Breaking Down

Summary: Due to vampire's being unchangeable, they instinctively guard their hearts from the get-go. It takes a lot longer for a vampire to truly fall in love than a human. But once it's done, it cannot be undone. Bellice. Stays pretty close to the books but is AU in a lot of respects.

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight. That right belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I just like playing around with her characters a bit.

Prologue

It was finally happening but it was already too late. Even without his empathic ability, Jasper could see it. His wife was in love with someone else and she had finally realized it as the object of her affection drove off with her new husband. He could feel the moment she recognized it as she gradually started to emotionally glow as well as the moment she realized she was too late not a second later. He caught her as she crumbled and held her as her body was wracked with heaving sobs. She could never have seen this coming. Not unless she had consciously decided she would fall in love with Bella and nobody could decide that. Even as a human, Jasper had understood how unpredictable love could be. However, having his empathic ability as a vampire had given him an enhanced amount of clarity. So he knew that Alice wasn't truly in love with him as he was with her, though that didn't stop him from convincing himself otherwise. The same way he knew from the very moment Alice met Bella, that he had lost any chance for her heart.

He could discern the stages of love now, something he would never have been able to do as a human, as well as the differences between human and vampire love. Due to vampire's being unchangeable, they instinctively guard their hearts from the get-go. It takes a lot longer for a vampire to truly fall in love than a human. But once it's done, it cannot be undone. A human's heart can be healed over time whereas a vampire's pain merely gets stronger. He knew this through his experiences in Texas. Sometimes his newborn recruits would find their 'True Mate', as he termed it, with another recruit in his regiment. True Mates stuck by each other in battles and would die together. But occasionally, they would get separated and one would survive while the other died. Of course, he never felt their pain for long. Once the survivor of the pair found their other half dead, they found their own means to end their existence rather quickly. When Maria would order an execution, Jasper would kill True Mates together and told Maria it was to save the regiment from the chaos a vengeful Mate would cause which was only partly true. Mostly, he just didn't want to have to feel the anguish that followed. His selfish vampiric side wouldn't let him feel their torment. It was his version of self-preservation.

This same self-preservation instinct caused him to keep his mouth shut. He knew he wouldn't be able to live through Alice leaving him and so he didn't say anything. By doing nothing, however, he didn't realize that he was sentencing himself to something worse. He didn't have his wife's gift of clairvoyance in order to see how his decision would affect everyone. He didn't have the presence of mind to see that far ahead. All he saw was the now and it terrified him.

So he wasn't prepared when he felt the bone crushing pain his True Mate felt as she watched her True Mate leave with another. He wasn't prepared when it was magnified by the knowledge that he could've prevented it.


Alice had always loved being able to see the future. It had always aided her in responding to the events in her life. It brought her a peace of mind, love, a family. But now, it only brought her pain.

As the visions of Edward and Bella's first time coupled with the subsequent visions of Bella trying to get Edward to have sex with her replayed over and over in her mind, her torment increased. It had been seventeen long days since the wedding and she still couldn't find the strength to leave her bed. The burn in her throat didn't seem to matter as much compared to the anguish in her heart. Her whole body felt the ache and pain as if the once beating organ in her chest weighed tons more than it should and was crushing her body on the inside. The only thing keeping her sane was the knowledge that her best friend was happy. She refused to refer to Bella as her sister-in-law or even as her sister. She was so much more than that and the feelings she now realized she had for the brunette were not sisterly at all. She wondered how she hadn't recognized it before. How Bella had gone from being her best friend to the love of her life. Her other half she didn't know she was missing. True it had been a slow build up but now as she looked back and remembered all that had happened since the moment they met, the signs had been there.

She remembered distinctly the instant attraction when they met and how easy talking to her and being her friend had been. Even her blood, which smelled fabulous, took a back seat to the person that sheltered it. As time progressed, Alice remembered when the need to simply be around her grew as well as when the want to touch her in some way tentatively began. She had always been an overly affectionate vampire so the touching wasn't a sign in itself. However, the lengthy hugs, cuddling just for the sake of holding her close, touching Bella simply because her proximity was in itself a temptation, were more than enough evidence to prove Alice's feelings were no longer platonic but the list didn't end there.

