Credits to CircusP for composing and subtitling "I (Love)"
A/N: This is my first songfic which means time for experiments! (No pun intended) I hope you enjoy it; I had a lot of fun writing this actually n.n
I love Luka. I love her more than anything in the entire world.
And she loves me, but she refuses to admit it. She masks her love for me by dating Gakupo, but I know. I know. I see her in the hallways and what her expression shows is not love, it's the desire to have someone beside her that's not me.
I don't know why she does it. Maybe to her I was just a thing. Something that happened involuntarily and she wants to get that in my head: I was just a thing and I shouldn't love her. Although, it's hard for me to accept that because of the way she still looks at me every time she passes me. Her eyes show me hurt and yearning, and this leaves me thinking she loves me. I don't want to not love her because what if she finally realizes she loves me back.
I know the cryptic way she hides it
I see how she fakes her affection
I've tried to understand everything
But I guess I'm just a hopeful fool
"Your love doesn't mean anything to me. You don't mean anything to me," she tells me, but I know better.
We weren't anything, I try to persuade myself, but I know we're not a passing rain; we are a raging storm.
And when she kissed me for the first time, I know she said it was an experiment, but the electricity that shot through me… I know she felt it too. She even said she wanted to do greater things with me, and I melted to her words, I believed them like a child believes in fairy tales -a happy ever after. I wanted it to be true because she taught me the sweet word 'love' and I thought she was as happy as I was… and yet, she returned to those dark, meaningless words like 'test' and 'experiment'.
Someone told me it was pointless to find love in someone who refuses to love; it's worthless. But I found happiness in my love for Luka… even within the sadness of it all. I've heard the saying 'love conquers all' and I believe it. There's no denying that the times I've spent with Luka are the happiest moments of my life, and now that I know I love her, they've increased tenfold.
To her I'm nothing
We weren't anything
Just a basic test
An experiment
I know it's pointless
I know it's worthless
But I won't give up
I won't surrender
"Luka, this isn't like you," I say to her one day when I meet her in the courtyard of the school, "why did you agree to go out with Gakupo-kun when you don't have any feelings for him?" I asked.
"You don't know me," she said sharply, and I watched as she started to walk away from me.
"I won't let him steal you away from me." I said just loud enough so she could hear me.
She span around, marched straight up to me and looked me dead in the eye. "You can try."
For a second I thought that was it. Obviously it wasn't, because right there, in the broad daylight, in the courtyard of the school, she kissed me again. Though, this wasn't the kiss I wanted. This was the kiss she wanted me to have.
Her lips harshly pushed against mine and she sunk her pink-polished nails into my lower back making me want scream in agony and push her away, but she was hungry for more and wouldn't let me. She sucked anything she could out of me -my strength, hope, and love. She left me standing there soon after feeling like an empty carcass and I convinced myself that if this would save her, I would do it a thousand times until she felt right again. I couldn't let her lie to herself about who she loved. I wouldn't. Maybe if I let her do it a thousand times she would finally get it, but maybe I'm just another hopeless fool in love.
I won't let him steal you from me
I'll save you and then you will love me
I won't let you do this to yourself
I'll save you| we're perfect together
Luka and I sat together on a bench eating lunch in the cafeteria. As usual, she was daydreaming again.
"Luka… Luka!" I say to her when I realize she hasn't heard a word I said.
She suddenly snapped out of it and stared at me with eyes as large as saucers. "What?"
I sighed. "You didn't hear a word I said, did you?" I ask her.
Luka stared at me with those pure, turquoise eyes that I loved and cocked her head.
I started again and gave her a look, "I said… Tomorrow is a day off; do you want to hang out?"
She begins to reply, "Of cour-", but I cut her off.
"That's not all I said," I say.
"What is it?"
"I told you that your nose is big, your eyes are too far apart, you laugh like you're choking on something, and that…"
Luka looked displeased, but she knew I was just joking. When I paused I regretted it because it gave her a chance to interpret my next words.
"I l-"
"Stop, we've been over this," she said cruelly.
I felt my heart wrench painfully and swallowed hard, "I just want to tell you that I love you. Why won't you listen to me for once?" I begged.
"I do listen to you, Gumi, and we're over; I'm done," she told me, and stood up from the bench. Without haste, she picked up her bag and slung it over her shoulder. "Bye," she said, and walked away without glancing back.
I don't get why she's not listening
I am fighting an abandoned war
I tried to show her the way I feel
But I guess I'm just a hopeless fool
Even after all we've been through she still agrees to be with me, as friends, and even though it starts to hurt after a while, I think it's because she loves me and she knows I won't listen to her cryptic words telling me to 'leave her alone' and 'I don't love you back,' so she stays and feeds off me like a baby nursing from a mother. She accepts my love for her yet, she won't accept herself and she thinks if she 'plays' along long enough, I'll start to understand where all of this is going… nowhere.
She will start to see though, that I'm not going anywhere either. And soon enough she will break her ties with Gakupo and accept it. I know for certain because we were always beside each other, even as kids. We will grow old together, forever –to the end of the world if you must.
And I want to tell her I love her every chance I can.
"I love you."
"I yearn for you."
Because she is my sanctuary and also a blissful cage that I'll let her snare me in. I will never forget the kindness and love she has shown me. I will never forget her smile… or her eyes that light up when she gazes up at the stars like a small child. I will never forget the way she kissed me, the way she looked at me and I won't forget she loved… no, loves me.
You will see
It will finally
Be just you and me
Till the end of the worldI want you
I deeply need you
I won't forget you
You're my sanctuary
Luka, I will save you; we're perfect together.
A/N: And that's that! I'm planning on writing the other piece that goes with this titled: "Lie... To Myself" and that will be CircusP's original song "Lie" ft. Luka Megurine (another songfic of course) Thank you for reading, and please leave a review if you have the time
Credits to CircusP for composing and subtitling "I (Love)"
