I've been wanting to make an R27 fanfiction for a pretty long time. So I came up with this~
It's going to feature a pining!Tsuna. And a pining!Reborn, too, later. It has been sitting in my laptop for ages so...
Summary: Tsuna is a self sacrificial Decimo giving sought after love advice to his family despite his own complete failure of a (non-existent) love life. Or where Tsuna is a simple man with simple needs who realises that he's in love with Reborn and then proceeds to freak the fuck out. And Reborn is in denial about his own jealousy, because he claims to be above all that. R27. Post manga.
It's gonna start off with Tsuna as 21 and Reborn as 19, and then slowly, as the story progresses, Tsuna will become 24 and Reborn 27.
The thing is, Tsuna was a very simple man.
Yeah, he was the leader of the Vongola and everything and, thus, consequently pretty much controlled the entire world, but, in the end, Tsuna was just a very simple twenty one year old man. He had simple tastes and simple demands (like, 'Oh my god I hope we survive this' or 'I really hope nobody dies' or the answer to 'Ugh why me') and it was because he had simple tastes and simple demands, all it needed was for Reborn, de-cursed and resembling a nineteen year old (his last growth spurt had been two months ago), to smile at him for Tsuna to fall head over heels for his advisor (or realise that he'd been head over heels for him for a pretty long time, whatever).
Which. What.
Tsuna ducked his head, positive that his face was a flaming red. Reborn raised a cool eyebrow at that; not that Tsuna could see the hitman, of course, considering the fact that he, genius that he was, was hiding his head under the table of the café they were in; but because he knew Reborn, it wasn't difficult to predict Reborn's eyebrow-raise. Tsuna tried to calm his heart down. It felt like a galloping horse and wasn't that just mortifying?
He wasn't even sure why Reborn had smiled at him. He closed his eyes and covered his ears (noticing, with another wave of mortification, that they were burning) and tried to remember the reason behind that (absolutely breathtaking (but Tsuna was not going to focus on that)) smile. His mind drew a blank.
He looked back up at Reborn, who was sipping his black coffee whilst staring out of the window. Leon was on his fedora, nibbling a chocolate cookie Tsuna had bought for him, content with both the taste of the cookie and the warm ambience of the café. Tsuna stared at Reborn, at the man's broad shoulders and flawless skin, at his high cheekbones and those smokey dark eyes, full of mirth and amusement, danger and promise. He recalled how close they were, how close they had become after Tsuna had fulfilled Reborn's wish of uplifting the Curse and how comfortable Tsuna was around the hitman, even when the guy had a gun pressed against his temple (while explaining, rather cheerfully and in gorey details, what would happen to Tsuna if he didn't complete his paperwork).
The Neo Vongola Primo gave a mental sigh. Falling in love with Reborn. Seriously, how had he not predicted that?
'I'm really such an idiot.'
And the saddest part was that it took him not even a second to come to such a self deprecating conclusion.
"What's with the sigh?" Reborn asked without looking at him. He appeared to be mildly annoyed, "You single handedly brought down the entire mood of the café. Not how I like to spend my Monday mornings, Tsuna."
Resisting the urge to ask him how the fuck he knew that he had sighed, given that the sigh had not manifested itself physically, and then recalling that Reborn could read minds, Tsuna replied, "Just thinking."
"About?"
Tsuna made an uncomfortable grunt-like noise at that.
"Stuff. Just...stuff."
Reborn kept the coffee on the table, one hand resting lightly on the table, near the cup. His expression clearly implied, 'I can do this all day, Dame-Tsuna, but I won't since torture is faster'.
Tsuna 'eeeeep'd, gesticulating wildly, "No no, I was just thinking about what movie to get tonight. The girls said they wanted to watch a romantic one soooo..."
Reborn didn't even look anywhere near convinced; Tsuna didn't blame him since the lie was a really pathetic one. Reborn didn't press, though, which was a good thing. Not that Tsuna would have spilled the beans even if Reborn had pressed. It was at times like these that Tsuna rather appreciated his own stubborn streak- a streak that had begun developing after Reborn had barged into his life, guns and all.
