Disclaimer: This story is just a fan fiction, it will not make profit off of Ms. J.K. Rowling and it may cause some ROFLing to occur. You've been warned.

Heheheh. Tell me what you think, and I may continue it!

In the Northren reaches of Scotland, there lay a magnificant castle upon an expansive land with rolling hills and large lakes. Surely it would have been a fantastic place to live, own, visit, or tour, however, to 90 percent of the world's population, it did not exist. The main reason for this was not because of a top-secret government facility, or anything like that. It was simply because that this castle and its surronding lands was segregated from the rest of the world. The rest of the world who didn't know magic, of course.

This huge castle overseeing an equally large lake (with a giant squid to boot) was called Hogwarts, and housed the UK's brightest (and not-so-brightest) children, all of whom came for the education it provided. For Hogwarts was a magical school, offering teachings of such inane things like turning useless crap into more useless crap, or making feathers float and taking care of creatures that were crimes against nature.

Why the not-so-sunny disposition towards said school? Well first of all, the one this story is centered around is currently inside of this school's headmaster's office, though not by his own choice. Second of all, said person is surrounded by a bunch of wizards and witches, who are all currently staring at him like some sort of super-amassed tumor or something. Last but not least, they had picked him up from his apartment in Shinigawa, Tokyo, right when he was about to get lucky with a Japanese schoolgirl. A cute one too!

"So, do you mind explaining why you have deprived me of hot Asian sex?" the young man asked, crossing his well-shaped arms across his chest. "I mean, come on guys, I know at least half of you saw her naked! Any man would've given me at least ten minutes!"

Said young man was sitting crossly in the large chair facing the headmaster's desk, glaring around unhappily. He looked to be about fifteen years old, and was handsomely built in figure and face. He had long raven black hair, which was tied back into an excruciatingly neat ponytail with a red ribbon tied cleanly at the back of his head, and a smaller one keeping the end of the tail in order. He had a short fringe that wasn't tied back falling over his forehead, which reached to just above his eyes, trimmed accordingly to a center point so that they curved with his eyebrows. His eyes were delicately shaped, an odd thing on a male, but worked nicely with it, with lumniscient emerald green irises and naturally large almond-shaped eyes with long, thick eyelashes. Added to his perfect facial features, thin lips and arched nose, he was very good-looking, with an aristocratic air. Never mind about the several hoops that were adorning each ear, two on the bottom, one on the top, or the tattoos that covered the sides of his eyes, which made him look like a delinquint. The tattoo was of a tribal design, and it curved around his eyes, covering the temple and going from his eyebrows to the top of his cheek. The one on the right was large, and had several arched lines that made a beautiful pattern, while the one on the left was miniscule, just a few lines covering his eyebrow and a wicked curve that went down to his cheek. His eyebrows had been shaved off to compensate for the inked replacements.

He currently wore clothing that most teenagers nowadays would wear. A fancy-looking black leather jacket with few buttons and pockets was on top of a tight white long sleeved shirt, which was also covered by a black vest for some reason. He wore black khakis and ankle-high boots that looked like slim Doc Martin's. His waist was adorned by thick leather belts that held a triangle-shaped plate on his back, which had two clamps on each side.

An elderly old man with a long white beard smiled benignly at him from across the desk, while the big red bird peered at him curiously. "Forgive us for... interrupting your leisure time," Albus Dumbledore said, steepling his fingers. "However it was imperative that you were to be brought to Hogwarts immediately, for your own safety."

The young man rolled his eyes. "I had a condom you know," he told Dumbledore. "No need to haul me half across the damn planet. You could've just tossed me a rubber while you were there you know."

"I wasn't talking about sexual protection," Dumbledore said, while some of the other people present shifted uncomfortably. "However I am pleased to know that you are taking precautions towards such a thing. No, the real reason you are here for protection is because there is an evil man out there that wishes to kill you."

