Forward:

I suppose I should start this with an introduction. My name is Samuel Vincent and I am currently one of the, if not the, most interesting human alive, or at least the one who's currently captured everyone's attention. Then again that's not too hard given that most people I know haven't ever seen another human and given the way things are looking it's likely I won't live see another.

If by some chance you're human and reading this, congratulations on finally managing to lift yourself off that rock and getting out into the wider galactic community. It took you long enough. You might want to see if you can't find some of my writings to see a human's perspective on the current galaxy as of their time of writing.

On the bright side this means I don't particularly have to hold back anything in this cause due to technicalities nothing I put down here is admissible in court, the people I care about are fine with me saying everything, and it's not like the press back on Earth can blast me on this.

Also just like in all my works my views are my own and as this can attest I have had an extremely unique viewpoint from which they have been developed. Overall humanity is varied and there will no doubt be both those that completely agree with me, and those that believe that I'm so stupid as to deserve being removed from the gene pool.

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Prologue:

Now I do believe that in order for you to properly understand my story I should begin by setting the stage so to say.

I was born in the on Earth, in the southeastern United States to be more precise, in the later portion of 1996 Anno Domini (AD) and 2496 Galactic Standard (GS). It should be noted that at the time of my separation the name of the predominant calendar was shifting towards a more neutral Common Era but I refrain from using it so as not to cause confusion between its abbreviation and the abbreviation for the current Council Era used to specify the current epoch of the galaxy. On another note, since I grew up using the former date system all dates will be given in it with the GS dates following in parenthesis.

Overall my childhood was not too important save that it was comfortable enough to allow me to sate my curiosity about the world and devour book after book on anything and everything. Perhaps the main downside was that I was rather isolated and had difficulty making friends, though what friends I did make I treasured deeply and miss to this day.

The events of importance started in early 2016 (2516), on a day where I was bored, full of energy, without friends to bother, no internet (my species' name for the planet bound extranet analogue), and a book that I couldn't find any information about, and whose title I could never translate, I got from a strange shop. In hindsight I should have known better, especially given the amount of things I had read online with similar openings. Perhaps if contact is made one day somebody can check to see if there is any truth in any of those stories.

As I was saying I was bored and this book just so happened to have a large variety of rituals and things of that nature to accomplish many things and I had bought it on a whim due to curiosity. One of those things it promised just happened to be 'an interesting and unique adventure' and I decided to try to pull it off due to my boredom and its simplicity.

Overall it took maybe fifteen minutes for me to set everything up and pack a small bag, that part was mainly out of what I perceived as false hope that something truly interesting would happen, and have everything ready. The text itself was not too difficult and after double checking things, even if I was doing it as a joke I was going to do it right, I recited the few lines only to be blinded by a sudden flash of light and experience that feeling you get when you do a sudden drop where there's that lifting in your gut only a hundred times worse for several horrible moments before I was unceremoniously deposited on a metallic surface.

As was fitting given my luck, on arrival I hit my head and was knocked unconscious.

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Before I continue with the main body of this story I would like to give a message to those who may be curious about the mysterious book and inclined to search for it. In the time since that event I have never used it again in that manner and have only sparingly looked at it before I locked it away in a secure location. It is not worth your life to look for because, to borrow a somewhat cliché phrase from my homeworld, there are things man is not meant to know.


A/N: The idea for this story comes from Nicogen here on this site. Personally I have enjoyed his writing and recommend that you take a look at it.

Now onto details related to this piece: for the most part it is the memoirs (or at least part of them) of a human transplanted from the Mass Effect Earth during 2016, and he is not a genius and so may get things wrong, especially human only things such as our measurement units like a kilometer or a pound. On a whole there shall be no looking up information bar that which would be common knowledge to aliens such as speed of light, boiling point of water, etc. though that still require him to convert it over to his native measurements *laughs evilly*
On a related note: it will be interesting to see how much I really on the internet as a brain extension.