The movie, it turned out, was nothing short of a disaster. Well, the movie wasn't; that was pretty good. Tsuna found himself to be pretty fond of it. They had managed to watched three-fourth of it without the destruction of anything, which, in itself, was a rarity.
All it took was one comment from Hayato regarding the male protagonist, which led to a semi-argument, semi-laughing and semi-shouting match between Mukuro, Hayato and Ryohei, until Kyoya (who had been sleeping and semi-watching (unsurprisingly, his Cloud wasn't a romantic-movie sort) the movie from a far off corner with a window) jumped in, ostensibly miffed at being ignored when a potential fight was lurking in the near future. This was followed by Ken hissing at Kyoya when the man insulted Mukuro a bit too far while baiting the Mist user with a sneer; Chrome joined in to keep a check on Ken (which involved looking at the blonde with a wide imploring eye; she knew that was his weakness) and then M.M. decided to enter the fray with Fran. Long story short, a lot of blood and violence ensued, followed by smoke curling out and up from people's ears (courtesy Lambo) and forceful consumption of poisonous burgers.
Tsuna let them. The pandemonium was oddly reassuring.
In the end, the only people who finished watching the movie dwindled down to Tsuna, Chikusa, Shouichi, Spanner and Reborn. And Haru and Kyoko, too, though they didn't count since they were busy making out with each other and giggling happily in one corner of the rather large sofa, oblivious to the raging fight behind them.
(Shouichi had given Spanner an evil eye when the blonde had subtly insinuated his desire to join the mini-war behind them.)
All in all, a normal movie night. At least it kept Tsuna just a little bit distracted from the warmth next to him.
Two days later, while Tsuna was watching videos about puppies playing with small children in his phone, a sudden realisation hit him:
'I'm in love with Reborn.'
And then the implication of that hit him, full force.
'Holy. Fucking. Shit. I love Reborn. I actually fell in love with Reborn.'
Of course, he'd realised this little fact before. But right now, here, in the privacy of his own office with no one to disturb him, with no buzz of café-going people to subconsciously affect his thinking process, with no physical manifestation of Reborn to prevent him from thinking without any (attractive) hindrances, that particular knowledge ensured that his emotional status would be equivalent to a train wreck and random volcano eruptions, accompanied by broken, bloody, mangled corpses. Or the aftermath of a city after his Guardians are given a free reign over it.
'Fuck,' Tsuna thought, trying and failing to calm himself down, 'fuck fuck fuck fuck.'
He felt light headed, hit with a sudden sense of surrealism. His tongue felt like sandpaper and it was getting difficult for him to breathe. He inhaled deeply. Shut his eyes. Breathed in again. Exhaled. In and out in and out. Tried to ignore the pain and the heaviness in his chest. And then realised that he was probably hyperventilating.
He was, wasn't he?
Tsuna clutched his table for support, nails digging into the smooth, wooden surface. The paperwork on his desk suddenly caught Flames, burning a bright, scalding orange as Tsuna tried to get a hold over his emotions. His mouth parted as he took in deep gulps of air, body shuddering, chest heaving with each breath. Through the haze and the pain, he tried to remember what such situations called for.
What was he supposed to do again? Breathe in through his mouth? Or was he supposed to keep his mouth closed and breathe in through his nose? Or was he not supposed to breathe at all? There was something about cupping, his mind supplied feebly and uselessly, and shit, thinking was making it worse for him.
The papers on his desk were burning though. It probably wasn't good for his mind to focus on that, given that all his hardwork (paperwork) had burnt to ashes. At least the desk was somewhat Flame resistant. Not by much, but enough to not end up turning into scattered ashes on the floor with the feeble Flame Tsuna had involuntarily lit on it. But what about his paperwork? He would have to do it again, wouldn't he? And Reborn would kill him and. Shit.
Speaking of, he was in love with his advisor. Fuck.
Tsuna hit his fist lightly against the desk. He couldn't muster up enough strength to make a satisfying loud thud.
"Tsunayoshi-kun?"
From his position on the floor, Tsuna recognised Mukuro's voice. He sounded perplexed, a little unsure, but mostly as if he had not wanted to see Tsuna in such a position and thus be obliged to help (because as much as Mukuro denied it, everybody knew he cared). Tsuna tried to make a vague gesture towards his male Mist, but couldn't pull it off very well.
