「Volume One: Fading Shadows 」
ShadowClan camp, only moments ago, had been alive with the sounds of battle. Caterwauling and hissing had drowned out the all usual ambient noise the cats were accustomed to. Nowadays, for a Clan camp to be a place of conflict was highly unusual - especially in a time of peace.
But Blazetail shouldn't have been surprised that a WindClan raid party had attacked. Tensions between ShadowClan and WindClan had been mounting for a while now. It was only a matter of time that those tensions erupted into conflict. Nipping on the heels of a retreating tom, he grimly wondered what lengths the enemy would go to. Attacking an enemy camp? That was a bold move.
Blazetail glared, watching as the retreating tom's tail snaked between the boulder sitting in front of ShadowClan's camp entrance. Blazetail was a large and powerful tom, underneath his dark ginger tabby coat was rippling muscle. As the final WindClan cat fled, he let out a triumphant cry. His fellow warriors joined him, creating a melody of victory.
Once the commotion died down, it was time for him to get to work. "Alright, any wounded cats go to Petalnose, those of you who are fine help repair any damage to the barrier!" Blazetail's voice rumbled, deep and commanding. He was about to help with the barrier until he saw the silver form of an old she-cat, lying in the dirt.
His amber eyes went wide he rushed over, "Silverstar!" Blazetail cried. Tentatively, he nosed through her fur. Relief swept over him when he found that her fur was neither limp nor was her body cold. ShadowClan's leader hadn't gone to hunt with their ancestors just yet; she was only unconscious.
But then his attention was brought to another form laying in the dirt. Unlike Silverstar, the cat was conscious and curled up in a tight ball. They were small with a sickly, frail frame, their expression was pained - though not from the physical kind. The cat's pelt was predominantly white, with black splotches along their body. Their left ear and their whole tail was black.
Blazetail immediately recognised the cat. "Smallpaw, what are you doing? You're supposed to be in the medicine cat den with Petalnose." he meowed. Blazetail couldn't help but let irritation slip into his voice. He was supposed to remain in the medicine cat den - where it was safe - so why was he in the middle of camp?
Thw tom had a hunch that he knew why. Blazetail hadn't forgotten the commotion that Smallpaw, Smallkit at the time, made the day before his apprentice ceremony. "Take Silverstar to the medicine den. Here, I'll help you." he spoke.
It was clear from the stark contrast between the two toms that Blazetail would be the one doing most of the heavy lifting. Almost completely independent of Smallpaw's influence, he carried their unconscious leader into the medicine cat den. Gently, the deputy laid her down in a moss nest. "She's unconscious, but I don't know how badly she's hurt." Blazetail murmured to Petalnose. He then left the medicine cat den, his tail disappearing behind him.
Petalnose was a pretty she-cat, with long chestnut-brown tabby fur. She took great care of it, which is why it was so sleek and soft. Parts of her fur were lighter such as; her muzzle, paws, underbelly, and legs. Her green eyes were usually gentle, but they were harshly fixed on her apprentice. She would talk to Smallpaw later about his little stunt.
Meekly, Smallpaw attempted to ignore the eyes boring into his pelt. He felt hot with shame and humiliation. He had flat out ignored her cries for him to come back to the medicine cat den once the battle started, desperate to prove to Silverstar that he really did have what it took to be a warrior.
But now that Smallpaw had his first taste of battle, the harsh reality was clear - he was simply too frail. It was just as his mentor had told him, as Silverstar had told him, and even his mother and father told him. He had lost his breath soon after he engaged Stormstar, who had barely taken him seriously. He even thought he was a kit!
Smallpaw felt grief well in his heart and a lump form in his throat while he reached for some dock leaves. Silently, he chewed the leaves and treated any warriors who hadn't been treated by Petalnose. The tom's touch was soft and gentle as he applied the chewed-up dock leaves to scratches, lacerations, and cuts. The den, even with the several warriors now inhabiting it, remained quiet.
