A/N: I know, I should probably finish my other Mello x Matt story before starting another
but this idea came to me, and I find the concept beautiful.

This is AU, if Mello had lived after Takada's kidnapping.

Things I Never Said

A Mello x Matt fan fiction

Mello POV

I forced my eyes open, partly blinded by the light. Everything was so white…I must have slept hard…very hard…wait...where was I…the hospital? My head was swimming; finally, my vision fixed itself after a few minutes, adjusting to the overly-white décor of my room. My chest felt like it was on fire…as did the rest of my body.

"So, you're finally awake." An all-too familiar voice sounded from across the room. If I were able to move, I'd wring his scrawny albino neck. "Earlier than expected." But, I couldn't bring myself to retort with a smartass remark…at least he came…unlike anyone else.

"Wh-at happened?" I managed to force out, my voice was barely a quiet rasp.

"They found you unresponsive in the building Takada set fire to, you got lucky, she killed herself before she had finished writing your name down." He replied. It all started to come back to me. The Kira case, the notebook, the kidnapping... It was all a vague memory. The night before was so clear, but all I remember about the day of the incident was the fire…suffocating while the heat came over me and the orange flames blocked my exit. Then, blackness.

"How long was I out?" it all seemed so surreal, maybe this was all a dream…no…it hurt too much to be a dream.

"About three weeks…" his eyes seemed to linger on the wall behind me, then they'd move to the bed sheets…what was he hiding?

"There's something else, isn't there. You haven't told me everything." I smirked. Near, you should know by now, you can't hide anything from me.

"Mello…Matt is dead." He said after a few moments.

"What?" No. No he couldn't be…Matt knew what he was doing, espionage was his specialty. He'd done more dangerous jobs than that before…

"He was gunned down, not long before the incident with Takada." He explained. The fire in my veins went away, replaced by an unknown feeling. It was as if my veins had turned to stone. Matt. My best friend in the world, my only friend in this world, was gone, and it was my fault.

"Mells, I dunno about this." Matt said, his eyes meeting Mello's blue ones. There was no doubt anymore, he was sincere. Matt never took his eyes off his DS unless it was dire.

"It'll be fine. It's an easy job; we've done harder stuff before." Mello insisted.

"Look. I know, but I just have a bad feeling about it, there's too much risk and not enough options if something goes wrong. This plan isn't gonna work Mello."

"Then don't fuck it up!" the blonde shot back, quickly losing his temper over the matter. He hated when people questioned his plans or his intelligence.

"Whoa man, calm down, we're just talking here." Matt replied, his gloved hands raising defensively.

"I thought you were there for me."

"Who said I wasn't?" Matt pulled his orange-tinted goggles down around his neck, letting his emerald eyes reveal the degree his sincerity. "Mells, I just…y'know what…fine. But when one or both of us ends up dead, don't be surprised."

Matt never wanted to partake in the kidnapping. He thought it wouldn't work. Regrettably, he was right, and yet he had laid down his life, just to prove his loyalty to me, as he had promised so many years ago.

That promise could no longer be fulfilled. Because of me, Matt is gone. Forever. My stubbornness and arrogance cost him his life. Had I not lost my goddamned temper, he wouldn't have felt the need to prove me wrong. He never would have gotten in that damned car. Had it happened that way, perhaps I'd be the one who ended up dead; but I'd gladly take his place in a heartbeat.

"All your fault" The words echoed through my mind, the mantra repeating with every beat of my racing heart; breathing became nearly impossible, it felt as if I was in that burning building all over again. Except, this time, the pain was stronger. Suddenly there was moisture; increasing amounts of it sliding down my face before falling into my hands.

For the first time since God knows when, I was crying.

Plagued by the ever-so-short chapters. Oh well, this is merely an intro, like setting the mood…

Thoughts? Opinions? Requests? Complaints? Smart Remarks? Jokes? Etc?

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