Mukuro walked in quickly, kneeling beside Tsuna. He kept his report on the floor and conjured up a paper bag, shoving it in front of Tsuna's face almost roughly.
"Breathe into it," Mukuro told him when all Tsuna could do was stare at it and wonder what the fuck he was supposed to do with it.
Tsuna grabbed it and followed as instructed.
Mukuro began patting his back awkwardly. He didn't look like he wanted to do it, but he was doing it anyway. Mukuro wasn't the sort of person who took care of others or even liked to take care of others, so Tsuna, even in his blank state of mind, couldn't help but appreciate the gesture.
It took him nearly ten minutes to calm down. Mukuro stayed beside him, still petting his back; Tsuna sought comfort from the unexpected display.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Tsuna managed.
"You look pathetic."
"Thanks," Tsuna grumbled sarcastically.
Mukuro smirked and the paper bag disappeared in a swirl of Mist Flames.
"Thanks for that, though," Tsuna said genuinely, smiling, "I mean it."
"Of course. I wouldn't want my vessel to get spoiled now, would I?"
"You completely destroyed the moment, you know?"
"We were having a moment?" Mukuro asked with a raised eyebrow. He moved his palm to his chest and said dramatically, "Oh how I swoon."
Tsuna laughed, getting up from his position on the floor.
"You desk is on fire, by the way." Mukuro noted.
Tsuna glanced at it and gave a dismissive gesture towards it. The Sky Flames flickered out of existence as Tsuna bent down to grab Mukuro's report. It didn't, surprisingly, resemble a thesaurus.
"How many buildings did you destroy?"
"Three, this time. Along with a fountain. A record for me, isn't it?" He looked insufferably proud.
"Mukuro. You were supposed to catch one guy. He's not even a part of the Mafia. He literally can't even fight."
Mukuro raised a cool eyebrow, "Your point?"
"Ugh."
Mukuro smirked, "Thought so."
"Did you get him?"
"Yes. You have the report in your hands, don't you? Read the rest."
Tsuna glanced at it, walked up to the table and resolutely kept it there.
"I'll see it later," he determined, collapsing on his chair.
"Procrastination? How unsightly."
"Get off my back. I don't feel too good."
"I can see that. What's gotten into you?"
Tsuna gave a sudden, maniacal little laugh at that. And then continued laughing till his stomach hurt and tears were rolling down his cheeks (to the point that Mukuro was almost convinced that Tsuna was crying; Mukuro would get the fuck out of the office if that had been the case. He was not going to put himself through something which indicated, even remotely, that he cared).
What had gotten into him? He was in love with Reborn, that's what had fucking gotten into him. He was in love with Reborn, and he had stared at death right in the eyes and snarled at it and faced it head on with more equanimity than this. Yet, once feelings came into play, he'd began hyperventilating like a weakling. Honestly, Tsuna had no idea he was that emotionally fragile. It was so funny.
"Actually," Mukuro corrected once Tsuna had stopped laughing and was staring at the ceiling with this dazed look in his eyes which made him appear rather insane, "I don't think I want to know."
Mukuro disappeared with a little mocking bow. Tsuna did not try to hold him back.
Staring at the ceiling blankly, Tsuna wondered what he should do with this newfound revelation and then decided on:
'Tell my feelings to go and fuck itself, that's what.'
Tsuna was actually surprised how calmly he was taking all this. Okay, yeah, sure, the hyperventilating thing was pretty embarrassing and sometimes Mukuro would stare at him with this forced amused expression evidently trying to convince Tsuna that he rather liked seeing the Decimo suffer (Tsuna knew that his Mist was doing this to force Tsuna into believing that he didn't care about Tsuna's existence; Tsuna wondered when the man would give up trying to be apathetic), which was nice and familiar if anything, but still.
If Tsuna had to be honest, if he had to be really honest, he literally felt nothing. Well, he did feel something but it wasn't really...deep set. Three days passed in a surreal blur and Tsuna indolently went along with it. Takeshi and Ryohei's concerned expressions were something he acknowledged, but they weren't something he comprehended. He was aware that he was being weird, but everything just went past his senses. Like rushing scenery.
