Peeta's Pastry Puns
A/N- Alright, are you guys ready for another epic romance comedy? Well, I hope so, because I've been plotting this for quite a while, and I still haven't decided if this will be a one-shot or not…I'll leave that up to you guys. In the meantime…enjoy
Rated M for perverted pastry puns XD
Katniss
Today, I decided to help Peeta out at the bakery and leave the kids with Haymitch. Bad decision, I know, but they insisted. They call him "Grandpa Haymitch." Ha! As if! Haymitch complains about it sometimes, claiming that he's not that old, (even though he is) but I know he loves it, and besides, how bad could it be? Or so I thought.
When I arrived at the bakery, Peeta was busy placing my favorite cheese buns in the oven. He was bending over, and I decided to sneak in quietly so I could catch him by surprise. He worked so hard, and the bakery was so hot, and I just wanted to help him out by at least cheering him up a little bit.
I smiled. "Nice buns, Peeta." I commented politely.
He jumped, spinning around in surprise. He saw me and grinned. "Why, thank you, I work them out quite a bit." He explained.
I blushed. "I was talking about the cheese buns, Peeta!" I exclaimed bashfully. Why did he have to make everything sound so perverse? I obviously walked in on that one all by myself, but still.
"Oh come on, Katniss, last night you said that I had the firmest, sweetest buns in all of Panem and that you couldn't resist them, remember?" he said teasingly.
"I most certainly do not remember saying such a thing!" I answered in defense.
"Oh that's right…you were talking in your sleep," he mumbled to himself.
"Well, if I was, they were probably not the type of buns you were thinking about," I lied. Now I remember. Curse my sleep-talk. How dare he bring up the things I said in my sleep?
Peeta
Now I had her. She was lying, I could tell. Katniss couldn't lie even if her life depended on it, and this I knew for a fact.
"Oh, of course, you must have been hungry for my famous cheese buns. Worry not, sweetheart, I have some baking for you in the oven right here," I said pointing at it. "But you know what's even hotter than my cheese buns? My bosco stick." I said proudly.
"Peeta!" Katniss exclaimed, her face bright red.
I love it when she screams my name. "Come here, I'll turn you into a real girl on fire," I said seductively. "You said it yourself: men who ice cakes are sexy," I added, pulling another line that she had said last night.
"Peeta, I'm serious, I came here to help you work, not to do it in the bakery like we did that one time…" she said trailing off, deciding not to go into details about the one and only past time we had made love in the bakery.
"Oh, I remember that night. It was the day I baked Oreos. I told you to come to the dark side because I made cookies, and you instantly gave in. I came up with a new line, though: fire and bread? We're toast!" I said.
Katniss rolled her eyes. "Peeta, you have the worst jokes in all of Panem. Honestly, they're terribly corny. I can't believe you think they're a turn on," she replied.
"Oh, I know they're turn-on…well, for me at least. Deep down, you love them and you know it, and that's why you say all those dirty things in your sleep. Anyways, I'm pretty much done baking here. Bosco stick here is ready to bake in a real oven," I said suggestively.
Katniss
I couldn't believe it. Could my husband be any hornier? He doesn't even try to hide it….literally. I tried to look away. I knew he was excited, and that he deserved a break after all that hard work (I could see the sweat on his brow) but last time I gave in to him in the bakery was the day we conceived our son, Orion, and I didn't want another child. Not that he was an accident or anything; I had already told Peeta that we could have another baby, but I didn't think he'd want to get started on it right away. The same thing happened with our first child, Adara; only she was conceived on the porch…but that's another story. The point is that Peeta only gets this excited when he wants a baby, and I had already said no more; pregnancies were tough on me and he knew it.
"Peeta, if this is your way of convincing me to have another baby, let me just say that you're wasting your time, I already gave you two children and that's enough for me," I said.
Peeta frowned. "Of course that's not it, Katniss. We already agreed that we were done having kids, and I don't want you to suffer anymore." Then he grinned and took something out of his pocket. "See this? It's a new brand of condom called Baker's Fire. I think they were thinking of us when they made it. So I figured we could have some fun with it, you know? What do you say we give it a shot?" he asked, winking at me.
Oh, Peeta. I could never say no to him, and he knew it. "Well, if we're using protection, I don't see why not." I said, giving in again.
