I do not own these characters

Never go near bella when you haven't hunted in a while

Don't call jasper emo

Never call Edward "Eddie"

Rosalie is not vain she just owns a lot of mirrors

Esme can kick your ass

Carlisle is not a god he is the god

Alice is not short only fun sized

Do not prank call the volturi

Or provoke them

In the first place why would you do that