Half What I Really Am

Chapter: Parfait androgyne.

Prologue

By: Sofie MB

If guys are dicks and ego and girls are pussies and boobs. What am I?

He was standing in front of the mirror, the shower going, birds were singing outside, all servants doing their jobs –chatting and enjoying themselves as they cleaned and served-. He ignored the loud music that was blasting from his older brother's room, his friends being the only ones who dared to use that stereo. It was truly a beautiful day on the outside world; for everyone but him.

He was staring at the mirror in front of him completely lost; he kept staring at the part of his anatomy where his chest used to be. It was gone; almost as if it had been snatched from his body and replaced with foreign parts of an anatomy he did not appreciate at the moment and most likely never would. He did not want that, he wanted to wake up from such a nightmare; he wanted to be who he was.

He did not feel human as he let his hands trail up his waist to the nipples that now adorned him. He barely touched them, afraid. Silent tears traced down his pink pale cheeks. He did not want that. He wanted it gone; he wanted to forget what had happened. He was willing to forgive those forsaken parents of him as long as they took the abomination that his body now held and gave him his reality. But his reality was gone; all he had left was the reality humans reside in.

"Sasuke, dear, here are some clothes you can use." It was the way even his mother acted so indifferent about it, almost as if it was something normal, something that happened often, and something that was no reason to get alarmed. Could it be it was him the one mistaken? No, it could not. What had been done to him was a sin, a mistake, something cruel that had no forgiveness.

It was something that would mark his life forever and probably never leave him alone; always taunting him. Maybe, just maybe, there would come a time when he would be able to place those memories that hurt him so badly deep inside his head away from his heart leaving him to focus on other things; then again, maybe not.

He took the clothes and heard his mother leave the room. He stared at the B38 brassiere that was going to be framing his body from that moment on; he cried. He just broke down and let his life slip between his hands, just like trying to catch smoke. It was gone; it had left him behind to deal with himself alone.

If only I could be as perfect as life requires me to be. Then again; if I were to do so, would I still be myself?

He walked down a busy street, walking to school. The clothes that framed his body that day were a pair of dark straight jeans and a dark blue T-shirt with a white design on it that somehow seemed to symbolize him lately and a black shirt underneath that went to just a little under his elbows, and his favorite gray converse. Everything he wore seemed to be copied by others, he seemed to somehow be the one everyone would copy, imitate, adore, and most likely detest if they discovered the truth that now lied within him.

He walked with a rhythm that seemed inhuman, he seemed to be floating around with the grace as the one of a swan, rather than walking. He seemed to move back and forth in between dancing and walking. He was merely walking with class, something that he had been forced to do when he was younger.

No matter what he did, he always seemed to do everything perfectly. But there was something about him that only observers could catch. It was the way that he could transform from being cool to having a look of utter despair in his eyes; like there was something bothering or hurting him –there most likely was more than one-.

He was a sophomore in a big High School many people tried to get in. You could get in if you had the grades, the contacts, or the money to do so. Uchiha Sasuke had all three of them and even more. He was perfect after all; at least to the eyes of those ignorant things that dare call themselves humans and even forget what they believe in for the sake of the Uchiha. He detested it. He hated the way people would give up everything for him. He wanted to fight for something; he wanted to need to do something to get a friend; he did not want to just sneeze and find someone willing to be his friend just because his sneeze was perfect.

androgynous

adj. being both male and female

He held the dictionary he had borrowed tightly in between his hands. He should be used to it by now. He was not a guy anymore but he was not a woman. No one had noticed yet and for that he was grateful. He wanted badly to just cut those breasts off of his body and never have to strap them down again and set them loose when he dared to step in his home. It had been over a year since the surgery, but he could not get used to them yet. He could only guess he would never be able to.

He felt nervous and unsure as people he knew and people he did not know and was not planning to get close to in any way with began filling the room for the first time of the year. What if people discovered what now lied in him? He was scared. He had gone through enough rejection already and he did not feel like he needed any more of that. He wanted to get up and walk out.

The class had already started and he had no clue of what was happening; he took a deep breath. Life was beginning and it was dragging him along the way he didn't want to go, again.