2007-05-20
This oneshot is based on the scene taken from the OVA, director's cut. This is where Kenshin really admits his feelings for Kaoru. I felt so touched and happy for our beloved couple that I couldn't help but write a cannon about it.
Standard Disclaimers Apply! RK doesn't belong to me! I'm just a poor writer ho loves KnK!
Now, no more rantings! On with the story! RnR please!
KNK
The soft whispers of her worn tabi glided gracefully across the wooden corridors of the dojo as she carefully padded towards the room where she knew he supposedly slept. Sleep had evaded her for the past few days for such a reason she could not understand. Maybe it was because of the fact that they had just arrived back at Tokyo and Enishi's nightmare had ended. Maybe it was because he refused to really talk to her and narrate to her what had happened during the period that she was gone.
In all actuality, so many questions had plagued her mind.
His room finally came to view and yet just as she was raising a hand to slightly knock on the paper-thin door, she halted abruptly, suddenly scared, if not embarrassed to be seeking his attention in such deep a night. He's supposedly resting…she thought prematurely, why hadn't she thought of that before? Her rather impulsive actions often irritate Kaoru. Tonight was of no exception.
After a moment's hesitation, the raven haired woman slightly shook her head. Sleepless or not, it wasn't a good idea to disturb Kenshin for her own sake. Turning at her heels she slowly started retreating back to her room when she suddenly heard the silent slide of his shoji door.
"Kaoru-dono?"
She tensed, stilled, and then looked back at him.
"Kenshin… I was just… I…" as unfortunate as she was, she for one couldn't come up with an excuse to explain her wanting to intrude his room. "I…couldn't sleep so I…"
Bowing her head, the raven haired beauty futilely tried to hide the dark blush staining her cheeks.
Yet to her surprise and relief, a small smile seemed to gently carve its way to his lips. Nodding in understanding, he stepped out of his room and sat on the porch, patting the space beside him, an indication that she should join him.
"Aa. I couldn't sleep too de gozaru na…"
KNK
"Kenshin…I'm sorry to disturb your rest…" she murmured quietly as she nervously wrung her hands on the folds of her yukata. He shook his head. "It's alright. I haven't gotten used to sleeping on a futon so sleep had been far off these past few days."
She glanced at her back to see his shoji partially open and saw that his futon had in fact remained untouched and folded at the centre of his room. Seeing this, Kaoru let out a breath she hadn't known to be holding. Realizing that she hadn't seemed to intrude on his respite, the kendo instructor allowed herself to relax, her head resting to lean slightly on his shoulder. Secretly, she stole a look towards the man to see if he was uncomfortable with their uncompromising position but he didn't seem to mind; a small smile even played upon his lips. It was a bold move for her, for as always, their actions had been guarded when it came to the other but somehow, after what had happened with Enishi, Kaoru felt some of her inhibitions melt. And after all, they were the only ones awake, so why the need to be so tense?
"Kenshin…" she breathed out, "I feel so grateful that we came back together again ne…? I don't ever want to leave your side again." She whispered softly, sapphire eyes carrying a wistful look as she reencountered the horror Enishi's jinchuu had brought her and him too…the wound still ran raw and deep for the two of them she supposed.
His voice was quiet yet she could hear a slight pang of pain in his tone. "I am a murderer, as what Enishi and all my enemies had said countless of times. The killer in me will never be changed Kaoru-dono."
His words were enough for her to shake her head, almost vehemently. "You are a good man with a good heart. And I had always believed in you...hontou ni… I always want to be by your side Kenshin. I wont regret being with you, ever." She declared openly, sapphire eyes turning to meet his amethyst ones when she suddenly stopped and gasped.
Tears were freely falling from his glassy amethyst irises, his face painted with emotions Kaoru couldn't start to fathom.
In all her years with Kenshin, she for one had never seen him cry.
Come to think of it, Kaoru never expected to see him cry. Though she dared not say it aloud, she didn't think he would let anyone, even her see him in such an emotion.
"I didn't think anyone would be capable of accepting a manslayer like me. I always thought I never deserved your generosity, acceptance and love..." he paused, his face painted with a bittersweet smile. "However, no matter how much I yearn to be with Kaoru-dono...the fact will always remain that I am undeserving and unworthy of any if these kindly actions…I was once an assassin and the blood in my hands of those I have killed will never be washed away…"
And so he proceeded in narrating to her his short and futile attempt to visit the grave of a samurai vassal he had killed during the end of Bakumatsu and how a mother's spoken word had been painfully embedded in his heart for the rest of his wandering days.
"If only I can… If only I am to be permitted, then it is my desire to stay with Kaoru-dono…to see her beautiful smile and be with her…yet to be gifted by such a chance will never happen to me. A man such as I am can never be forgiven. Therefore, I am not allowed to be happy, I will never be able to deserve true happiness."
