I still wish that I had that chance that he did, when he took you away for me. It took a lot for me to fake a smile and just pretend that I never loved you. When truly I did and still do. I know we did not get along in the past but I have change for the better but that does not matter because you will never be mine. You choose him over me. I don't know how much long I can go on pretending that I am just you friend. We have been kinda friend since forever but this year was the first time we were every really friends. I guess this is what you call being in the friend zone. I can still wish that it were me that was with you instead of him because you're mine but that not the way it played out. This is like writing down all the feeling I have for you and tearing the peace of paper up. I still wish this pain would go away.

We all see that world different but the way I see is by the fact that I can never have what mine because you love him and I am just that guy that you are friends with. He hurts you and you come crying to me. I tell you to leave that asshole and you say that he won't do it again but then he does and it starts all over again. We can be more but you don't see it. This sounds like a sappy love letter or a stupid love song, know one really care for but its not its a story of a guy who will never have what is his to have. I feel stupid half the time and Hurt the rest of it for.

You know that I would do anything to see you smile but you could care less that I would. It like writing a note or a story that know one will ever read but I still do it to get you off of my mind but that does not work. I have not found a thing that will get you off of my mind. It like living but not really living. I am just going through the motions of life. I am like a robot with no brain. At one time I thought I hated you but that all turned at to be a defense mechanism.

I guess I will never learn but I will always remember until the day I die. I will take my still wishes with me and always know this pain that I can not fix due to the fact that I can't have the one thing that is hurting me.

I still wish that one day you would see that I can be more than a friend but until then I will be a good friend and not say a word. I will keep my still wishing in my head. I have learned that if I hide it I will be better for everyone involved.

There are so many things that I could compare this too. Like I could say that it is like walking on broken glass or getting stung by bees, which I rather be going through that then having to deal with feelings. I digress with the things that it is like. I bet this has happened to you at some point but you don't want to remember but I bet it never was so bad that you wanted to kill yourself so you don't have to see it or feel it. I normally would not want to think about killing myself over someone like you but I guess I really have change since the last time we saw each other.

I still wish and that is what I will do until my last breath or if you change your mind on whom you want But I will be dead before that. Don't feel bad when you read this because It not your fault. I just could not go on any longer without the thing that is mine.

By the time you read this it is too late or just in time.

This is not the way that I wanted my life to end but it did and I don't blame you for it. It been 27 years since the last time I saw you and you abusive asshole of a husband, who tried to kill me, multiply fucking times but I guess he is happy now that I am gone.

This is my farewell. I hope life treats you well. We will meet again someday my old friend. Goodbye Kyle

P.S you a stupid Jew who never cared…