"Yeah? Add him to the list," the boy said impetuously. "It'll be a six month waiting list, less if he really wants me dead."

Dumbledore nodded thoughtfully. "Ah, I had thought that you some troubles," he said, nodding towards a tall black man in red robes, who was holding onto two long curved swords in his hands. "Or you wouldn't need such things."

"Uh huh," the boy said with a yawn. "Listen, if we're done here, I'd kinda like to get back home. Japanese girls are easily offended when you don't do your end of the deed, and I don't wanna be on the end of a vengeance curse. So... Portkey me the fuck outta here."

"Please," he added after an afterthought.

Dumbledore sat back with a smile. "So you do know of the magical world," he said pointedly.

The boy made a sour face. "Magical world?!" he mock-gasped. "No fucking way! I can't believe there's such a thing! You know, after having found out ten years ago that I can make shit happen out of the blue, and instantly appear wherever I want whenever I want - Come on, gimmie a break. Even a blind muggle with amputed legs and a slightly retarded disposition could find out about the magical world that easily."

"Be that as it may," Dumbledore said, ignoring the boy's rant, "Would you perhaps listen to me if I explained why you must stay here?"

The boy reclined back in his chair, kicking his feet up onto the desk and scattering some silvery objects. Some of the people in the room sputtered angrily, but Dumbledore didn't mind. "Here's a tip:" he offered. "Bribe me with stuff, then I'll listen. I'm actually quite hungry at the moment, if you catch my drift."

"I have indeed caught it," Dumbledore smiled, snapping his finger. A house elf appeared.

"What can Tibby be doing for Headmaster?" the little creature asked.

"Please bring up a plate of some of the opening feasts' food for this young gentleman," Dumbledore told the elf. Tibby nodded and snapped her fingers, making a huge plate of heavy English food appear on the desk.

"Sweet," the boy said, taking his feet off and digging into the steak and kidney pie. "Always had a thing for English food, but I'll always love Japanese. So, staying here, what?"

Dumbledore nodded. "I do not know if you realize it or not, but your life is in grave danger, even more than usual," he added, cutting off the boy's reply. "The evil man I spoke of is perhaps the most powerful Dark wizard in the world - "

"Not Dark," the boy interrupted.

"Pardon me?" Dumbledore asked, puzzled.

"Light and Dark do not factor in with Good and Evil," the boy explained, as if he were talking to a two year old. "There can be Good Dark wizards, and Evil Light wizards. Magic is magic, don't confuse it with feelings and emotions."

Dumbledore let out a genuinely large smile. "I believe that we will get along fine," he told the boy, who shrugged and continued gorging himself. "Now, I shall correct myself: This evil wizard calls himself Lord Voldemort - "

"I'm sorry," the boy interrupted again, his face on the verge of letting out a huge grin. "'Lord Voldemort'? Is he gay?"

"Not that I know of," Dumbledore replied. "His real name is Tom Marvolo Riddle."

"He's got to be gay then," the boy mused, before waving his hand for Dumbledore to continue. The old man looked amused for a moment.

"Sexual preferences aside, Tom is quite powerfully magically, and at the moment, politcally," Dumbledore said. "His return a few months ago was publicly denied by our Ministry of Magic, so he pretty much has free-reign to do whatever he wants."

"Your ministry is run by a bunch of jerk-offs then," the boy yawned, having finished his plate. "I say we kill 'em all."

"Maybe later," Dumbledore said absentmindly. "All joking aside, I have great reason to believe that Tom will come after you."

The boy leaned forward. "He can try if he wants, but why?" he asked.

"What do you know about your parents?" Dumbledore asked.

The boy lounged back. "Not much, only that they gave me up for adoption when I was born," he said, searching his memory. "I got adopted by some family, they moved to Japan for work or something, then died and left me everything. I've been on my own since I was ten."

"That is sad to hear," Dumbledore said with sincerity. "However, the full story of that is much more complicated. You see, your parents had to give you away for your own safety. If they had kept you, you would not be living today."