Seeing him in such pitiful resignation alongside with the painful guilt his face openly showed her was too much and Kaoru felt the rush of emotions and the flood of tears. No…this man has led such a harsh life…he deserves all the good things life has to offer… "Then, it is my fault…" she found herself murmuring to him as she reached out to his form. " I do not care about your past...I have chosen to share your burden Kenshin and I do not regret anything...the true happiness you seek is what you truly deserve…" she was already sobbing, yet her words rang in his ears quite clearly as he let out a surprised gasp.
"Kaoru…"
She continued, mindful of the dropped honorific yet refusing to let him fall back into the pits of pain and guilt. "You have been given your life so that you may live to create smiles and give joy to the people around you. You live not for yourself, but for others…now tell me, isn't that enough to lift the chains of guilt from your soul?"
Her sapphire eyes met with his and then warmly, she felt him encompass her cheek with his calloused palm. "Kaoru…your smile is the only one I would like to see for the rest of my life… Your happiness is what matters most to me and it is what I vow to protect." His face held many an unreadable emotion to her and yet as she held out her hand to in turn stroke his scarred cheek, his gaze softened.
"Then…" she whispered, her voice trembling as she tried to muster enough courage. "Would you then make my dream come true…?" she paused, grasping his hands and intertwining it with hers. "Would you become a part of my family from now on?"
Surprise was first to register in his face, followed by realization and then slowly, he nodded in acceptance, a genuine smile lighting his lips as he murmured, "If that would make you smile Kaoru…."
And it was her turn to then beam with delight. "Of course…"
And he then crushed her form into his, his actions making her fully understand the torrent of emotions crashing down upon him. His hold had been deathly tight, as such that she couldn't almost reach out to embrace him in return. She held him as tightly as he held her, both not wanting to let go, savouring each one's touch, knowing that each one's presence is as treasured and as valued as the other.
"Kaoru…aishiterru…" he whispered, his voice soft and full of unspoken emotions.
Hearing the word she had longed for him to say for so long brought tears back in her sapphire gaze. "Hai…aishiterru mo…Kenshin…."
For a long while they sat in their intimate embrace, until finally the red haired man noticed that his companion had dozed off serenely in his hold. His gaze softened as he carefully scooped her lithe form and stood up. Almost as an impulse, her small hands shot out to grasp his gi, as if she didn't want to let go. A slight chuckle escaped his lips. Awake or in slumber, his Kaoru was truly an endearing woman.
His.
It felt good to finally be able to call her as his woman; to openly acknowledge the fact. For such a long time he head tried to deny his feelings for her, tried to fight it off at first, and then, after having realized that such was an impossible task, deemed himself fit by just trying to hide it from her and everybody else.
Now, he no longer had to hold back.
"Kenshin…"
His attention was quick to focus on the muffled sound coming from somewhere the centre of his gi. "I…I don't want to be alone…" she whispered shyly, hiding her face on the muscled expanse of his chest to hide the blush spreading across her cheeks. "Just stay with me…I ask of nothing more…I just…"
He smiled, once again, his understanding comprehending her thoughts. Neither did he want to leave her side. In all actuality, propriety was just the reason why he made such a move to return her back to her room.
"Aa."
He entered his room and unrolled his futon with his foot. Gently, he eased her into his bed, noting of her slight discomfort and embarrassment. Careful as not to frighten her, he settled beside her, his arms automatically reaching out to grasp her waist in a tender yet protective embrace.
This must have had worked for Kaoru practically melted in his arms, her own coming up to encage his neck. Her jasmine scent filled his scent as his fingers gently stroked her waist, his mind taking in and memorizing her beautiful features and the feel of her skin.
Kaoru breathed out a sigh of contentment. Loved. She had never felt so loved before and such a close connection to any other human being she had known. The night held many unexpected events for her but Kaoru was by no means complaining. Kenshin…she found herself whispering at the back of her mind. If the only way for you to be truly happy is to see my smile, then, I'll gladly smile for you for as long as I may live. You vow to protect my happiness…and I vow to protect yours… Remembering their last moments on Enishi's island, her mind reeled back on her words.
I may not be able to see your genuine smile that Tomoe san had seen but that doesn't matter anymore… Though I still hope to see your true smile one day, while I wait for that time to come, I will do my best to smile for you and be happy for you…that is what I have realized… and that is what my answer is…
"Kenshin…"
"Hmmm…?"
She smiled and buried her face on the crook of neck, smiling, she whispered softly,
"Oyasuminasai…"
Sleep was already claiming her and yet as she struggled to stay awake, she felt his embrace tighten and heard his quiet reassuring voice.
"Oyasumi…Kaoru..itoshii…"
And with that, she smiled and peacefully slept.
OWARI
Some translations:
Oyasuminasai goodnight or sleep well.
Aishiterru I love you.
Aishiterru mo I love you too.
Aa male form of 'yes'
Itoshii beloved
Tabi traditional Japanese socks
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¬Ena