She remembered when the James fiasco happened and how completely terrified she had been. During that episode, she constantly fought against the almost irrepressible urge to hold Bella, make sure she wasn't hurt, and take away her fears. However, she fought so hard against it that she ended up doing the opposite. She became careless and Bella slipped through her fingers. Alice would never forgive herself for allowing Bella to get hurt and, she suspected, neither did Edward. Edward never truly trusted Alice with Bella after that.

She had never wanted to leave when Edward convinced the family that the best course of action was to do so. In fact, she probably wouldn't have left at all if she hadn't already been away trying to help Jasper regain control. Edward had been sneaky and had used the loopholes in her visions to make sure she had no idea what was going on until everyone had already left. She knew that had she been there, her vote would have tipped the scales toward them staying. Esme and Emmett had voted to stay and she was sure she could have convinced Carlisle to see that leaving would tear the family apart more than staying would. The vote would have turned in her favor but it didn't. She wasn't there. She didn't know it was happening until she had a vision of the family packing all of the wrong clothes for her and Jasper then heading to Denali. At the time, she had no idea what was going on which just made things worse. She could tell Carlisle was a little surprised about that but wouldn't tell her the details when she had called a little after her vision. When they finally told her, she had been furious. Apparently, they had accounted for her and Jasper's votes as they would have assumed them to be and had explained it away saying that Alice would have called them to say if their votes were different. Edward had told them he had been planning it out for days and that she would undoubtedly have known about it which was utter crap though she didn't tell anyone that. By that time, Alice was so in tune with Bella's future that any tiny conscious decision remotely involving her, Alice would see it and she had not seen this coming which could only mean that Edward had purposefully made a split second decision to leave so Alice couldn't stop them. Edward already had left by the time Alice had arrived in Denali, allegedly in search of Victoria, and couldn't answer for his duplicity.

She was fully prepared to ditch her coven and head back to Forks but… she couldn't. Well she physically could but her instincts told her not to. It was one of those rare moments where she felt like she was having a vision but couldn't see anything. Something that she only instinctively understood and didn't know how to explain. Something that neither Edward nor Jasper could figure out despite their gifts. Something that told her that staying would be better in the end and that everything would work out. Something that she trusted more than anything would keep her and everyone she loved safe.

And so she stayed in Denali, despite the hollowness she felt in her heart whenever she saw Bella in a vision and whenever she didn't. The first time she tried to check in on Bella and found only darkness which she later learned was due to the wolves in La Push, Alice was in a blind panic. She was halfway out the door when another vision hit her. It was of Bella making dinner for Charlie. Something so simple and yet kept Alice from completely breaking down. After that, Alice never received a clear vision of Bella even after they returned. They were always somewhat foggy like her future wasn't set in stone, except for one. It was one that she had seen several months before but had repeated recently with a slight difference. Before it was of her as a vampire with Edward by her side, but now it was just of Bella as a vampire looking at something that was behind Alice's field of vision with a look of complete devotion and adoration on her face. It was this vision that kept her going when Bella's future would completely disappear and then reappear a few hours later a little foggier than it was before. It wasn't until she saw Bella jump off the cliff and then disappear that she sprinted to Forks as fast as she could knowing that she would be too late but hoping otherwise. Her body completely numb with the shock of it all. Seeing Bella alive, hugging her as tightly as she could without breaking her, feeling her close, smelling her sweet sent was like experiencing a really tasty deer after going bloodless for months. She was hard-pressed to leave her when Jacob came by especially since her instincts were flaring that he was dangerous.