Suddenly, Petalnose cleared her throat. "Smallpaw?" she called. Her voice was soft, just as a medicine cat's voice should be, but there was a tone of irritation that crept through her words.
Smallpaw, hunched over, turned to face her.
"I would like a word."
He followed her out of the medicine cat den, his paws dragging along the ground. The little white-and-black knew what was coming. He couldn't bring himself to look into her eyes, he already knew that they full of disappointment.
Petalnose hissed, "enough is enough, Smallpaw. You could have been seriously hurt because of that mouse-brained stunt of yours! It's time to accept that you'll never be a warrior and make do with your position. I know it's not what you want to hear, but it's the harsh reality of it."
Smallpaw finally mustered up the courage to look his mentor in the eye. Just as he predicted, they were brimming with disappointment. That only served to intensify the feeling of shame inside him. He nodded his head, "I know, I'm sorry." he mumbled.
With a sigh, Petalnose continued, "are you ready to move on?"
"Yes. I remember what you said, about how I can be like Lionblaze through my spirit instead."
Smallpaw had heard Petalnose repeat the same mantra since he was made her apprentice three moons ago. But only now had he began listening to it. He had deluded himself into chasing after his kithood dream and allowed for his own misery to keep him dwelling on it. But now his eyes had been forced open to the truth and now he would work within those boundaries.
He couldn't be a warrior, valiantly fending off rogues and enemy Clans. What he could be, however, was the medicine cat ShadowClan needed him to be. Yet Lionblaze was still Smallpaw's hero - nothing would ever change that.
She nodded. Suddenly, Petalnose gave him a lick on his cheek. Smallpaw's expression twisted slightly, feeling a stinging pain flared up from his cheek wound. "Who gave you that?" Petalnose inquired, her voice low.
"Stormstar."
"You tried to fight Stormstar?!" Petalnose let out a horrified gasp, "you're lucky he didn't tear you to shreds!"
Smallpaw responded, "he realised really quickly I wasn't a. . .an apprentice." he meowed.
His mentor gave him a swift cuff over the ears, "you're lucky I don't tear to shreds! How mouse-brained could you be!" she scolded.
"I'm sorry, Petalnose." he responded quietly.
Petalnose sighed though still furious, "you don't ever do that again, okay? You had me worried sick."
The young tom looked up at her, hope shining in his eyes. "I promise. I won't mope about again."
While Smallpaw was beginning to embrace his destiny as a medicine cat, there was still one daunting challenge before him; how exactly was he going to be like Lionblaze now? Petalnose had said he could do it through his spirit, but what did that exactly entail? "Petalnose?" he meowed.
"Yes?"
"How exactly am I supposed to be like Lionblaze through my spirit?" Smallpaw asked innocently. While this may have been seen as a challenge to some, his question was genuine. He had only ever thought of being fierce, noble, and fair just as his hero had been; the epitome of a warrior. The young tom was at a loss of what to do. He was a dim firefly trying to be as bright as the stars. He needed help.
His mentor met his gaze, "you'll figure it out as you go," she answered. Petalnose gave Smallpaw an affectionate nuzzle, "but I'll be here to support you."
While the young tom was deeply disappointed with the answer, I don't know if she knows how. She probably told me that so I would feel better about being a medicine cat apprentice, he thought to himself. Smallpaw accepted the sign of affection, "okay." he meowed. It seemed so daunting, especially when being a warrior would have made fulfilling his dream much simpler.
Smallpaw felt stranded, how was he supposed to go about it without guidance? He never got time to continue thinking as Petalnose ushered him back into the medicine cat den to continue their duties. He followed his mentor, but his steps were tentative as if he was approaching a badger den.
As of now, Smallpaw felt like he was stumbling around in the pitch black. I can still be like him, can't I? he tried to reassure himself, but doubt was beginning to weigh heavy on his mind.
