Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Just this idea.
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1/9/95 Dear Diary,
My name is Dolores Jane Umbridge. I am senior undersecretary to the Minister of Magic, a position I worked hard to reach. It took a great amount of ambition, education, bribery, waiting time, and sleeping with the minister, but it was worth it. I am now second only to Cornelius Oswald Fudge, the Minister of Magic himself!
I am now also the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Though I truly detest children, I must pretend not to. But oh it's hard! Very few of them paid attention to my ministry approved speech. Surely they notice the fragmented and inferior, dangerous education they are getting? But then again, they are under the influence of the deranged Albus Dumbledore and in the company of the mad, lying Harry Potter. I will bring the two of them down. I will restore order to the wizarding community.
Dolores Jane Umbridge.
Fergie: Blimey, she slept with FUDGE?!?!?!?!?!?!
Georgia: Aw, Umbridge and Fudge! How cute! (vomits)
Harrieta: That's really sickening.
Fergie: Yup! You guessed right you old toad! We stole your diary, and we're using confidential code names so you'll never guess our true identities!
Heiferninny: Why am I named something so ridiculous as 'Heiferninny?'
Harrieta: Why am I named 'Harrieta' when I'm a boy? Hm?
Rum: You're the one who came up with the names Harrieta! You tell us!
Georgia: I'm a guy too! But why are we talking about ourselves? I'll be right back!
Jenny: What did you do?
Georgia: It's posted in the Great Hall. Now the whole school can know she slept with Fudge! Ah, corruption, how MARVELOUS!!!
Harrieta: Let's go read and comment on the next entry! Do we have time?
Fergie: Yeah, let's go!
