Daria was enjoying the Friday afternoon off from school by sitting in the living room and reading quietly. Her mother and father were both at work, and Quinn had gone off somewhere with her Fashion Fiends once the half-day at Lawndale High ended.
All of a sudden, she heard a rapid, panicked banging at the front door. "Who's that tap-tap-tapping at my chamber door?" she remarked aloud, setting down the anthology of Poe she'd been reading.
Her stoicism briefly failed her when she opened the door to find Jane laying in the front yard, writhing and moaning in pain. "Oh, Daria, you have to help me!" she begged.
"Jane? What happened?" Her voice was up an octave, genuinely concerned.
"It's...it's horrible! I was...I was..."
Daria knelt down and took Jane's hand. "Please, Jane, tell me!"
"I was stung by..." She gritted her teeth. "...a jellyfish!"
Daria's face returned to stoicism and she dropped Jane's hand as she stood back up. "No."
"Daria, please!" There were tears in her eyes.
"We're miles from the ocean, Jane. You know, the ocean, where jellyfish live. And you're bone dry."
"It was at, uh..." She searched her mind for a plausible explanation. "The exotic pet store in the mall! Yeah!" Jane nodded her head. "I was there for artistic inspiration, and it just leapt out of the tank and attacked me!" She was rocking back and forth as she clutched herself. "You know what you have to do!"
Daria nodded. "Yeah." Jane's eyes brightened. "Call poison control."
Jane's face fell. "But Daria -!"
Daria shook her head. "Jane, urine can activate the nematocysts that a jellyfish deposits at the site of its sting, actually increasing the pain that you're not feeling because you weren't stung by a jellyfish. Now unless you have a pizza hidden around here, scram." She turned and walked back into the house, making sure to lock the door behind her.
Standing up and abandoning all pretense of injury, Jane stormed up to the door. "Well now you know what it's like to have a friend with a creepy obsession with a letter of the alphabet!" she shouted.
"Your obsession isn't even real, Jane," Daria chided from behind the door. "You're just trying to one-up my special relationship with Mr. T."
Jane slumped in defeat. "Am not," she said with a pout, before embarking on the lonely walk back to her house.
XXXXXXXXXX
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Haaaaaaahahahahahahahahahhahaha.
Bwaaaaahahhahahahahahahahaaha.
And yes, this is definitely in the "Daria is obsessed with Mr. T" universe, so this might come up again.
Hahahahahaha.
Heeehehehehehehehe.