"Well that sucks," the boy commented. "Why?"

"Because fourteen years ago, Tom wanted your family dead," Dumbledore said gravely. "There was a prophecy concerning your family, and the only way for you - and the wizarding world at whole - to be safe was to remove you from your family."

He looked as old as he was supposed to. "It was... not the easiest choice your parents had to make. Lose one son forever, or both? It broke your poor mother's heart."

"Eh? Both?" the boy asked, his interest piqued. "I have a brother?"

Dumbledore smiled widely. "Why yes, you do," he said. "A twin brother, who goes by the name of Harry Potter."

"Sounds gay," the boy said casually, illiciting a shocked gasp from a stern looking witch in green robes.

"I assure you, he is most definitely not," Dumbledore replied. "Would you like to meet him? He is waiting outside..."

The boy shrugged. "Yeah sure," he said. "Why the hell not? If he's my twin, then I can blame all the shit I do on him."

-----

Dumbledore ignored this as he called Harry into the office. Said young man walked in with a bewildered look, seeing half of the Order inside. "Professor?" he asked. "Is everything okay? You normally never contact me during the summer."

"Are you shitting me?" a boy came out of nowhere and stood in front of him. "Are you sure this is my twin? I mean, what the hell happened to him? He looks like an anorexic, five foot clone, not a twin?"

"Professor?!" Harry asked desperately. "What's going on?!"

"Harry, meet Haru," Dumbledore said with an insane twinkle in his eye. "Your older brother by two minutes."

"Ha!" Haru laughed, poking Harry in some places. "I'm the older twin! Suck!"

"Most definitely," Dumbledore agreed, making Harry drop his jaw in shock. "Since you were born at 11:57 Haru, Harry was born at 11:59, just as the seventh month dies, therefore he was the target for Voldemort, instead of you."

"Eh?" Haru asked.

"What are you talking about Professor?" Harry asked in a hard tone. "Just what is going on?! All of a sudden, I have a twin brother I've never heard about?"

"Whoa, talk about Emo," Haru snickered to himself.

"Yes, you are twin brothers," Dumbledore said serenely. "It is perhaps one of the best-kept secrets in the wizarding world, your brother's dissapearance. You see Harry, Haru, there was a prophecy made about the defeater of Voldemort, and sadly, both of you were ideal candidates. I will explain more later, but basically, the prophecy foretold of the one to vanquish Voldemort would be born as the seventh month (July) dies. Since we had found out that Lily was expecting twins, we knew that one of you would be the prophecy child. It was all up to chance to see which one it would be. When Haru came out of your mother's womb first, we immediately knew that Harry could be marked by Voldemort, and that Haru would most likely be killed in the trade. So, James and Lily did the hardest thing any loving new parent could do: they gave you up. In doing so, they saved not only your life, but the life of your brother and the wizarding world as well."

His eyes twinkled. "However, I did not expect such a character as yourself to appear before me, Haru," he said. "You are a sharp contrast to your brother here."

"You got that right!" Haru said loudly, jerking his thumb towards Harry. "I mean seriously old man, if he's the saviour, why does it look like a gentle summer breeze could tip him over?!"

"I am not weak!" Harry protested.

"I assure you Haru, Harry is anything but weak," Dumbledore added. "He has faced many hardships in his short life, though from what I've heard, nowhere near as much as you. Some of the stories revolving around you are quite... graphic."

Haru merely shrugged. "I grew up with the 'caged animal' mindset," he said nonchalently. "Don't take shit from nobody, and everything's good. Can I have my stuff back?"

"As long as you promise not to kill any of us," Dumbledore said with a smile.

