It's odd, the way the elements can resemble someone. You can be an ocean, raging as it becomes more and more powerful, or being calm and reassuring as the waves themselves. When I meet a person, I usually classify them as an element. Earth, air, fire, water, it all tied into their personalities. Right now, as I look at my brother, I realize he is the ocean. A calm, nurturing being that can also be a raging, merciless storm. He reminds me of a story my mother used to tell me, of a man who loved his children very much and yet, protected with such a ferocious capability that his children grew scared of him. He dances by the fire, clasping the hand of our brother and sister. They laugh as he tries to show them the footwork of a dance that once was used to try to summon rain.
My siblings dance by the fire, perfectly at ease. I however am not. We were sent outside, away from the house so our parents could talk. I think back to my father's harsh voice as I try to argue that it was too late to go outside. He never yells, it was a surprise when he snapped at my siblings and I. My little sister, Kalina, started crying as my older brother, Kai, guided her outside, a hand on her back. I took the cue and guided my little brother, Kory, out to the boardwalk. My mother was crying hysterically and my father was embracing her, comforting her while tears ran down his cheeks. I firmly made sure Kory couldn't see, father never yelled, let alone cried. It was strange, seeing my parents like that. I had a huge knot in my stomach, knowing whatever happened wasn't good. Still, I fought through the tears of worry threatening to spill down my cheeks and swung my brother into my arms, much like I used to do. He was much heavier now, being 8 and all, but it brought a feeling of comfort to hold him on my hip like I did when he was 2.
"Kay, what's wrong?'" he asked, burying his head into my shoulder. I hesitated. "I don't know Kory. But we need to give mother and father some room." I told him, fighting to make my voice steady. He nodded, understanding and ran to join his twin dancing with her older brother. I sat down in the tall grass, comforted by the sound of the waves crashing against the shore and the smell of Candytuft. Now I lay here, alternating between watching my siblings and looking at the stars.
The stars are fascinating to me. People say they are just balls of gas floating in space. I suppose scientifically this is true but I believe it's more than that. People wish upon these stars. Every star someone in the world, maybe even thousands of years ago has wished upon. Innocent children wishing for a fantasy. Broken people wishing for a mended heart. So many wishes were made to these stars, all of them visible through the clear night. I remember my friend Dahlia telling me how her mother told a story about brighter stars being bright because they held the most dreams. If I could, I would find all of those wishes. See how many people were broken, greedy, or just plain full of joy. I know a few of those stars held my wishes. I decide to add another broken dream to the billions of dreams people have poured into the sky.
"Star light star bright the first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight." I whisper this quietly to myself, memories flooding my brain of days spent wishing on every dandelion, counting every 11:11 on the clock. As a child, I often wished not for fantasies, but for a better reality. I have always had amazing parents, it wasn't that, but bullies. Every day at school, they teased me. About my uncontrollable hair, about my heterochromia, anything they could find. Everyday was a living hell, until I got home.
Kai's soft voice brings me back to reality. "Come on Kalea, Mother and Father have something to tell us" I look up, expecting to see the frail, shy boy I had acquainted with my brother, but I find a tall, strong boy, offering me his hand. For a split second, I wonder why he isn't a little kid anymore but remember I had been gliding through memories before he spoke. I nod and accept his hand up. He frowns at me. "I know you are worried Kalea. I am not going to sugar coat it, we are more than likely in terrible danger. Do you want me to explain why I think they are so upset?" Kai's words seem to gently soothe me, taking me away from the worry I had left behind on that bed of grass. "Yes please" I tell him, taking longer strides to match his quick pace.
"Way before mother and father were born, the districts rebelled against the capitol. A war broke out between the capitol army and the districts. The capitol won and in punishment for the uprising, They destroyed district 13 and made each district send a male and female to fight to death in a thing called the hunger kids killed other kids until only one stood alone. That kid was called a victor. Mom and dad both were victors. So were aunt Katniss, Aunt Jo, and uncle Peeta. Aunt Katniss and Uncle Peeta helped district 13 and the rebels defeat the capitol and end the hunger games." Kai finished, disturbance written across his face. Mom and dad, the kindest people I know had to kill innocent kids? Why on earth did the capitol think it was ok to kill innocent kids? And most importantly, why do I know nothing of this?
I am aware of the sea breeze gently blowing my hair away from my face, the dying embers of the oceanside fire illuminating the air. Seemingly, I am aware of everything except for what my brother just told me. "So why do you think they are upset?" I ask cautiously, afraid my brother would snap at me for asking him something he didn't know the answer to. His jaw moves in an odd movement, until I realize he is grinding his teeth. This is something he picked up from dad, when he was worried, upset, angry, or any kind of emotion got to overwhelming. I worry I upset him until he speaks. "I fear the capitol has risen back to power. Maybe they are going to start forcing district 4 to provide fish for the capitol again." I can tell that was not what he was thinking at all but decide to leave it alone since I probably will end up making him angry.