He wondered what it meant.
Psychological shock, his Intuition, that ever faithful thing, provided.
Tsuna ignored it.
(Suffering from a shock over something like this was a bit too pathetic, even for him.)
"I can do this," he muttered on the seventh day, "You've faced worse, Tsuna, you know you can do this. You've saved the world twice, Tsunayoshi, this is nothing compared to that."
Except it wasn't nothing. He knew it. He chose to look over it anyway.
"You've faced Byakuran. You've seen him tied to your desk wearing nothing but silk ribbons. You've walked in on Hayato and Takeshi having sex on your desk more than once. You've woken up to Mukuro's tentacle illusions a few times, too. You've been trained by Re-Reborn. You can do this."
"Dame-Tsuna, why in Primo's name are you talking to that?"
Tsuna yelped, fumbled with the post-Cursed Reborn-mask in his hand, tried to search for some place he could chuck it and then attempted slide the object under his bed. The flimsy plastic he'd bought from Mafia Land hit the bed's leg, two feet away from its intended position. He made a desperate leap for it, but Reborn defeated him to it, snatching it from the ground and inspecting it quizzically.
"You still have this?" Reborn asked.
Tsuna feigned a nonchalant shrug, "Um-you bought it for me."
Yeah, when Tsuna was sixteen. That was nearly five years ago. And yet, Tsuna was still clinging to that flimsy little thing like a child, even at the age of twenty one.
Tsuna hoped that it didn't mean that he'd been in love with Reborn at that age. Reborn must have been eleven, physically, at that point of time; Tsuna wasn't really enthusiastic to open an entirely new can of worms.
"That was nearly six years ago," Reborn mentioned, his voice a little soft, with an expression Tsuna tried to comprehend but couldn't.
"So?" Tsuna asked, feeling defensive, "There's nothing wrong with it, right?"
Reborn didn't reply. There was a little contemplative silence.
"You bought something for me with your own money for the first time in your life," Tsuna insisted, unsatisfied with how the entire conversation had an open ending, "That mask is to commemorate the moment. A memento, if you will."
Reborn's eyes narrowed, "Are you calling me a cheapskate, Tsuna?"
"No!" Tsuna denied immediately, ignoring the voice in his head that said, Well, you idiot, you dug your own grave. Now face the consequences.
"Really? Because that's not what I heard."
"You didn't understand what I meant!"
"Are you calling me dumb?"
"What?! No!"
"Your words imply otherwise."
"But I- you're doing this on purpose!"
"Doing what on purpose?" Reborn asked innocently as Leon morphed into a very familiar mallet.
"Hiiiiieee! Why me?!"
Reborn laughed, a deep, husky and wonderful sound. It warmed Tsuna; Reborn hardly laughed and the few times he did, Tsuna felt wonderful. Leon-mallet turned back to the familiar chameleon and Tsuna gave a relieved sigh.
"You get scared too easily. Aren't you a Mafia boss? Mafia bosses mustn't be so cowardly."
"It's how I've been conditioned. By you, for the record," Tsuna hissed out.
Reborn smirked, "I know. That was the entire point."
"Sadist," Tsuna stressed with a glare.
"Such high compliments," Reborn murmured, evidently flattered. He glanced back at the mask in his hand with a subtle frown that sent Tsuna's Intuition ringing.
Tsuna had to dig his nails into his arm to prevent himself from running away (while possibly screaming like a madman).
Reborn's voice was uncharacteristically soft, "Is that the only reason why you have this? Tsuna?"
Tsuna gave a tight lipped smile. Accompanied by a raised eyebrow. The perfect appearance of a slightly confused individual finding a question quite stupid, but appearing deceptively polite while doing so. He had learnt it from Kyoko, bless that woman.
"Of course. What other reasons can there be?"
"Mmm, nothing," Reborn murmured, but his frown deepened a little.
He handed the mask back to Tsuna, who took it and considered burning it the moment it came in contact with his skin. But that would be too suspicious wouldn't it? Slowly, he walked up to his cupboard, opened the double doors and kept it there.
Reborn snorted, "In your cupboard? Really? It's so cheap; nobody is even going to steal it."
