God, I have absolutely no business starting a new story. But it's a shorter one and I really like it, so I thought I would. I'm thinking between five and seven chapters. I already have the next chapter written, so I'll post it soon if I get enough reviews.
The title is a fabulous Regina Spektor song, even though it really has nothing to do with the story. But I thought it worked.
One More Time With Feeling is purely fictional. All recognizable characters are the creation of Shonda Rhimes. Any similarities between fictional characters and real people is coincidental, and not my intention.
I'd like to dedicate this story to two people: Kate811 and my wonderful friend Linda. Linda was wonderful in helping me come up with the idea. Kate811 told me she would read this, which is really all the encouragement anyone could ask for. And besides, spiritually, she already has the first review.
He had to leave. After Izzie had… well, you know, he had to leave. Seattle was making him claustrophobic. It was like the rain-laden clouds that were always overhead were suffocating him.
First Ava, now Izzie. Since when did bad things happen to the women he was serious about? Probably since he started getting serious with women, while resolutely not thinking about another woman. But she is always there in the back of his mind, whispering that he's trying to replace her; that Ava's brownish-red hair, and Izzie's blonde locks are no substitute for her own fiery color.
It's not that he didn't love Izzie. He loved Izzie with almost everything he had. He loved her with everything but that corner in the back of his mind—the one that told the absolute truth and nothing but the truth. That stupid corner that screamed that he loved Izzie for their history, and as a friend, but, and this is crucial, he could never love her like he loves that damn infuriating woman with the red hair.
He had told her she wasn't his girlfriend and she had left. He had accepted it as a fact of life—he wasn't ready for any sort of serious commitment to her, and she needed to deal with that. Okay, so maybe he could have phrased it so it didn't sting as much, but he had never been one to soften his words. So he told her and she left. But she kept coming back, and each time she did, she showed him just how huge of a mistake he had made.
And then Izzie. She was dying, they all knew that, but nobody wanted to say it out loud. He wanted her happy, and if marrying him made her happy, then he'd do it for her. He was glad that he could make her final days happy, even if every once in awhile, when he wasn't thinking about it, he'd catch a glimpse of red, and his mind would drift back to his devil—they had called her Satan while she was here, and now she is his own personal demon. He's like an alcoholic—he wants to kick the habit, but there is always some part in him yearning, calling out for her.
He hasn't cried since Izzie died. God knows he needs to, but there are only two women in the world he is able to cry in front of now, and they both currently reside in California.
So he had made arrangements to relocate. That he was relocating to Los Angeles raised more than a few eyebrows, but without Izzie around to badger him, no one said anything, and he didn't offer it up. Besides, he assured himself, he wasn't going to look for his redhead (whose name he can't bring himself to think, let alone say). He was going to find his oldest friend, who just happens to be an aspiring actress who happens to live in LA. It's not as if he can control where she lives.
She was the only one to ever know everything about him. Maybe his redhead had come close, but he had never revealed everything to her. He and Becca went as far back as peanut butter and jelly.
Becca Sinclair (formerly Rebecca-Lynn St. Claire, but she had changed her name for a more actress-y feel. Her words, not his. And it didn't really matter—he's always called her Bex anyways) has always been there. Her family lived across the street from his, and they had moved into their house long before Alex was even a thought crossing his parents' drug-muddled minds. Bex is a year older than him. She has always been in his life, and he has a feeling she always will be. He doesn't mind the thought. They've been friends since Alex was brought home from the hospital. It was her house that he would run to when his mother's screams became unbearable, and when he had hit his father. He stayed at her house when his father left and his mother was too disgusted to look at him. It was her family that had helped pay for what his wrestling scholarship did not, even though Bex was already a full year into college, studying to become an actress, and they were starting to feel the financial strain.
Bex is family. Which is why when he explains the situation to her, she starts getting the guest room ready for him before they've hung up.
She really is a good actress, and it's starting to pay off. She's scored parts on some pretty big television shows and a couple smaller ones in movies. She's quickly becoming one to watch, and he's incredibly proud of her.
He had been incredibly surprised when he had first seen her. Iowa Bex had dirty blonde hair and green eyes. LA Bex still has her green eyes, but her hair is a rich chocolate brown. He hadn't been expecting it, but he's gotten used to it.
He's also starting to get used to the fact that Izzie is gone. He's getting used to the pain, and it's starting to dull a little. The trick, really, he thinks, is just getting up each day, and just making it until you can go to sleep, and if you're lucky, then maybe one day, it'll be just a little easier to get up, and it'll keep going that way, so one day you can actually look forward to something.
He's been in LA for almost a year now, and he's finally starting to look forward to things. It's been hard, but Bex always has been good at pulling him out of funks. She's always known exactly what to say to make his pain better.
She's also always been great at pushing him to do things. Her latest obsession is getting him to date. She insists that a double date would be a good idea, but he's getting wise to her tricks.
It's one of his rare days off, and Bex has decided that they're going to spend the entire day together. Except then she remembers something. "Oh crap, Alex, I'm really sorry, but I just realized that I have an OB/GYN appointment today at eleven."
"It's okay," he says, although he was looking forward to spending time with her.
"Hey, I have an idea!" she exclaims, her voice dripping in her trademark enthusiasm. "Why don't you just come with me?"
"You want me to come with you to your OB/GYN appointment?" he asks. "Seriously?"
"Why not? I said we'd spend the whole day together. And I have to go to this. Unless you want to examine me, Mr. Doctor." She flashes him a grin and he shakes his head. They're comfortable together, but not that comfortable. He's done hundreds of exams, mostly while he was on her service, but never on Bex. It would be like sleeping with his cousin.
"Too weird," he says.
"So see? You should come with! And my gynecologist is really pretty. Like really, really pretty. I bet you two would hit it off. She seems like your type. Oh my God, I should totally set you guys up!"
"Uh, no, you shouldn't."
"Why not?" she pouts. "I just want you happy, Alex. You know that."
"And I can be happy without sleeping with the one woman who sees you naked."
"Oh, not all the way naked," Bex scoffs. "And it so doesn't count. Come on, she's single…ish."
Alex raises an eyebrow, a trait he picked up from her. "Singleish? What the hell does that mean?"
"Well, I have this sneaking suspicion about her and this other doctor at the practice, and I've heard rumors about one of her patient's husband, but I'm not really around enough to know much about anything. And you're ten times better than the other guys, and she'd be crazy to pick them over you. But I'm pretty sure she's single anyways. I mean, our whole thing is we bitch about our sucky love lives. It's kind of fun, really. I mean, aside from the part where I'm getting examined and all. Still hate that."
"Forget it. Not doing it."
"Alex," Bex whines. "Please? Don't make me throw a temper tantrum. You know I'll do it."
He rolls his eyes. She would too. And Bex has quite a healthy set of lungs. "Fine. I'll come. But you are not setting me up with her."
She sighs heavily. "Fine. Now go get dressed. We need to leave in like fifteen minutes."
0ooo0
They sit in the waiting area of the office as they wait for Bex to be called. It doesn't take very long. They both hear the heels clicking down the hallway, and Alex looks up to catch a glimpse of the OB/GYN who would apparently be perfect in every way (according to Bex, who wouldn't shut up the entire car ride over). Then he sees her and stops dead.
Crap, he thinks.
Okay, so who wants to guess who Bex's OB/GYN is? I'll give you three guesses, and the first two don't count.
-Juli-