In Italy, she wished that she had another way to save her brother without putting Bella in harms way, but her unexplainable non-vision vision told her that this was the only way to save Edward and perhaps would save Bella too. It went smoother than she expected. Throughout the event, the calm façade she allowed everyone to see but maintained mainly for Bella's benefit was firmly in place even after she let Aro into her head though at that point it wasn't entirely faked. He had decided to let them live and she had seen them return to Forks unharmed with a human Bella in tow. The only thing that put her on edge was the knowing smirk Aro gave her before they left which made her wonder what had he seen in her memories that had put that smirk there. That was all she could think about the entire plane ride. That and the fact that Bella was sitting practically in Edward's lap.

The days following were spent groveling even though Bella had said she was already forgiven. Alice didn't feel like she deserved it and so every spare moment she could find when Bella was alone which wasn't much considering Edward was with all the time, Alice would remedy that. When she was finally feeling like she could trust Bella's forgiveness, Victoria had to ruin it. She had to remind Alice just what leaving Bella had supposedly protected her from so she dedicated all her time to bringing her down, trying to prove both to Bella and herself that Bella was safe with her.

When she had the vision of Edward and Bella eloping in Vegas, her chest had contracted painfully and an overwhelming sadness enveloped her. At the time, she had passed it off as her feeling rejected when she wasn't allowed to help with her best friend's wedding. But then it happened again when she was planning it. And again, when she was designing the dress. And again, when she was helping Bella get ready the morning of. And then again, when she watched her best friend dressed in white walk down the aisle and the look on Edward's face at the end of it. The pain didn't go away after that. It slowly began to spread from her chest to her limbs as she watched Edward and Bella have their first dance. Then from her limbs to her extremities, as she watched as they made their way through the crowds of well-wishers towards Edward's Volvo, towards her.

When they finally reached her standing by the end of the car, she plastered a smile on her face and quickly hugged her brother close muttering a soft 'congratulations' before letting go. She then turned to the closest and most dear friend she'd ever had and suddenly felt like she was saying goodbye. She felt the pain throb everywhere and rushed at Bella wrapping her arms around her.

Alice hoped Bella didn't notice her desperation as she clung to the taller girl. Bella's breath gently caressed Alice's neck making her shiver slightly before she whispered, "Thank you, Alice." In response, Alice squeezed her a little tighter, a little closer and she realized she never wanted to let go. Yet she knew it was inevitable and as each second passed she knew the suspicions would start. She could already feel Edward's eyes burning holes into her head trying to figure out what she herself didn't understand. She was extremely grateful that most of his attention was focused on the woman in her arms, otherwise she was sure he would have stolen Bella from her embrace.

With a deep breath, she released her best friend, kissed her lightly on the cheek, and stepped back to become a spectator once again. As soon as they were no longer touching, Alice felt as if she were missing something, a void grew. She could feel the burn of tears build up in her eyes but that's as far as they went. Her vision became blurry due to the venom-filled obstruction but her eyes never left Bella's form as she walked away. All Alice could think about was how she wanted Bella back in her arms again. She didn't want her to leave. She never wanted her to drive away unless Alice could ride in the passenger seat.

As the Volvo steadily was removed from her sight, the heaviness of her heart became a dead weight. She felt herself drop to the ground, no longer having the strength to hold up the dead organ in her chest as she realized it was dead in more than one way. A part of her knew that there were arms around her, holding her up before she could hit the pavement. A part of her knew that she was making incomprehensible noises but the rest of her no longer cared. The rest of her just wanted her Bella back, the woman she loved back.

When she had finally calmed down enough to think properly, she found herself in her room looking into the eyes of the man she had once loved more than anything. She could see the anguish in his eyes and in the set of his rigid shoulders. Guilt washed over her. She knew she was the cause of his pain. She knew that he knew the reason behind it too which served to increase her guilt. As she continued to look into his eyes though, she saw other emotions there too. Ones that didn't quite make sense given the situation. There was guilt and confliction in his eyes and she couldn't figure out why. He must have sensed her confusion and came to a decision because a moment later she was lost in a vision. She came out of it a little disoriented, not knowing how to deal with the influx of new information. But two emotions were the most prominent, a growing resentment and anger.

