Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto
Broken
By: LittlePinkDevil
Chapter 1 – Embracing the pain
My smile was empty
It was fake and forced
I look at you…
And I feel pain
She sat there cuddled in the corner of her room, her head bowed down as her pink tresses covered her eyes. She was like a shadow. Dark, invisible and ignored. She had sat there for countless hours now. She couldn't tell since time for her had frozen. She refused to move. Refused to live. She had lost hope. The hope she once treasured and kept. The hope to live a normal life. The hope to live and be free. But that was all in the past now, she was never that cheerful girl anymore. That part of her died. Gone and forever forgotten.
She trembled slightly as her pale skin felt the cool breeze entering the room from her open window. Her small hands rose to hug her petite body and brought her knees closer to her chest. Raising her head, she stared at the darkness that greeted her green orbs. Her room was always dark. She liked it that way. Darkness for her, was a friend. A companion yet so empty and so cold. But, she was never fazed at this. Because, she herself was also like that. Her heart had been frozen a long time ago along with her soul. And she was left like an empty shell.
She lowered her head and stared confusedly at her trembling hands. She was at the moment, confused. Her brows slightly furrowed and she clenched her fists. She felt nothing. No pain, no joy, no sadness. Nothing. She closed her eyes and searched her mind for any possible answers. But, nothing came up. Gently, she bit on her lip and heaved a soft sigh.
Slowly, she stood up and her legs led her towards her bed. She sat down and her fingers lightly touched the soft silk sheets. She eyed the light pink color as her fingers continued it's assault. She wanted so much to sleep. It had been so long and she had already forgotten how it felt. But she can't. Insomnia plagued her and nightmares would leave her crying in the middle of the night.
Still sitting in the bed, she turned her body the other way, a mirror now in front of her. Dead eyes stared back and her face was now different than it was years ago. Her pink lips were dry and chapped and her hair was messy and uncombed. But, she never cared. She didn't need to. She was useless now. So, what's the point?
Gently, she lied down her bed and stared at the ceiling. Momentarily, she closed her eyes and allowed her consciousness to drift, thinking particularly of her past. She had missed a lot of things. Things she may never have the chance to do again. Her lips formed a small sad smile and she choked back a sob. How, she wanted to just return to the past and start again. To live a new life. But, that will never happen. The past is the past and you can't changed it.
She realized she had changed drastically. Never did she smile. Never did she laugh. Never did she cry. The past is past and I won't repeat the same mistakes again, she thought bitterly. Slowly, she lifted her right hand and placed it atop her forehead. Biting roughly on her lower lip, she let out a frustrated growl.
I hate myself, her mind chanted over and over again. She hated what she had become. She was a monster, a devil. So merciless and cruel. Her insides churned as memories flew past her head. Abruptly, she sat up, growling menacingly at the darkness before her. She clenched her fist and punched the bed countless times.
One…
Two…
Three…
Four…
Five…
Her clenched fist stopped in midair, her chest heaving up and down as her lungs sought to replenish some oxygen in her system. Slowly, she lowered her hand and let her body lie in the softness of her bed. She stared blankly at the ceiling, momentarily closing her eyes as drowsiness overpowered her, a lone tear escaping her eye.
A monster…
hated
unwanted
unloved…
Her body shifted and turned as nightmares came to disturb her. Her mouth opened slightly, letting out a soft moan. Her body shivered furiously, her figure compressing similarly into a ball. She continued to thrash, turn and shift. Moments later, her eyes opened and she sat up.
I feel pain…
Clutching tightly on the thin fabric of clothing near her chest area, she felt the furious beating of her heart. Slowing closing her eyes, she tried to calm herself.
She slowly lifted up a shaking hand and lightly touched her right cheek. Her mouth emitted a small gasp as she stared and analyzed her fingers. They were covered with a certain watery substance. Tears.
I'm crying…
She bowed her head slightly and brought her knees close to her chest, hugging them tightly. Tears were now descending fast as if each tear drop were racing towards a finish line. Her shoulders were shaking uncontrollably as she sat there sobbing and crying.
For years, she never cried when nightmares would wake her up in the middle of the night. It was a routine. A habit. She would wake up and stare endlessly into the darkness before strutting into the bathroom to take a cold shower. It was always like that.
Until now…
She loosened her hug on her knees as her sobs died down into soft sniffles. Lifting her head, her eyes remained closed for a few seconds before opening to reveal red swollen orbs. She stared blankly into the darkness. She shuddered involuntarily as she remembered the nightmare. It seemed real. As if, it had happened again and that she was there to witness it.
She turned her head slightly to the left, as a thought crossed her mind. Her hand reached out to lift the object that was lying down her bedside table, making it stand. Her eyes stared at the picture as memories once again flashed through her mind. She missed them all. Their company. The missions. The memories they all shared.
Her eyes travelled to stare at her perverted sensei then at Naruto and then at him.
Sasuke…
The person she wanted so much to forget. A person who caused so much grief and suffering into her life.
Tears threatened once again to fall but she stopped herself. She never wanted to cry again. Because if she did, then it would make it twice in one night. And she would never allow that.
Heaving a sigh, she lied back down the bed and closed her eyes. She couldn't sleep. The prospect of having a nightmare again still lingers at the back of her mind. She shifted to the left and found herself staring once again at the picture.
No longer able to control herself, tears once again fell from her green orbs. Her body shivered furiously as she laid on her bed.
She was broken.
A/N: This is my first fic in Naruto…hope you all liked it! Please also give comments coz I'd appreciate that…thanks!
LittlePinkDevil