Haru snickered. Kingsley warily gave the boy his matching daitos back, and Haru clamped them onto the triangular device on his waist, so they hung in an X behind him. The tips of the sayas scraped against the ground quietly as he walked about. Dumbledore then gave him his wand back. Haru peered over it meticulously, making sure that it wasn't damaged in any way. The ten inch red cherry wand with unicorn hair looked to be in normal condition, so he slid it into his bicep holster on his left arm. Haru's holster was placed there because he could stand around with his arms crossed, and draw his wand without anyone knowing.

"So... what happens now?" Harry asked, standing beside his twin, though he still hardly believed what was going on. It was too much to take in at the moment.

"Can I go home now?" Haru asked. "Seriously, if I don't get some poon -"

"Going home is no longer an option," Dumbledore said sadly. "Voldemort knows of your location, thanks to your past instances of... flaunting your abilities to your enemies."

Haru looked scandalized. "And how else do you fight someone?" he asked incredulously. "'Oh hey, I'm going to cast a bone breaking curse at you, get ready!' Not likely."

Dumbledore nodded. "Be that as it may, your home is most likely compromised."

"So I'll move somewhere else."

"You do not understand," Dumbledore said, a little annoyance in his voice. "There is nowhere safe in your hometown anymore. Voldemort will surely make sure that the entire city is watched over with his many agents."

"I thought Voldemort only had his Death Eaters and Inner Circle?" Harry asked, confused.

"Not true," Sirius Black said, stepping up. "During the first war, Voldemort had huge numbers at his command. Not only did he have his Death Eaters, but he also had giants, vampires, werewolves, dementors and even more dark creatures. When most of the families that were publicly against him went into hiding, those that weren't under the Fidelius had their homes staked out by hundreds of Voldemort's army. If Dumbledore says that you can't go, you bloody well believe that you can't go home."

Haru looked at the darkened man with wide eyes. "Gotcha," he said shortly. "So who am I crashing with then? How bout her?"

He pointed to Tonks, whose hair turned a menacing bloodred. "Okay, fine then," Hary said quickly. "Miss out on the orgasms for all I care. Well?"

Dumbledore stroked his beard. "Considering that Harry will be spending the rest of his summer at headquarters, I think it wouldn't hurt for you to be there as well," he surmised. "You are, after all, family."

"Family other than the Dursleys..." Harry muttered to himself.

"Headquarters?" Haru asked. "Like your super-secret meeting place where you discuss your plans and all that fanfare?"

"Something like that," Sirius said. "It actually my old dump of a house."

"Wow, that just took my respect of you down a few notches," Haru commented. "Well, let's get moving then. If I'm not getting any, then I'm getting sleep."

-----

"Ara ara, this place is a dump!" Haru commented in shock upon entering Number 12, Grimmauld Place. (My my,)

"You think I was joking?" Sirius asked dryly. "Grim old place, this is. Get it??"

"Lame," Hary muttered, as they passed by a bunch of curtains covering a portrait. "Hey, who's behind -"

"No!" Sirius, Tonks and Remus whisper-shouted at him, grabbing his limbs.

Haru looked confused as Sirius and Remus had his arms, and Tonks had him around the waist. "Er, no offence guys, but I don't like you that much," he told the men. He glanced down at Tonks' bubblegum hair. "You on the other hand..."

She pointed her wand at his crotch. "You wanna keep that thing?" she asked dangerously.

"I wouldn't mind it, thanks."

After a short tour, Harry and Haru were left alone in one of the bedrooms, sitting awkwardly across from eachother on their respective beds.

"So..."

"Yeah..."

"What's Japan like?" Harry asked boldly.

Hary's face lit up. "Fucking great!" he said enthusiastically. "First, there's the food..."

They chatted for a few hours, getting to know eachother and falling into a brotherly routine just as the door opened, and admitted two people.

It was Ron and Hermione, Harry's best friends. The red headed Weasley male had looked to have grown an inch or so, though he was still as gangly as ever, the mountains of food consumed at Hogwarts seemingly having no effect on his growth. As for Hermione, she looked very nice, having tamed her wild brown hair some, and she even looked like she wore a little makeup as well. Harry supposed that she had decided to keep up her looks after the Yule Ball last year. Haru watched the two with interest while they stopped dead in their tracks and gawked at him.

