Pain
Zuko's point of view during his fever in Ba Sing Se.
Disclaimer; The law really does like for us to repeat ourselves, doesn't it? As I've said multiple times, Avatar is not mine, nor will it ever be. (tear)
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I walked through the door to our apartment. I felt suddenly lightheaded, and weak. Raising a hand to my eyes, my vision blurred and started to darken. I groaned as a throbing pain started up in my head, then I fell. I could hear Uncle's voice calling - my name, I think - then there was nothing. Nothing at all.
The first thing I noticed when I woke, was a dry, painful feeling in my throat. I tried to call out for Uncle, but all that came out was a weak groan. I heard a voice -Uncle's - speaking to me, and I pushed against the heavy dark of unconsciousness.
"You're burning up," he explained, his voice filled with concern. That certainly explained the fact that my entire body ached, and my face felt hot. "You have an intense fever," Uncle continued. "This will help cool you down." He placed something wet and cold on my forehead, and, if I'd had the strength, I would have hugged him, it felt so good. Slowly I opened my eyes.
"'m so...thirsty," I rasped, surprised by the hoarsness of my voice. I tried to sit up; it shouldn't have been such an effort. Uncle carefully pushed me back down, dipping a ladle into a bucket of water. He pulled me up, and supported my body, holding the ladle against my lips.
"Here's some clean water to drink," he said in a gentle, almost fatherly tone. "Stay under the blankets and sweat this out." I nodded, and drank thirstily. It wasn't enough. My throat still felt dry, and screamed for water. I grabbed the bucket, drinking as much as possible. Laying back down, I coughed. Sweet Agni above, but it hurt! What is wrong with me, I wondered dimly as I drifted asleep.
I dreamed. I was the Fire Lord. And there were dragons - two of them - circling my throne. And it all felt so natural. I sat there, on the throne, as hundreds of soliers bowed to me. It was perfect, peaceful, what I was meant to have.
"It's getting late," the blue dragon cooed, "Are you planning to retire soon, my lord?"
I did not move, just sat, looking forward as I replied.
"I'm not tired," I said simply, my eyes still on the soldiers in front of me. In some distant corner of my mind, I recognized that this was some dream, brought on by my fever - What had started it, anyway? - but that fact seemed so distant and insignificant.
"Just let go," the dragon soothed, and suddenly I felt tired; so...very...tired..., "give into it. Shut your eyes for a while."
I did. Or would have if not for the red dragon to my left.
"NO! Fire Lord Zuko," the red dragon cried. "Do not listen to the Blue Dragon. You should get out of here, right now. GO! Before it's too late!"
I knew that voice. Then everything changed, the pillars around the throne - my throne - crumbled as the floor disappeared, and the soldiers fell away, revealed to be nothing but empty suits of armor. I was scared. I didn't know what was happening. Then there were two golden lights - eyes - in the dark, and a sinister female voice at once completely familiar and wholy foreign.
"Sleep, now, Fire Lord Zuko." This time, the voice did not instill tiredness, but fear, and I watched, unable to move from the mat of the throne as the Bule Dragon came foward from the blackness around me. "Sleep," it hissed. "Just. Like. MOTHER!!"
I cried out as it swallowed me in, and there, in the dark beyond its jaws, was a figure, and another familiar voice.
"Zuko!"
It was my mother. What? Why was she here? MOM!!
"Zuko, help me!"
I wanted to reach out for her, but I couldn't move. I could see my reflection in her eyes, and then I was falling, pulled into a hole with a scream. And then all was black, and there was nothing.
I wasn't sure what time it was when I woke up. But Uncle was there, and there was something cool and wet against my forehead. It felt so good against the pain-filled heat. His voice was gentle when he spoke to me.
"You should know," he warned, pouring a cup of tea. Normally, I didn't like the stuff, but today, I was just too tired - too sick - to argue. "This is not a natural sickness."
He held me up, so I could drink the tea. And I was greatful; I really didn't think I could sit up on my own at the moment. My whole body felt like lead. But what Uncle said confused me; Not natural?
"Wh-what's happening?" I asked as Uncle pressed a cup of tea to my lips. I opened my mouth, and drank slowly. My throat hurt, and my head pounded. My eyes felt hot, like they were on fire. Uncle was holding me up, speaking again.
"Your critical descision," he explained. What's he talking about, I wondered. "What you did beneath that lake. It was in such conflict with your image of yourself that you are now at war within your own mind and body."
"Wh-what's that mean?" I breathed, feeling so weak. Uncle pressed the cup to my lips again, and I drank the liquid, greatful for the warmth. Despite the fever, I was so cold. I started coughing, and I just couldn't stop. I fell out of Uncle's hold, back onto the ground next my pillow, still coughing as I slipped out of consciousness again. Just before the blackness covered me, I felt arms lift me off the cold ground and place me back on my mat. The soft pillow felt so much better than the hard floor, and then there were blankets, trapping in my body heat, and banishing the coldness.
I slept for the most part, waking up only long enough for Uncle to pull me up, pour some sort of tea, or water down my throat, sometimes, cough, then shiver and fall back to sleep, feeling drained and weaker than I wanted to. Sometimes I dreamed of Mom, or Uncle. Once, I dreamed of what my life could have been, without the war, and with a father that loved me, a kind sister, and a mother who didn't have to leave me. But mostly, I just wandered in darkness. There were times, though, when I dreamed of the waterbending girl who traveled with the Avatar. Katrina... Kitsana...Kiara...Katana... something like that. My mind, when I was at least semi-awake, was too foggy to think clearly.
At one point, I awoke to silence. Feeling stronger than I had the last few days, I got up. My legs still felt shaky, so I took it slow when I went to the wash-room. I needed to wake myself up fully, so I splashed water over my face in front of the mirror over the sink. When I looked up, though, I was shocked; my scar, my hair, both were gone! And in place of what marked me who I was was the Avatar's arrow! I cried out, staggering back, and jolted up in bed, shouting.
Panting, I sat on my sleeping mat, trying to calm my racing breath and heart-rate. Agni above what an odd dream. Trembling slightly - from cold or shock, I couldn't say - I reached up and touched my scar. Still there. I was still me; still Zuko. Not the Avatar. Sighing, and closing my eyes, I lay back down to sleep, and I could almost feel my fever slipping away, and a sense of peace and calmness replaced it.
The next time I woke up, I could hear birds chirping. Usually, I would have been annoyed, though I couldn't think why. Stretching and yawning, I got up, put on my clothes, and followed a very good smell out to the kitchen, where I saw Uncle cooking some kind of mush. I smiled. Today was already looking like a good day. A new day, and a new life that I was more than ready for now.
XxX
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