace looked down at the image on the paper. It was of him, sketched in fierce, black strokes. His face showed the utmost rage as he pointed a seraph blade directly at Valentine's heart.
He looked away. It was impossible to see this, this proof that Clary still cared. "There's more," he told Alec. He could hear Alec flipping through the pages, looking at the drawings. Jace, lying on the couch in the Jade Wolf, his two-toned eyes glittering. Jace, relief written across his pale face as Clary returned with the Mortal Cup. Jace, close up, eyes half mast, lips parted.
Alec snapped the sketch book shut. "Where did you find this?"
"She left it with all the research we've been doing. I picked it all up when the Inquisitor came and brought it to the library, The book was under it all." Jace looked at Alec. "I'll give it back. I just…"
"You can't help but think that she still loves you," Alec finished his thought. "I agree. She's obviously been thinking a lot about the situation."
"It was easier to think that she was happy with Simon. I just want her to be happy."
Alec nodded. "Maybe you should talk about it-"
"No," Jace said harshly. "She thinks I have no emotions. That I don't care about anything, much less her. I'm just going to slip the book back in her room. She'll have no idea I've seen it."
"Jace-"
"No."
"You're proving her right, you know," Alec sighed and stood up. "Prove her wrong. Show her you still love her. She obviously still has feelings for you."
Alec left the room, leaving Jace to think about what he'd said.
"She doesn't love me," Jace muttered, and he stretched out on his bed and fell asleep.
He awoke a few hours later to a knocking at the door. He rubbed his eyes and opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, the door opened. As soon as he caught sight of a mane of fiery red hair, he rolled over to face the wall and groaned. Just what he needed.
"Did I wake you? I'm sorry," Clary said, pushing the door closed behind her. "Alec said you were sick and you didn't come down for dinner so I thought-"
"I'm fine," Jace said gruffly.
"You don't sound fine. Is something going on Jace? You know you can tell me anything."
He heard her set a plate down on the bedside table. The bed dipped a little as she sat down and she placed a warm hand on his bare shoulder.
He shook her off angrily. "Don't touch me."
There was silence between them for a few moments and then she said, "You have my sketchbook. I've been looking for it."
He sat up then,cursing himself for leaving it on the bad, and tried to gauge her reaction without looking at her face. "Clary-"
"It's fine. I don't care."
He could tell from her voice that she did. "I'm still sorry."
"Well, now you know everything." She pushed herself back against the headboard and closed her eyes.
"I do?"
"Yes. Those drawings are like my diary, Jace. You're all I think about, everyday. I just wish you felt the same."
"But what about Simon?"
"I love Simon. But not like I love you."
Jace fell silent. How could she think that she was alone in her feelings? "I know you think that I don't feel anything. But it's not true. You're the one who makes me feel things. The weakness Valentine accuses me of? It's my love for you."
"But why have you been avoiding me?"
"I thought you loved Simon. I just wanted you to be happy."
"Oh, Jace," she said. "We need to communicate better."
He chuckled in agreement as he leaned in to kiss her like he'd been wanting to do for a long time.