"Hey, I know I'm good-looking and all, but it gets creepy when guys stare at you like that," he said with a smirk. "You gay or something?"

Ron tore his eyes away from Haru angrily. "No I'm not gay!" he said vehemently. "Who the bloody hell are you?"

"Haru."

"Haru?"

"I'm this guy's brother," Hary explained, jerking his thumb towards Harry. "Surprise!"

"Are you really?!" Hermione asked excitely. "I can see the similarities! Although you're a lot... different than Harry is..."

"Translation: I'm sexier than you," Haru told his younger brother of two minutes. Harry rolled his eyes while Hermione flushed.

"I didn't say that!" she protested.

Haru raised an eyebrow. "So now you're callin' me ugly?" he asked her. "It's the tattoos, isn't it? Damn it, why are people turned off by tattoos?!"

"It's not that!" Hermione said quickly. "I just meant that..."

"Well if I'm not sexy or ugly, what am I?" Haru asked with an amused grin. "I can't be normal, can I?"

"You're annoying!" Hermione finally exploded.

"You're sexy!" Haru countered, making her turn horribly red and lose all thought processes. Ron looked fit to murder him.

"Hey!" he shouted. "Hermione is not -"

"I wouldn't finish that sentence," Haru warned Ron, backing away from him and Hermione.

"No, by all means Ronald, do continue," Hermione said with a dark gleam in her eyes.

"You sure do like to stir things up," Harry commented as he stood beside his twin.

"Makes life interesting," Haru replied as Hermione lit into Ron about how to properly treat the fairer sex. Two loud pops scattered their brains as two red headed men apparated into the room.

"Well, if it isn't Harry and ... Harry?" Fred asked as he caught site of Haru.

"Blimey mate, you've got to teach us that trick!" George said, peering at Haru curiously. "How'd you manage it?"

"Hey look, more twins!" Haru said, pointing at the two.

"Twins?" George asked.

"Are you saying -"

"That you two are twins?" they said in their twin speech.

Haru gaped at them. "We have got to learn that shit!" he told Harry excitedly. "Although I bet Occlumency and Legillimency would do the same thing..."

"It gets old real fast," Harry muttered. "Guys, this is my long-lost twin brother, Haru."

"Haru?" Ron asked, having fled from Hermione's grasp. "What kind of name is that?"

"It's Japanese, boke!" Haru barked. (It's Japanese, dumbass!)

"That's quite a coincidence, it's like Harry in Japanese," Hermione noted.

"I assure you, it's total coincidence," Haru told her. "Either that or my parents were really lame."

"So what brings you to this humble hovel?" Fred asked, plopping down on Harry's bed.

"Same old, same old," Haru said dismissively. "Someone trying to kill me, must be moved for safety and all that jizz."

"All that..." Hermione murmured to herself.

"What is all that noise?" a voice asked, as its owner came into the room. Ginny looked at Haru curiously. "You must be Haru."

"How do you know?" Ron asked her.

"I overheard mum and dad talking about him," Ginny retorted. "Eavesdropping Ronnikins, that's the term we use."

"Man, this house is full of some good-looking girls if I say so myself," Haru pointed out. "Any others that I'm not aware of?"

"Emmeline Vance," George said.

"You've seen Tonks," Fred added.

"Ooh, what about Hestia Jones?"

"She's not exactly young brother of mine..."

"But she's not exactly old either! And you know what they say about older women..."

"Cougers!" they both finished with a dirty grin.

"Okay, well I'm sufficiently grossed out," Ginny muttered, leaving the room. "Oh yeah, Dumbledore wants to talk to you Haru. Might as well follow me, I know where he is."

