Ron had just come to a realization. It hit him as he stared at his shoes in the ICU, the smell of piss and 409 so strong that it was almost unbearable. The realization though, had come nonetheless. Each plan that Ron had made lately was nothing more than a small prayer to father time, a prayer that as he sat there, wondered if it was even heard at all. Afraid of losing control again, Ron rationed his breaths while thinking to him self about how he had already take so much today. He held his head in his hands barley comprehending the fact that with each descending peak on the LCU, she was taken a little farther away from him. Away from him and into the dark.
And it came to me then that every plan
Is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stare at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself that I'd already
Taken too much today and each descending peak
On the LCD took you a little farther away from me
Away from me
Sitting here between the vending machines and tables strew with year old magazines just left Ron with nothing to think about but all the memories, promises and moments he had ever shared with her. This place, this hospital was one where you only said goodbye and Ron didn't want to say goodbye. Still, as he thought this, a violent wind seemed to shake his soul and he felt like all his memories depended on that faulty camera in his mind. A faulty camera that only took black and white photographs, photographs that if left in the sun too long bleached out the faces of the people. Leaving the photographer to forget who it was he had captured in that moment. If Ron forgot any of them he would be losing his childhood, himself. And her.
Amongst the vending machines and year old magazines
In a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend
On a faulty camera in our minds
It was now that Ron knew she was a truth. One he would rather lose than to have never laid beside at all. And how many times had he done that? Countless times and never did he tell her how he really felt. How much she meant to him, how she was the world to him. He looked around the room then, at all the eyes on the ground and wondered how many others felt like he did. The TV over heard droned white noise, seeming to entertain only itself.
And I knew you were truth I would rather lose
Than to have never lain beside at all
As I looked around at all the eyes on the ground
As the TV entertained itself
The waiting room held a feeling of empty comfort as people he didn't even know paced the floor, bracing themselves for bad news. So many other loved ones had offered to come sit here with him but all Ron wanted was for her to be all right. If she were fine he would be able to breathe normally again, to be able to feel everything once more. Without her he would shatter, no reason to live if your world went dark he thought to himself. Now the nurse came in and the people around lifted their heads, but he could do nothing but think of what Harry had said. That love was watching someone die.
Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just the nervous pacers bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes round and everyone
Lifts their heads but I'm thinking of what
Sarah said
If love was watching someone die, then Ron didn't want to feel love. Feeling love at this precise moment would mean letting go of the one thing he needed to survive. Then who would watch him die, who would love him as much as she had, with all of her being? Ron didn't want anyone else to love him like that, love hurt too much. A great and terrible thing that was demanding him to let her go.
That love is watching someone die
So who's gonna watch you die?
So who's gunna watch you die?
