I couldn't sleep, so I went to read something and suddenly this came up and wouldn't go away. I'm sorry for any possible mistakes and if you have questions or thoughts on this, please let me know. I was reading the poem in Dutch, so I thought it was more suitable to use that translation. If you don't understand it: it's number 44 of Pablo Neruda's (yes, him again) Love sonnets.
XLIV
Weet dat ik jou bemin en niet bemin
gezien de twee manieren van het leven,
het woord is als de vleugel van de stilte,
het vuur is voor de helft van kou vervuld.
'k Bemin je om 't begin van het beminnen
om het oneindige te herbeginnen
en om nooit met jou beminnen op te houden:
en dus bemin ik jou nog altijd niet.
'k Bemin je en bemin je niet alsof
ik in mijn handen sleutels van geluk
en van onzeker ongeluk zou houden.
Twee levens heeft mijn liefde je te geven.
'k Bemin je dus als ik je niet bemin
en als ik je bemin, bemin ik je.
- Pablo Neruda
What most people don't seem to understand is that there are many different ways of loving. You can love a person, or several people at the same time. You can love things, animals, ideals or even feelings. But it's hard to explain the difference between these kinds of love, because they all listen to the same word.
In English at least.
My mother was born here, but her parents were born and raised in a small town in the east of the Netherlands. After WWII, they decided to start a new life across the ocean and settled in another small town, in Ohio. They didn't speak much about their lives before they came here, but they always had trouble with their new language and raised my mother bilingually. It didn't seem right not to tell the stories they grew up with, or in a way they were not familiar with. So my mother still speaks some Dutch, but only when she's upset or overly happy. I know a few words, but not enough to carry conversation with a native speaker. Not that I mind, it's not exactly a pretty language. But there is one thing I think is unfair: you can love in three different ways in Dutch. I still don't know how to properly explain these differences, but I'll try.
'Houden van' is used most commonly and applies in all the ways of loving. Which means that I 'hou van' my parents, my sister, my friends, Lord Tubbington, hats, cheerios, motorcross, long busrides or reading manuals cover to cover when I buy a new electronic device I haven't used before.
'Liefhebben' however, does not apply to most of those. Liefhebben is romantic and sweet. It's passionate and breathtaking. It's wild and heartbreaking. You can't say there's an idea om lief te hebben. Liefhebben needs something tangible, a person. Liefhebben is when you actively love a person, touch them or speak to them.
Lastly, there's 'beminnen.' I've never heard someone use it in an actual conversation, only seen it written in book or poems. It's almost the same as liefhebben, but there's still a difference. Beminnen is delicate and tender. Maybe that's why no-one ever says it aloud, unless mockingly, so it's not as threatening.
As I said, there are many different ways to love.
But for me, there's only one way I can combine all three of these words. One person who embodies every possibility of the word love.
Santana.
And I broke her heart.