"Cheap for you, maybe. With the sheer amount of money Vongola has to spend fixing the Mansion thanks to some really destructive people around- and I'm looking at you, too, by the way- I'm pretty sure we're going to go bankrupt in a few years."
Which was a lie. Tsuna was excellent with money, for all that he'd been terrible at math in middle school.
"Plus, the mask is pretty cute," Tsuna grinned with mirth in his eyes, "Kinda like you."
Reborn's eyebrow twitched.
"I'm not cute, you're cute," Reborn snapped back, annoyed, and Tsuna froze.
(Reborn froze, too, but Tsuna didn't notice that, busy staring at the taller man with impossibly wide eyes.)
Tsuna tried his best to stop himself from blushing. Did men usually call other men cute? They did, right? It didn't mean anything, right? Right?
Right.
Tsuna shook himself, reminding himself to not be unnecessarily hasty. Knowing Reborn, that probably had been a jab at Tsuna's masculinity.
"What are you doing here?" He asked instead, eager to shove Reborn calling him cute in one corner of his mind.
"Want to get dinner? It's Saturday."
"Wait-it is?" Tsuna asked in surprise, taking out his phone from his pocket and unlocking it.
It turned out that it was, indeed, a Saturday. Shit. For how many days had he been in a shock?
(Tsuna was disgruntled to know that he had already accepted his dazed state to be from his Intuition's faithfully provided answer.)
"Sure," Tsuna agreed, "but you're paying!"
Reborn rolled his eyes, "A Mafia boss should always be ready to spend for their family. It's tradition."
"You just made that up, didn't you?!"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
Tsuna huffed, displeased. Reborn's smirk was infuriating, but Tsuna wouldn't back down. As they bantered on their way out, Tsuna realised:
'This is almost like a date, isn't it?'
Mid-banter, while they were having their dinner at Antonio's, Tsuna murmured, distractedly and not really realising what he was saying until it had left his mouth and was for Reborn's ears:
"This is almost like a date, isn't it?"
Awkward silence.
Reborn stared.
Tsuna spent a few seconds cursing his stupid mouth and his stupid Intuition that, no doubt, had a pretty big role to play to lead to this.
"Ah but," Tsuna made a face, hoping that the feigned discomfort appeared credible enough, "that means we've been dating since I was thirteen and you were- what, one?" He feigned a laugh (and stopped himself from continuing laughing to hysterics because, fuck it, this was really awkward and what the hell was his stupid Intuition thinking). "And that would be really weird, wouldn't it? I mean, imagine us. Being like that. Pretty absurd, right?"
The alien in his brain shushed at him and begged him to not laugh like an idiot. Tsuna politely told it to fuck off and laughed liked an idiot. Once done fake-laughing, Tsuna looked at Reborn expectantly.
"No offense meant, Reborn."
"None taken. And besides, you're not really my type," Reborn finished (with a smirk, though it felt a bit off).
Tsuna felt a spike of irritation at that, but hid it behind a well meaning smile, and said, just in case Reborn got the wrong (right) idea, "You're not my type, either."
"...finish your dinner, Dame-Tsuna."
"Yep!" He replied, a little too cheerfully, before shoving the entire (rather large) pizza slice into his mouth with more gusto than necessary just so that his mouth wouldn't decide to run off on its own anymore.
If Tsuna hadn't been busy trying to choke himself with greeze and bread (while thinking idiot idiot what the fuck was that), he would have, perhaps, noticed how Reborn was frowning at his food with a touch of disappointment and pain in his eyes.
I hope I got Tsuna's personality right. Sometimes it gets a bit confusing and I'm always afraid that I'm going into OOC territory when Tsuna is concerned. I mean, canon represents Tsuna to be the "WHYYYYYYYY" or "My LIFE IS CRAZY WHY THE FUCK DO I LIVE IN IT" sort of a guy who, even though he is soft spoken, can get pretty sassy (and it's not really rare). But fanfictions often represent him to be the blush-y and unable-to-speak-for-himself sort of a person, which makes me backtrack and wonder where the fuck did I perceive the guy wrong.
But anyway, I hope you guys liked this! :D Please leave a review on your way out! I'd love to hear what you guys have to say about it. :)