We are entering our house in victor's village now. It is a large house, styled to be a capitol citizen residence. There were seriously 10 rooms we didn't need and had been turned into guest bedrooms. It is a capitol house, so it is complicated. We pass through three rooms to find our parents and siblings sitting around the counter. My mother is shaking so badly that I am afraid the chair she is sitting on might collapse. My father has an arm around her, shaking as well. I am alarmed to see the tear stains down his cheeks, never in a million years would I picture my father with tear stains down his cheeks. Kory sits in my mother's lap, sucking nervously on a lollipop. His eyes meet mine, and I know he wants me to explain what is going on. The only problem, I don't know what is going on. I look over to my father as he gestures for me to sit in the leather bar stool. It was the first time in years I had seen him look at my siblings and I without a smile. His eyes, identical to my right one, had a prominent sadness to them. It broke my heart to see my parents like this.
"We have something very important to tell you children" my mother speaks in her lofty voice, shaken by whatever the news is. I exchange a look with Kai, who had sat down on the bar stool across from me. I can see we both agree to be as calm as possible. Kalina looked up at my father. "What is it dad?" she asks, curiosity coating her small voice. She had always been the one to cover worry with curiosity. Unlike her twin who seemed to worry about everything. My father grits his teeth and takes a deep breath.
"President Paylor was assassinated today" he says quickly, squeezing his eyes shut. Shock racked through my body, bouncing like a pinball. I never met Paylor myself, my parents knew her though. She helped a lot of people in the bombing of district 8, from what I can understand, she was an amazing person. I also know how much she did for the districts. District 4 used to be horrible, public whippings all the time, forcing people to fish and swim, everything becoming polluted with trash and the air becoming polluted from the factories in district 8. Now it is filled with good spirits, laughing children and clean salt air. It is my favorite place in the world, even more than the clean air of district 12. The person responsible for making my childhood so much better than my parents is dead.
I see Kai grit his teeth. "So who is going to take her place then? Panem can't go without a president." he has a point. Without a president, the districts will turn on each other and a war will happen. I have a thought. I get Paylor was their friend but they act so distraught, I can't help but wonder what else is going on. Mom is shaking even more violently now, dad practically has a death grip on her. Mom looks up, fear and worry evident in her green eyes. "Beronica Snow. Coriolanus Snow's granddaughter." I of course have no idea who Coriolanus Snow is but I see fear and anger flashing in Kai's eyes. At the sound of the name, dad scowls and suddenly he looks scarier than the sharks who invaded the coastline a few years ago. Kory cowers back, scared he will yell again. I don't like how my brother and father reacted to my mother's statement so I get the nerve to ask. "Who is Coriolanus Snow?" my father and mother meet eyes, and ultimately decide something. Dad tenses. "He created the hunger games. And, his granddaughter unfortunately wants to follow in his footsteps." it takes me a minute to process what this means. When I finally figure out what this means, I bolt out the backdoor. I hear my mother and father call out my name in unison but I am gone.
I bolt through the victor's village. Our house is the only one occupied, all of the others look old and poorly taken care of. I pass the one a couple of houses over from our house, the one belonging to Mags. I never met her, but I have heard so many good stories about her. I am named after her in fact, my middle name is Mags. I find myself wondering if we would have been close, if we would have called her grandma Mags like Dahlia and Jasper called Haymitch Grandpa.
My thinking about Mags is interrupted when I find what I have been looking for. A large palm tree marks the end of the boulevard, marking the very spot where most of my memories with Dahlia were made. I realize I am crying as I reach to tuck a stray strand of curly blond hair away from my eyes. Shutting my eyes, I try to keep the salty tears from spilling down the side of my face. This only sends me into a state of sobs racking my body so hard I can't stand. Blindly, I desperately claw the bits of rock covering our spot away from the abandoned den. It was once a fox den, very rare for district 4. When Dahlia and I found it, the Vixen had already left with her pups. We dug it a little deeper and wider, finding that we could make it into a little house of some sort. When we were 5, we would have tea parties and such down there.
I climb down the narrow hole and fall, landing flat on my feet. The little room is about 6 foot tall, so being 5'9, I could fit, but not easily. I curl up against the wall and pull the quilt we put down here years ago around my shoulders. It smells of seawater, the perfume Dahlia wore, and dirt. The smell makes me yearn for my best friend. I know exactly what she would tell me. More than likely a story she heard from her mother, or Haymitch, maybe even her father. She always has a smile to give to everyone, a story on hand. I am now sobbing so hard I am in hysterics.