-----

"It's good to know that the rest of the castle isn't as flamboyant as the headmaster's office," Haru mused, as he loosened his Hogwarts tie. "God damn it! Why do we have to wear such gay uniforms! It makes me look like a stooge!"

"I think it's a good look for you," Hermione said, snorting slightly.

"Yeah, it goes well with the tattoos," Haru muttered. "And don't get me started on you!"

Hermione looked aghast. "What about me?" she asked, smoothing out her uniform.

"Do you really want to know?" Haru asked, with a lecherous grin that she missed.

"Of course!"

"Okay," he said, closing his eyes and making a serious face while crossing his arm. "Your skirt is way too long, your shirt isn't tight enough across the chest, the covering robes hide that delicious body of yours, and lastly, I can so tell you're not wearing a bra that enhances your cleavage."

Hermione, Harry and Ron looked at Haru in horror. Harry himself couldn't wonder why Haru would say such a thing at all!

"I'm supposed to look like a student, not a harlot!" Hermione fumed.

"I didn't mean whorish, just hot," Haru told her with an annoyed look. "What's wrong with that?"

"Because Hogwarts has a dress code," Hermione shot back. "There's no indecency!"

"There's nothing indecent with losing half a foot of skirt!" Haru argued. "I mean, come on! It's past your knees!"

"I happen to like it that way!"

"You've never gotten laid, have you?"

"How dare you!"

"Listen, I'm just tring to help you out here," Haru said, changing tactics. He drew his wand out. "How bout we make a bet?"

"What kind of bet?" Hermione asked warily.

"I bet you that if you look how I think you should, for a month, then you'll get noticed a helluva lot more," Haru said. "If I win, then you gotta keep dressing like that."

"And if you lose?" Hermione asked with a raised eyebrow. Harry and Ron couldn't believe that she was even considering it!

"I'll be your sex slave for a month," Haru said.

"That's still a win for you!"

"What are you talking about?! For all I know, you could be the quiet type who's into whips and ass paddles!"

"I am NOT into whips!"

"You forgot to mention ass paddles..."

"Enough!" Hermione shouted. "If you lose, then you have to be my personal non-sexual servant for a month! Is that acceptable?"

"Deal!" Haru said, shaking her hand with a grin. "Now, let me work my magic..."

The ride in the carraiges was an interesting ten minutes as Hermoine let Haru alter her Hogwarts uniform with his wand. Ron's face was red as they stepped out, and Harry stood meekly beside his brother, who had an arrogant grin on his face. Hermione was lacking her robes, and only wore he uniform, and she looked extremely nervous. She kept tugging at the hem of her much-shorter skirt - which barely covered her thighs - as if she were trying to make it longer. Her blouse and vest were a size smaller, and they clung tightly to her torso, clearly showing off her now-boosted chest. Even her hair had been tamed, with a bottle of some product that Haru wore in his hair, making it perfectly straight and wavy, all the way to the small of her back.

Haru gave an appreciative nod. While not stellar-looking or anything, Hermione was quite pretty, and it showed. She had long legs which finally showed off some creamy white thigh between the skirt and socks, and a great figure for someone her age. Even though she was nearly only sixteen, Haru made do with what little cleavage she had, and used a combination boosted and padded bra to help her out. Hermione had not asked about where his knowledge of bras came from.

"I feel so exposed!" Hermoine said nervously, her cheeks flushed as she kept her hands on her skirt. "Did you have to make it so short?!"

"I could make it hang just above your ass if you want," Haru said with an evil smirk.

She looked furious. "No thank you!" she bit out. "When this is over, I'm going to have you doing the most disgusting jobs I can think of!"

"That's assuming that you'll win," Haru pointed out. "So far, your dear friends can't keep their eyes off of you. Looks like I'm gonna win."

Hermione shot her furious glare towards Harry and Ron, who were immediately looking away with innocent looks on their faces.

Haru stopped laughing long enough to look up at the beautiful castle that was now his home. "Wonder what house I'll be in..."