Tomorrow
I had tears in my eyes that were fighting to be let free. I shouldn't be crying, I should be celebrating the happiest moment of my life. I finally have what I want. My dreams have come true more than I could ever hope. It doesn't stop the tears though. Being happy doesn't stop the thought of tomorrow. I may only be an eighteen year old, high school senior, with low class parents, no job, and nothing to live for; but in this moment I have everything. If only the thought of school tomorrow would go away. I'm not smart, anyone could tell you that, but even I know that tomorrow this will all go away. I won't be here in this house, in this bed. I'll be forced away, pushed out by my friends once word spreads. How could anyone accept me now? Everyone always thought I was a freak and I have only proven that tonight. Still, in the back of my mind I know that I am happy. Having this moment is worth what tomorrow will bring.
School is hell for me anyway. So I can almost welcome the new torture. At least people will shut up about me being dirt poor. I can't help it that my parents' only know how to fight. Still, I get teased for not being able to afford a school lunch, or even a sack lunch really. Kids' scream insults about my hygiene across the hallways. They are merciless about my looks. I must admit that my short-5'7"-stature added to my skinniness doesn't really help me. I guess being blonde doesn't help either, especially since I'm not that smart. People have told me that they liked my eyes though, and my voice. Apparently having bright blue eyes and a soft but deep voice makes up for being poor. Somehow those two things make up for a lot.
Well my voice was all I needed to get Bebe in bed. Not that anyone had trouble getting her into bed. Hell if Cartman wanted he could have her easily. She told me herself that she had slept with all the guys in our grade except Cartman and Stan. I bet she would screw Stan if he wasn't dating her best friend. That's the only girl I've gotten though. I guess I should expect that, my looks don't work for me and I've accepted that. Still I wished I could have someone else, now I have my wish-just not how I intended. When people tell you to be careful what you wish for they mean be specific. You wish for a puppy and you'll get one that is going to die, wish for a friend and you get an old person who listens. I learned my lesson about wishing, never wish for someone to love because it just doesn't work out how you hope.
Well now because of my wish I'm stuck here hoping that tomorrow will be okay, normal even. There's still a part of me that says there's still time to stop. I could run away now and we could all go back to normal. Then there's another part of me, a stronger part. That part wants nothing more but this. That small piece of me wants me to go all the way through with what ever this is and not give up. I guess my other half must be weak because I don't stop. There's really no reason for me to stop. I like what's happening-as sick as that is-and I don't want it to stop. No matter how twisted my mind is I guess I can't help the fact that I love who I love and now I have them here with me. But I know that this thing that is happening between us isn't love on their part. For them it's just getting rid of some sexual tension and keeping me happy. Maybe if I was lucky it could grow into something more, but life doesn't work like that-not for me.
I can feel a hand run through my hair. Then slowly it traces my face. I want to moan out in pleasure. I don't though. If I did anything then everything would be ruined. So I stay quiet and grin to myself and I feel sweet kisses on my jaw line. I try to capture their lips but I know that would just make this even more wrong. Kissing seriously would make this more than a night of sexual tension being relished. So I just enjoy my moment. I wrap my arms around my lover and hope that they know my love. I wish I could receive the same love or even a fraction of that love. I can feel the body above me tense I don't know why, maybe out of discomfort. Somehow I don't think that's it, maybe it's out of affection, maybe this is becoming real for both of us now. I don't question I just allow the different emotions to swallow us. Lips travel from my bare chest to my collarbone, then to my jaw, and finally to my cheek. Oh I wish I could turn my head and feel lips on mine, I still don't dare move my head. I know better than to move my head. I would just make this all the more difficult.
Oh I wish that we could just keep going. All night maybe, I'm sure we could go all night if we allowed ourselves to. The thought of school crosses my mind again. If we went all night it would only make the looks more difficult to stand. The car ride to and from school would awkward and silent unlike usual. That didn't bother me as much as the idea of not coming over after school. If it was awkward then I would have to go home-if you can call that place a home-and that would mean less time together. I don't know what's worse. I just know that if I push this something will go wrong. I have to be the one to follow any move that's made I'll go through with but I can't suggest anything. Then it would be weird because my feelings are that of love, if I suggested something it would just make me look eager I wouldn't be able to hide my true feelings.
If anything I guess I should be happy with the little amount of time I have been given. I can't afford to dwell on the past and thinking about the future is, too, painful. So instead I live for the moment. Most would say I was reckless or foolish but I say that I live. I refuse to believe I have a problem. Even if teachers send me to counselors I will stay who I am. Nothing is wrong with me, I just had a hard time figuring out whom I was, what was missing. Now I know what was missing but I can't have it and I can't even suggest it. If I even hinted about what wanted all I would get would be weird looks and snide remarks. I'd prefer to keep my thoughts in my head. I'd rather keep my dreams then utter them out loud and be belittled for them.
I guess my lover couldn't belittle me for my fantasies. In all reality they were here. I may have different intentions than they do but it doesn't even matter. I know that soon my lover and I will fall asleep in each other's arms and maybe then I will feel loved. Maybe then I will know an emotion that has always been deprived from me. That's all I want is to know love but unfortunately for me I chose the wrong person to love. I know that I'll never be loved back unless after this one night I move on. I have to stop thinking about what has happened and just think about the women I will have in the future. That thought doesn't sit well with me though, I guess I won't get over this night quickly but I have to try. I just need a little more tonight and then I should be okay all I need is a little more love tonight.
As if on queue lips travel my body once again. It's almost odd having these lips on me. Maybe that's a good thing, this sense that something isn't right. Or maybe it's just that these lips have touched everywhere on me but my own lips. I don't think that will help though. All I've thought about for the last two weeks was having my lips on those. I would only become worse if my fantasy came true. I can still hope though. I move as my lover steadies them self on the bed where their hand is placed the bed sinks and I slide towards the slope. I catch eyes for the first time tonight. Other than this moment we've avoided each other's glances. Right after that moment I can feel lips on my own. I know what it's like for love to kiss you. I can see my lover in a whole new light.
I welcome the kiss. I kiss back with everything I have left in me. I want to save this moment forever. Then that nagging part of my brain tells me to stop again. Think about tomorrow when you're at school it says-and I do. Tomorrow we won't look at each other-well I'll look but they won't know that. I'll have to hide out during lunch and not sit at my table anymore. Maybe I won't even get a ride to school and even if I do it won't be like always we won't talk and I won't turn and face them as they drive. I'll face forward and watch the world pass by. I'll be forced to walk miles home alone with no one. That's all I'll have left after tonight, no one and nothing. But still this moment scares away the thoughts of tomorrow, at least long enough to enjoy hearing my name escape their lips.
"Kenny." I want to moan after hear the husky way my name can be said, I'll never be so glad to hear my name, and it will never take me to such a high.
AN: All right, I have purposely tried to avoid giving away hints as to who' Kenny's lover is because then the story wouldn't be as fun in the end. All though most people have probably figured it out and if they haven't that's fine. I am trying a whole new thing here. I have never written South Park, love, or slash stories to this level before. I do hope that you will follow this story to it's bittersweet end and that you will help me along the way. I really would like the help if you are willing to give it. Let me know how I'm doing because this is new to me. Please remember that I don't own South Park or any of the characters or places you recognize, also it's South Park so please don't get offended by anything crude in later chapters you chose South Park you should know what that includes.