The hunger games, from what I can understand, were sadistic and twisted. Thousands of kids died for what? To please the capitol? Both of my parents had a small chance of winning. But both did, somehow. My father, I never thought he could kill someone, but seeing him just a few moments ago, looking scarier than a shark, I realize he could. And he probably was vicious. My mother however, we did not get along very well but I still could not picture her mousy little frame killing someone. I am sent into more hysterics when I realize that my parents, they could be monsters. Someone I completely don't know. My parents may be ruthless killers, not sweet Annie Cresta and funny Finnick Odair. I am on the verge of hyperventilating when I feel an arm around me. It was comforting and familiar, smelling exactly like cologne and seawater. I lean into it, glad to have my brother with me. He nuzzles his nose into my hair.
"You never fail to amaze me" he tells me, smiling against my hair. "Why?" I ask. Really, I have no idea why. I am a weird, socially awkward girl, with wacky hair and rare eyes. No one special. "How do you do it? Get lost in daydreams and memories. Not care what people think. Honestly? I think you are the most incredible person I have ever met." Kai finishes, the wonder not leaving his face as I turn to look at him. Did he really just compliment me? We have always been close, aside from when we were little. But he almost never let his emotions show. Especially not to me or our parents. I think he is scared we will call him soft or weak. I choose not to respond to his comment. "I'm sorry I ran out. I don't think I could have taken it anymore." I tell him truthfully. If I had stayed, I think I might have had an anxiety attack. Between my mother looking so helpless and horrified and my father looking so angry his face was almost foreign, it was to much. Kai nods. "At least you took it well. After you left, Kalina asked what the hunger games were and mom lost it. Kory and Kalina were scared to the point of Kory vomiting. Dad was shaking and started having some sort of mental breakdown. I ran the twins upstairs and put them to bed making sure they knew not to go downstairs. When I went through the kitchen on my way out, dad was still having his breakdown and mom was halfway to having one of hers. Truth be told, I actually ran to find you because I couldn't bare to see them like that you know? I feel really guilty but I probably would have joined them if I hadn't ran to find you. So thank you for running off Kay" Kai finished his story with a wry smile on his face. Horror filled me at the description of my whole family going into hysterics. I choose to tell my brother exactly why I ran off.
"Kai I think the hunger games are going to happen again. The way mom and dad reacted so strongly, I am sure of it. Plus, when Kalina asked, they more than likely reacted like that because they were thinking about how she might have to go into the games they thought they ended." I feel Kai tense against me. "Well they should have known better." Confusion fills me. "Why?" I ask. Kai laughs bitterly. "Why because the games never end! And you can still light a fire with the ashes. Trust me, the capitol is going to rise to power and someone has to take it down. History is repeating itself Kalea. Prepare yourself." I look up, shocked that by brother can think this way. It's not bad thinking no, but a completely different angle I look at it. He has a point. If the capitol is going to rise, history will be repeating. Someone has to be the new mocking jay. Maybe even I could be part of the second rebellion bound to happen. I could be the instigator.
Wrapped up in my own daydreams of being the next Mocking jay, I am barely aware of Kai guiding me out of the old den and back down the boulevard toward Victor's village. Being the next mocking jay seems awesome but terrifying. I don't think I could pull it off, I am to much of a daydreamer. But I could be part of the rebellion. A soldier maybe.
I am suddenly aware I am in someone's arms. Immediately I place them as my father's. Strong and gentle, exactly how they were when I was 3. I can feel him loosen up as I hug him back. "I am so sorry I snapped earlier. And that I freaked out. You don't deserve that my sweet. I am so sorry." he croaks, sadness is in his tone, as well as shock, and normalcy. "It's ok dad." I forgive him. Dad pats my back and lets go, stepping over to embrace Kai. I don't know what he says. Trying to hear was difficult since I could hear my mother trying to soothe my little siblings. Dad grits his teeth as he looks in the direction of Kalina's room. It was not an angry gesture, but one of worry. He looks back to Kai and I, looking us both over with his eyes identical to my right one. "When you wake up tomorrow, we will not be here." he blurts after about a minute of inspecting us. I feel the color draining from my face. Where would he be? Looking at Kai, I can tell he is thinking the same thing I am. "Why will you not be here?" Kai, asks, his voice fighting to stay steady. Dad sighs. "We have business to meet Aunt Johanna, Aunt Katniss, and Uncle Peeta in the capitol to discuss the issue. Expect Dahlia, Jasper, Olympia, and Fox here at 1:00 p.m. Please take care of your siblings. I love you two, I hope you know this. Now go to bed before your mom realizes I told you all this." dad's signature grin is now on his face. Relief floods me that he at least is ok. And taking care of my siblings is something I do on a regular basis. Just because I like taking care of things. I am wrapped in my own mind again, excited about tomorrow when I hear Kai tell dad that he will take care of Kory and Kalina. Dad is talking to Kai about something when I head upstairs toward my room. I grin as I remember randomly the time Kai and I attempted to teach Jasper Mellark to fish. Man, memories are a precious thing.