I didn't have to say so twice. Before I knew it, Peeta had backed me up against the counter and we were kissing passionately as he pressed against me. His hands began to roam my body and I pulled off his sweaty shirt as I caressed his hot skin beneath it. He groaned and my knees buckled, pulling us down on the floor, which was full of flour. I was now on top of him, but he soon flipped us over so that he was above me. I looked at him and laughed. He was covered in flour. He laughed at me as well, and then continued to kiss me.
I love how Peeta makes love to me. He may make awfully corny (and dirty) jokes sometimes, but he's a serious lover. His sweet, gentle touches were even better than his tender kisses. It was all going good and great until he pulled out that condom. I wasn't sure what it did, or why it was called what it was called, but I soon found out.
Peeta
Well, Katniss definitely loved the new condom. I wasn't kidding when I told her I would turn her on fire. Well, not literally, of course, but pretty close.
"Oh Peeta, put more cheese in it!" she exclaimed.
A ding sound went off. The cheese buns were ready. But before I could consider getting up and getting them out of the oven, I heard the door open and footsteps walk in.
Katniss and I looked at each other in horror. Who could it be this late? Haymitch, we both mouthed at the same time.
Sure enough, we soon heard his gruff voice say: "You two better not be screwing in the bakery again, I have the kids with me. I decided to bring them back since it's getting late and they're driving me nuts."
I instantly got up and zipped up my pants. My shirt was nowhere to be found. Katniss was trying to put herself back together before the kids went around the counter and noticed. But Haymitch instantly figured out what we had been up to, he wasn't an idiot, after all.
He took one look at us and glared. "You two sicken me," he said drunkenly. "Here I am babysitting your kids, just so you two could play with flour and icing in the bakery? Couldn't you have saved it for later?"
"Mommy, what are you doing?" Adara asked curiously before any of them could respond.
"Uh, just baking, honey," said Katniss as she tried to dust off the flour on her head.
"Why you both covered in flour?" she asked.
"We were baking Oreos," I responded quickly.
At that, Orion instantly perked up and started demanding cookies. I quickly got Oreos out from my emergency batch that I kept for situations such as this. Hopefully he wouldn't start asking questions too. I served him a cup of milk so he could dip his cookies in and gave some to Adara as well. That should keep them busy, I thought.
"Daddy, why were you playing with icing?" Adara suddenly asked.
Haymitch laughed. Katniss and I glared at him. "Oh, he was just kidding, honey." Katniss assured her.
Well, that much was true…to an extent. "You know, your mother almost caught on fire," I said casually as I took the cheese buns out of the oven. Katniss gave me the death glare.
"I bet she did," Haymitch smirked.
"What happened? Mommy, are you ok?" Adara asked, bless her innocent little heart. I almost felt bad for bringing it up.
"Oh yes, I put it out, don't worry," I said cheerfully. Katniss looked like she was going to shoot an arrow at me. Good thing she kept her bow in the forest.
"Oh, glad to hear that, are you sure didn't spend too much time in the oven?" Haymitch asked me.
"Yeah, I told Katniss that we were both toast, but she just didn't listen," I said, laughing at my own inside joke.
"Mommy, why are you all covered in cheese?" Adara persisted. Oh, no. How is she going to explain that one?
"Uh…it got out of control while we were baking cheese buns," Katniss said quickly.
Well, that much was true. That was partially my fault, though.
"Is that why you're breathing so heavy, Mommy? You and Daddy look all sweaty." Adara observed.
"Umm, yes, we were kneading dough for hours!" Katniss exclaimed as Haymitch held back laughter and I tried to contain my horror. Was it that obvious?
"But Mommy, you suck at kneading dough, you said so yourself," Adara said as she dunked her cookie inside her milk. Somehow, that brought perverted thoughts into my head.
"Suck is what she did," I said before I could stop myself.
Adara giggled, Haymitch laughed, and Katniss looked at me horrified. Oops. Did I say that out loud?
"Oh hey, who wants a cheese bun?" I asked.
"Don't even think about it," Katniss hissed as she walked angrily out of the bakery.
Well, that went well. I would get her later, though, I promised myself. And so I would.
A/N- Well that was it! What did you guys think? Please review and let me know if I should continue or leave it as a one-shot! Thanks!
Peeta
(Singing in the shower)
"My buns, my hot and soft buns, my lovely manly lumps…"
"Don't cha wish your breadsticks were as long as mine? Don't cha wish your buns were as hot as mine? Don't cha? "
(Katniss gets in with him)
"Oh, spending all your flour on me, and spending cheese on me…"
