AN: Hello everyone! This is my first fanfic and obviously I'm not a native speaker, so I do appreciate reviews and corrections.
Note to the medical stuff: I've got a little experience with that topic and tried to be as accurate I could. I don't invent details, they are all based on meticulous research. But my advice is: Get serious medical information only from M.D.s.

Thank you!

AN 2019: Well hello again. After almost 6 years with this story, I never ever will abdandon until it's finished, I startet to revise the older chapters. My language improved over the years and my knowldge about the story as well, so you may take advantage of that. Every revised chapter I will mark as flollows: Revised2019


The morning sun hit Taras eye lids. She groaned and stretched her arms before she turned to her right, only to find Jaxs side of the bed empty. Confused she opened her eyes. He hadn't even hit the pillow. Where he was supposed to be last night? Church. Yeah, she got it. The meeting must've had developed into a carousal. Tara crawled out of the sheets. There was a familiar sound – no sounds – from the nursery. Abel was singing, awkwardly loud for 07:00 a.m. and Thomas was crying, the hunger type. Still a little sleepy she squinted at her reflection in the mirror and prepared herself for the all day business.

•••••••••

Hours – which felt like years – later Tara and her little boys arrived at the garage. It was quiet. Very quiet. Till Abel started squeaking. She moved into the direction her sons fully attention belonged to. Gemma just had got out of the office, a smoking cigarette in her hand.

»Oh sweety!« she welcomed her grandson and closed him into her arms.

»Hi Gem« Tara smiled and pushed Thomas a little upwards her hip. He was getting heavier day to day.

»Are you looking for Jax?«

»Yeah, right. Woke up next to thin air.«

»Me too« Gemma replied compassionately and aggressively at the same time and nodded towards the clubhouse. »Let's take a look at the disaster.«

As they approached the door, it opened apparently by itself, but a second later a very weird-looking Bobby scuffled into the sun. He was wearing his Elvis wig and slight traces of permanent marker covered his face.

»Oh, what the hell have ya been doing in there?« Gemma moaned and passed Bobby in a delicate distance.

»Uh, um we … actually I don't remember. But it must have been good« he smirked. Tara cocked her head and watched the old biker.

»Are you able to handle the two while I look after my drunken worse half?« she asked him and petted Thomas fair-haired head. Bobby nodded confident and stretched his hands to take the baby from his mother's side. Thomas remained quiet and Tara felt cleared to slip in to the hell hole. In there it was dark and smelling. Juice had bedded his head in a puddle of vomit on the counter and was blissfully asleep. Ranting from one of the back rooms assured her, that Gemma had found Clay and on her way Tara almost collided with a completely tousled Chibs. He had been looking younger yesterday morning.

»Hey Tara« he whispered with his scottish accent.

»Have you seen … «

»Jackie boy? Back garage. He's pretty out of it. You may should get him home.«

»Uh, what happened?«

»Don't know. Was kind a wild night, but you better ask him. I don't remember to see him drinking that lot.«

»You mean in relation to a normal human being or to the rest of the club?« Tara interrogated.

»Today I would go with the first« Chibs grinned and continued his way. Tara ran her fingers through her hair and followed the tight corridors to the back rooms. On her way she found Clay and Gemma – not ranting anymore – instead kissing and whispering. Silently she got to the garage. Jax was sitting on the floor and stared up to her.

»Look a little hung over« she stated.

»Sorry, that I didn't make it home« he excused sounding someway broken. Tara frowned and kneeled down to him.

»You're sober« she asserted surprised.

»I am. I have to.«

»How much did you drink?«

»Not more like three or four beer.«

»So, why didn't you make it home?«

»I was … erm … tired« he obviously wondered about his own reply. »I still feel like I'm unable to get up on my own feet.«

Tara took a deep breath, keeping her head clear but worry closed her fist around her heart. Jax ever had been a spark of life. He had been fine after returning from prision two days ago, when he proposed to her, when he danced at Opies wedding with her, when he kissed her godbye to attend Church the evening before. Of course he'd got tired from time to time, like they all did, but just due to the lack of sleep, way too much drinks or a whole day on the bike. The kind of fatigue he showed at this very moment was new to her. In the past he always had found the energy to lift him up on his feet and get home. Always. But things had changed. The countless months he'd spent in Stockton had left their marks on his body and craved deeply into the architecture of her soul. For a moment she was back there. A motionless voice telling her what had happened to Jax in a dark hallway of the penitentiary. She'd been so helpless. But today was different. Like a reflex her medical training snapped into action. She couldn't help it. Especially not considering the close call he'd survived 13 months ago and certainly not his family history. Gently she caressed his cheek and slid her hand down to his neck checking his pulse inconspicuously. It was way to fast. Her own heart skipped a beat but she tried her best to conceal every hint of her reaction.

»Do you think you can get on your feet with my help?«

»Let's give it a try« he nodded and crawled onto his knees. He wasn't a light lift Tara noticed, but managed to support him as long as he pushed his back against the wall. For a moment she thought, it could work. Yet once he was upright, Jax gave Tara a desperate look and collapsed coughing on the floor.