A/N: Wow, hello lovelies. I'm back with a new fandom to write for. I do not own Skins, and because it is literally two am I have nothing clever to say. I'm just...seeking answers without knowing the questions. Enjoy.

Dear Tony,

Hey there…long time since we talked, yeah?


Dear Tony,

It's your sister. Effy. Remember me?


Dear Tony,

You fucking bastard I fucking hate you


Dear Tony,

I'm writing this to you because it's two am and I'm wide away, spliffed out of my mind. I must have started this letter a dozen times, trying to get it right. No matter how I arrange the words and phrases, they never seem to add up to what I'm trying to say. I think maybe that's because I don't even really know what that is, except that I love you more than anything even though I hate you too.

It's been two months since the last time we talked. Did you know that? I had almost forgotten, you know, until the other day when Mum mentioned how long it's been since you've rang round the house. I want you to know I'm not mad about it at least not anymore. I understand why you needed to get away from this place. I understand the way that it eats away at you until all that's left is your raw soul, all bare and exposed and vulnerable. I know how it tears your heart to shreds and fills all the cracks and holes with hatred and darkness. I know how it feels to be awake and two am, totally alone.

It's happening to me, Tony. The world has broken me down, made me weak. I tried to be strong, just like you told me to be. I tried to hold on, Tony. But I cant…I cant hold on anymore. I'm not you, okay? I cant stop the whole world from falling apart. And you're not here anymore to hold it together for me. I feel as if I'm drowning, you know? Soon my lungs will be all filled up with water and then I'll disappear below the surface forever.

I want you to know that I love you. More than I could ever express on this damned paper with this fucking pen, I love you. But you're not here anymore, you know, and love is a string that can only stretch so far without snapping. I'm tired, you know, from the drugs and the nighttime and the constant war in my mind. I'm screaming bloody murder and not a soul is looking up at me. Where the fuck have you been

So, this time I'm telling YOU to be strong, Tony. I'm telling you to hold on. Because you will be okay without me in your life, but I could never be okay without you in mine. You are going to move on, and then Effy will be nothing more than the ghost of a memory. She will fade away, you know, and nobody will notice she's gone more than they ever noticed she was here. Don't let go, okay? No matter how hard it gets, don't let go. Don't let me be a ghost, Tony.

For the record, you could have saved me

Goodnight, Tony.

Always, Effy.

"Tone! Post for you."

Tony heard Sid's voice calling him, an echo that reached to the kitchen from the foyer. Tony took a long sip of the beer can he'd been holding before slamming it back onto the counter top. Running a hand through his dark hair, he grabbed his hoodie off the hook and his pack of cigarettes off the table.

"Set it aside, mate. I'm going out."