cwtch
(n.) a warm, affectionate hug, cuddle or snuggle that gives a feeling of a safe place or home
|Welsh|
He feels as though now that he can, sometimes he just needs, needs, needs to touch her. Feel her slight but strong body in his arms, feel her run her hands through his hair, feel her breath against his neck. Before, this was just wishful thinking, day-dreaming, wishing, maybe hoping but never more than that. Now that he has her actual approval, her permission so to speak, he can't seem to not touch her. To not take her hand in his, to not brush a strand of her hair away, to not blow warm air onto her ever so cold fingers.
Now, he feels as though he is responsible for the fact that she doesn't miss out on any human contact. Any touches that go beyond casual or friendship. He is pretty sure she doesn't get much of that nowadays. Sure, she has Ryan and Esposito and her Dad but who else is there besides him and his family? He wants, no, needs to make sure that she knows she is wanted, loved. His main goal in life is now to never let her question his feelings for her. To never screw this up. To be a better man for her.
And when she reciprocates his actions, when she melts into his embrace, when she lets her head rest on his shoulder, when her postures slouches down into relaxation, he knows he has achieved his goal for the day. And when she whispers sweet nothings into his ear, he can't help the goosebumps that arise up and down his entire body and he can feel her surprised grin against his skin. She is oh so aware of the effect she has on him. Always has been, always will be.
Whenever she presses a soft kiss against his pulse point, he is done for and a breathed "Love you" from her shoots up, straight to his heart, leaving more than mere goosebumps in its wake. He doesn't know how he got this lucky, why he deserved this. Doesn't know what to do with this... thing, that threatens to shatter if he makes a wrong move. And of course she is not without faults but if he is being honest to himself, he would probably be to blame if it didn't work out because he sometimes tends to not take things as seriously as he should.
But he made himself promise that he wouldn't destroy what is shiny and golden. That he won't be as stupid as he has been before when his relationships ended because he was being an idiot. No, not this time. This time he will put them first; everything else, no matter what or who that might be – apart from Alexis, of course, because, really, she's his daughter, his number one, forever and always –, comes next but she comes first now. Always first. He tells her that she will be his first concern from now on and there is a single tear that runs down her cheek and just the sight of it almost makes him come undone.
Then he makes room for her in his appartment. A single drawer here, a cupboard there. He places the mug she loves so much carefully on the top shelf and buys her favorite drinks. He also gets a new couch because she never liked that "old thing" and hey, if he thinks about it he could use a new one. He does all of that subtly so that she doesn't get overwhelmed by the lengths he will go to for her. But of course she notices, she isn't stupid; she's a detective, for god's sake. When she asks him about it, he plays dumb at first, trying to change the subject. She lets him and then after dinner, gives him a kiss and mumbles a "thank you" into his right ear and he knows he did the right thing.
:fin:
