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Fellowship of the Runner

Chapter 1

A Normal Day

This is a very weird tale, even among Discworld standards. The world is on the back of Great A'Tuin, the Star Turtle. On His/Her/Its great back (There is much debate on this matter.), the slowly turning Discworld rests. In between the two stand the four great elephants. Many worlds begin their existence this way. They change when the inter-dimensional lawyers tell them that they are, in some obscure way, breaking one of the many sets of the Laws of Physics and Space-Time Continuum. However, this is not the case here. You see, the astral plane in question belonged to a secondhand set of dimensions and therefore was never meant to fly.

The inter-dimensional lawyers were unable to find them unlawful, whatever that means.

Ask your lawyer.

This IS the Discworld, after all.

Somewhere…

In the Jungles of Deepest, Darkest, and Weirdest Klatch (which is not based even loosely on Africa at all.), there was a man. There is, in legend, a great hero, one who has stood undefeated upon a thousand battlefields, and how has sacked a thousand temples belonging to evil demon-worshipping priests. (Don't look so surprised. This happens all the time.) He has undying bravery and unstoppable courage.

This man is not that man.

THIS man has done exactly the opposite of the aforementioned man. While the hero has stood and fought and won, this man has run in cowardly terror and, on a few notable occasions, has fallen into the fetal position and sucked his thumb with extreme vigor and tried to make himself as small and unnoticeable as possible.

We come to him a normal day of his life, that is to say, normal to him yet unusual to other, more civilized people such as those inhabiting the Disc.

The man was running away at his top speed with a horde of angry warriors behind him, shouting his nickname:

"DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY!"

The man they were chasing was indeed a sorry sight to behold. His robes were tattered and frayed, but mostly red, partially from the fabric, partially from blood(Not his. His suitcase makes sure of THAT.) His most predominate feature was his hat. It was cone-shaped, also red, with moon and star patterns emblazoned in gold. Hanging from the brim were several corks with the mystical phrase "Roo Beer" on them. But most importantly, at least from his perspective, was the word emblazoned in gold:

"WIZZARD"

Those who are familiar with this man should, at this point, assume the safety position of rolling on the floor and laughing with recognition. '

Now, this man was running so fast that he failed to notice the Amazonian warriors standing in front of him.

It just so happens that he slammed into the Head Priestess.

It also so happens that the Head Priestess had a wand that blasts people into random worlds.

You can guess, with Rincewind's luck, and with his reputation, what was about to happen.

The wand, with all the power it had, reacted fittingly by blasting the offending object. It is natural, with all of his luck, that the offending object was Rincewind.

The Wizzard was sucked into a portal or Super-Hyper-Interdimensional- Transporter or known better by it's unfortunate acronym. This acronym is the result of poor translation from a french company of Krappe France, like the Dynamic-Automatic-Machine-Nuker. We would just give the acronym, but the interdimensional lawyers have just arrived. (The company has a habit of giving items rather unfortunate acronyms when translated into a more normal dialect. That and the fact that the companies name is, when translated, Friendly United Congressmen of Krappe, or (We still can't say it.))

The Luggage arrived to a very weird scene (Not that it could comprehend this, being made of wood.)

The clearing was a mass of people standing around confused and listening to the Head Priestess curse out loudly: "WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS RINCEWIND? I NEED TO KNOW SO I CAN GUT HIM LIKE A SCALBIE*!"

The Luggage, hearing this (Which is still a matter of debate.), took action.


*A Scalbie is a type of seabird known for eating things that would make a vulture sick, apparently including vulture sick.