Zack: Hello, this is me, Zack…I'm uh…thinking…

Sephiroth: Yes, unbelievably…he does that sometimes…

Zack: Not done yet! I was thinking about doing a talk show!

Cloud: About what? What is there really left talk about? There's no current Final Fantasy VII going on now!

Zack: You know absolutely what there is left to talk about! Nothing! And that's what the show's gonna be all about!

Cloud and Sephiroth: Nothing?!

Zack: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Like that, like that!

Cloud: …Okay…


Later that week…

Zack: Geez, how the heck do you turn on this camera?

(Whispers)

Zack: What? It's on?

(Whispers/ camera flips up to see Zack's face…with a very, very shaky picture and very, very close)

Zack: Oh. Anyway…okay, it's the first day of the show, I've named it Untitled. Great, isn't it? So…I'm the host…the assistant director…the vice camera dude…and the doughnut boy! Who's the director, the real camera person, the producer, and the person that sends me to get everyone's food? Yes, it's ChocoboHead!

ChocoboHead: …

Zack: Not much of a talker, eh?

ChocoboHead: Leave me out of this.

Cloud: Name stealer!

Zack: Can ya at least have a change of view occasionally?

(nods)

Zack: Now I have to find more staff, right?

Sephiroth: Yes Zack.

Zack: Where did you even come from?!


"So here's the set!" Zack exclaimed, running center stage only promptly to slip and fall on his face when he got there… "And here's my beautiful co-host…" He said, crawling up and putting his arm around Aerith as she skipped past him.

"I can't Zack," she said with a reluctant smile as she inched from under his arm. "I have my own segment!" She grinned, "Why don't you ask Tifa?"

Unfortunately, for Tifa she was walking past Zack at the wrong moment…

"And here's my beautiful co-host…" He said with a smirk as he put his arm around Tifa.

"Not gonna happen."

Craaaaack.

"THAT WAS MY HAND!" Zack yelled, wincing.

Tifa rolled her eyes. "I'm the announcer for sponsors!" she snickered.

"Try someone else," she suggested, pointing to Cissnei.

He sighed, "…and here's my beautif—," before he even had his arm out, she's already said her answer.

"Can't. Why not Elena?"

three seconds later…

"Oh hell no…" she said with a thumbs down.

Zack just tried one more time. He heard light footsteps coming down the hall…

He shut his eyes and yelled, "and here's my beautiful co-host…" he opened his eyes, "crap, scratch that…here's my co-host…Sephiroth..."

"Oh no…you just said enough then to make at least thirty fangirls scream…Did you get that on camera, Cloud?"

"You bet!"

"Guys…" Zack groaned.


Show time…

"Hiya, this is my new live television show: Untitled! And this is my co-host…Sephiroth." He said in a chipper voice but frowning from today's…earlier incident. "Anyway, it's a show about nothing! No, don't change the channel…nothing is sometimes entertaining…To prove that, I'll cut right to our first segment: Aer Cam."

"Wait, don't I get to say anything?" Sephiroth mumbled to Zack through an obviously fake smile. He wasn't exactly the happiest to be here…

"Not this time…" Zack muttered, "I'll let you read the first fan mail questions…"

"Aer Cam?!" Zack yelled, noticing that the cameras were still pointing his way…


"Earlier today, I was assigned the job of sneaking around with a camera to see what I can get on everybody…" Aerith started, pulling a remote our of her pocket. "Now to prove that 'Nothing-is-Cool' here's a clip of Zack and Cloud…"

The scene faded into a scene from earlier today backstage. Zack and Cloud stood facing each other yelling one specific word…

"Cow!"

"Cow."

"Cow!"

"Cow!"

"Cow?"

"Cow."

"Cow! Cow! Cow! Cow! Cow! Cow! Cow! Cow!"

The scene faded back to Aerith, "Okay…Zack went nuts…Anyway, that was a moment…with Zack and Cloud…Here's one with some Turk fun!"

The scene faded into a sitting room where everyone was silent except for Reno—who was snoring loudly while sleeping on the only couch in there. The two girls in the corner were hovering quietly over "the body."