"You knew." She barely managed to get it out in a sub-whisper so the others that had stayed close-by couldn't hear.

"Yes" Was his only answer and his guilt only proved to make her angrier and her resentment stronger.

She was seething but she could understand why he didn't tell her. His explanation made sense at least to her. Self-preservation was an instinct she knew well and knew first-hand how, combined with a powerful gift, it can sometimes make vampires do immoral and even things that are not originally in their character. This was something that altogether just wasn't Jasper. He had always been the most selfless gentlemen she had ever encountered so she understood that had his instincts not been what they are, he would have told her. Her understanding only went so far though. Her own instincts were telling her to kill him for taking away her chance at getting Bella to fall for her before Edward did. That because of him, she wasn't on her way to Isle Esme with Bella for their honeymoon right now. That because of him, Edward was with her at that moment and she was thousands of miles away. A part of her knew it wasn't fair of her to lay all the blame on Jasper but as these thoughts kept repeating through her head, that part was fairly dormant. She took a step forward and was only stopped when a vision made her go rigid. She saw Bella. She saw her with him. Having sex with him. Making love to him. It was brutal torture. She couldn't turn it off. She couldn't close her eyes or turn away. She had to watch until the vision finished its course. As it ended, she found herself frozen mid-step, not breathing, trying so hard not to break but knowing she was so close to the edge. She could faintly see Jasper still in front of her through her blurry eyesight.

"Leave," she said evenly not caring anymore if the others could hear them.

He hesitated slightly before taking a tentative step in her direction. "Alice…"

"Leave!" She didn't let him finish and he didn't stick around to try again. He was gone by the time she finished yelling the word. She faintly heard him tell the others not to disturb her and she was briefly grateful to him before she walked to lay down on her bed, wishing for the first time in her life that she could sleep and leave the world behind in dreams. She closed her eyes and forced herself to shut down. It didn't work entirely. She forced all her senses to shut down but the one thing she wished she could stop kept working. Her visions.

She became a statue, a shadow of her happy-go-lucky self. The only movement that occurred was when she tried to fight off a vision, fight off the torture and even then it was minute, a tiny muscle twitch. Her gift could not be shut off and her instincts continually pulled her in two opposite directions. The monster inside of her wanted her to end the agony and at the same time knew what killing herself would do to the people she loved. It knew what her death would do to Bella and couldn't stomach the thought of it. However, it didn't stop it from wanting an end all the same.

But when she hadn't had any new visions of Bella for a few days, a sense of dread began to build within her. Without her visions, Alice couldn't tell if Bella was happy, safe and as the visionless days continued, she came to realize that that was all that mattered to her. As long as Bella was happy and a part of her life, she could survive so for the first time in more than two complete weeks, Alice tried to look for Bella's future.

What she found wasn't very comforting. Nothing. She could only think of one reason why that was, shifters, but they shouldn't be anywhere near Bella. Her rising panic exceeded that of her self-induced coma. Within the blink of an eye, she was sitting up, phone pressed to her ear, listening to the ring, and breathlessly awaiting anyone to pick up.

"Hi, Alice."

Notes: I'm sorry if some parts don't flow or make sense. I'm pretty sure my writing style has changed from when I originally wrote this.

So I've tried several times to continue this story but it hasn't been working out the way I want it to. I'm changing this story to a one-shot until further notice when I can get this story to work out. Don't hold onto much hope on that happening though. I won't be able to so much as look at it or fanfiction in general for a year and a half starting the beginning of October 2013. If someone wants to adopt this story by all means go ahead. I'd like to see what someone else can do with it and if you want to see my notes for the story please message me before October. I know it's short notice so I'm sorry if you want to see them but I am no longer able to even get on the internet (I'm going out of the country). Anyway I hope you enjoyed this little insight into the story that plagues my brain and that you guys enjoy the next year and a half!