I babbled. It isn't that great. But try reading anyways?

Summary: For them, death came because of him. Well, him and the 'greater good'.
Disclaimer: I pout, I sulk, I bake cookies but still, they refuse to let me own the rights to Kingdom Hearts.


I killed him.

I know a lot of people- by people I mean Sora, and maybe his friends too, if he told them the story- will tell you he killed himself. Sacrificed himself so we could live. So I could live. You know, a righteous martyr.

Because that suits him, of course. The guy who travelled across worlds, destroyed a few dozen of them, killed the others who were supposed to be on the same side as him? A martyr? Don't make me laugh. Axel was looking out for number one, not the greater good or something stupid. In the beginning, he was following orders and occasionally breaking them for his own benefit, not anyone else's. Always looking out for number one.

And that's why it's my fault he's dead. I'm the one who made him stop taking care of himself. Unless he was always lying, or my ego is taking hold, I took that first place spot and that's why he died. So I killed him essentially.

Sora, my Somebody, my loving, heart bearing, affectionate Somebody, could never understand. His friends have hearts and dreams and something beyond the here and now. They don't just live for today but for tomorrow and for the future in general. Dying for the chance to see someone was foolish for them. There was always another way. Gambling when you knew you'd lose wasn't how life worked for them.

My redhead though, fiery and absorbed only in the present, did it all the time. He got some munny and he'd play poker with Luxord. Luxord, of all people, who could shuffle the odds in his favour all the time. A guaranteed loss, everytime.

That's how our last meeting was. Axel knew he'd lost, again. I already had a heart, which we both knew I couldn't give up to go on a mission for his. It was selfish, and foolish, but if you'd seen DiZ all covered and angry, you'd choose the easy way out too.

So Axel, my stupid, hot headed Axel, goes charging off for one last stand and dies. Of all the things he could do. He couldn't leave and find his heart could he? No, he runs in, knight in shining armour minus the armour and gets himself killed. Because of me.

Because I thought having a heart and a past mattered. I had to go find out who I was. Being Roxas wasn't good enough. Axel wasn't good enough. No. I had to run off for a heart, so I could feel. So I could be miserable as the people I'd been friends with, or close to, died. So that when Axel made that last gamble, I felt it, and knew what I was feeling wouldn't go away.

I killed him. I killed all of them ,in a way. The only people who knew me. Not Sora. Just because we're the same heart and body, doesn't make us the same. Kairi only sees Sora, because she never knew me. Riku sees, and pretends he doesn't. It hurts less that way, I guess. Sora, looking in a mirror sees, but doesn't know. He looks at his hands and sees fingers, a palm, maybe some dirt.

All I see is blood. Blood and darkness. I see me. And him. And a murderer, because I'm the one who killed the people who mattered to me, and for what? This? Killing him- the one that made me feel whole, instead of a vessel- it isn't worth this. Murderers don't deserve hearts. And that…that's me.

I killed him and I'm sorry. No matter what Sora says otherwise, about noble sacrifices and friendship, I killed the person I loved. No greater good can erase that, can it?