The camera zoomed in to see Elena and Cissnei. Then it panned down to Elena's hand; she had eyeliner.

"Do it, Elena!" Cissnei encouraged in a loud whisper.

"I can't!"

"Well then I'll do it!" Cissnei hissed, snatching the eyeliner. Camera zooms in on Reno's face while Cissnei begins her "masterpiece."

The scene fades back to Aerith. "So, Reno hasn't woken up yet…so I'll videotape that later. We'll also find out next time what happens when you give Reno scissors...Now for an evil dude convention…"

Scene fades to Sephiroth, Genesis, and Hojo.

"So…why do we have wings?" Genesis asked Hojo, lifting an eyebrow. The trio of evil dudes were sitting in a kitchen trying not to bump shoulders.

"Hee, hee, because it looks cool."

"Why doesn't our hair defy gravity like everyone else's?" Sephiroth questioned.

"Tee, hee…because gravity defying hair is given only to heroes."

"So why do you laugh like that?"

"Ah-ha…um…I dunno."

Scene fades back to Aerith. "Uh…I'll tell you how that turns out later…Anyway, I'll turn this over to Zack so he can…I guess…introduce the next thing."

Zack: Well, I have to hand this over to Tifa so she can do the sponsor thingy…without those guys…well…there'd be no show without commercials…right?


(Scene cuts to Tifa)

Tifa: Are you tired of your boring cereal? Do you think you deserve to eat a better cereal? One that's endorsed by a hero? Well…we don't have one…but we do have Cloud…So eat Chocobo Flakes! The only cereal out there that looks like Cloud!

Sephiroth: Okay…that was…bad…It sounds like dandruff or something…Our next sponsor is:

(Scene cuts to Cloud)

Cloud: So you wanna be a hero huh? You already know that you have to be brave, have a strong heart, and be loyal to your cause…but did you know that you have to have gravity defying hair too? Well, you should use the hair gel that I use for every mission

(Cloud is shoved out of the scene by our "other" hero…yes…him.)

Zack: This one right here! (Zack whips out giant bottle of hair gel ) Remember kids, if your hair isn't sharp enough to run someone through, you are obviously not yet a hero.


(Zack's back to where he was originally)

Sephiroth: Uh…where'd you come from?

Zack: There.

Sephiroth: Okay, so now we're going to answer fan mail. Zack, will you get the computer?

Zack: I already have it!

Sephiroth: Okay…first letter is for Zack.

Zack: Okay! One for me!

Sephiroth: Zack, I was playing Crisis Core the other day and I saw a Genesis clone rip you off your motorcycle by your hair…I was wondering, were you and that clone dating or are you just friends?

Zack: Uh…that's a strange one…Um…I'm in no relationship with any of the clones…I hate to burst your bubble or anything, but I'm kinda dating Aerith at the moment…so yeah…Genesis and I…we're mortal enemies…regardless of the game or not. Therefore, I don't see this "paring" in the near future…

Sephiroth: Next?

Zack: Yup. This one's for you Sephiroth…Actually, it's for Sephy-kuns…but I still think that means you…anyway, it says: Sephy-kuns can I braid your hair?

Sephiroth: No.

Zack: Well, since these questions are uncomfortable, this is our first show, and there are only questions left by fangirls who wait at our doorsteps…we don't have that much content so we'd appreciate an audience to watch our little show so please, tune in next time for another great episode of Untitled!


Okay, this is where you guys come in!

'Untitled!' needs people to ask questions for anyone in Final Fantasy VII (and I mean anyone, Zack, Cloud, Sephiroth, Aerith (or Aeris if you prefer), Cissnei, Vincent, Yuffie, Tifa, Angeal, Genesis (etc.) and make them as strange as possible, okay? Just send a review and in it I want you to first say who this question is going to and then your question (if you want to include your name go ahead, but you don't have to.) (Remember, I just need these as suggestions, I can't obviously use all of these! Or else Zack would get tired.) I own none of the main characters or else i would've made Loz type this...