Like Father, Like Son
"My father died protecting me, too." - Merlin comforts Arthur as he still grieves for his father and finally tells him of his dragonlord powers. No slash!
Set either during or post season 4.
It was one of those days.
The young king had been extremely difficult to wake up that morning, despite Merlin's clever tactics. And when Arthur finally did wake up, he was in a sullen mood.
Arthur had been crowned King of Camelot nearly a year ago, and even though Uther's death was behind him, thoughts of his father would occasionally plague Arthur in the night and prevent sleep from coming to him.
As Merlin prepared the king's breakfast, he noted Arthur's quietness and at first took it for stress from the upcoming council meeting about taxation. It was known among the members of the court that Arthur and Agravaine did not see eye to eye on the matter, but only a select few who were close to Arthur were aware of how much it pained him to disagree with the only living family member he had left.
Arthur made his way to the table and sat down, only to eat his morning meal half-heartedly. Merlin continued to watch his master, his friend, and he quickly realized that whatever was bothering him was something much deeper than anything to do with matters of court. Nevertheless, Merlin knew he would never get a straight answer out of Arthur, so he decided to approach Arthur's somber demeanor in a more indirect manner.
"There's no need to worry about the council meeting, Arthur," he said off-handedly, now straightening the sheets and pillows of Arthur's bed. "I'm sure it will go well enough."
"It's not that." The reply was a bit quicker than either of them expected, so Arthur shrugged and continued picking at his food, hoping in vain that his manservant would not question the matter further. Arthur did not want to reveal the thoughts that were haunting his mind, but he could always count on Merlin to not do whatever he asked.
"Then what is it?" Merlin glanced over at his master, trying to sound casual enough that Arthur would open up about whatever was bothering him. I have no right to pry, though, the warlock thought, after all the things I've kept from him.
Arthur sighed and rubbed his hands over his face, temporarily disregarding his food. "It's nothing that concerns you, Merlin." As soon as the words left his mouth, Arthur regretted them. They weren't directed towards Merlin to belittle him, but rather to try and end the conversation. Still, Arthur could not miss the brief flicker of hurt that showed in Merlin's expression.
Choosing to ignore Arthur's last statement, Merlin finished making the bed and walked towards the table, placing his hands on the back of one of the side chairs. "What's wrong?" he asked again.
Looking back into those blue eyes filled with true concern, Arthur knew that he and Merlin were friends. In fact, it wasn't until Uther's death that Arthur openly acknowledged Merlin as such. It was with this thought of their friendship and the fresh pain caused by yet another memory related to his father's death that Arthur decided to confide in his manservant.
No, he reminded himself, my friend.
Arthur then proceeded to tell Merlin of how, occasionally, his dreams were filled with memories of his father; some good, some bad. His eyes wondered about the room, and eventually Arthur's gaze fell down to his barely touched plate of food, choosing not to meet Merlin's gaze. He knew his manservant could not relate with him on this subject, seeing as how Merlin's own father was never in his life, and his mother was still alive.
"My father died protecting me, Merlin." Here he looked up to meet his friend's gaze for the first time, surprised to find Merlin's eyes appearing more glassy than usual. This particular sight unnerved Arthur slightly, so he returned to staring down at the table. "And the painful fact that I am responsible for my father's death is something I have to live with for the rest of my life."
Merlin nodded his head slightly, trying to control the tears that were threatening to do more than obscure his vision. He slowly pulled out the chair he was standing behind and sat down, also choosing to let his gaze fall to the table.
Arthur stared at Merlin, not minding that he sat down at the table, but wondering why his manservant was so affected by what Arthur had confessed to him. The young king could never have been prepared for what Merlin said next.
"My father died protecting me, too." Merlin said it so quietly and with such grief that Arthur was not surprised to find his own eyes watering. Initially he was shocked at this revelation, because several years ago Merlin had mentioned that he had never known his father. But this shock about whatever had happened quickly passed and was replaced by a deep sadness that came from suddenly realizing his friend had gone through the same pain he was still going through.
Arthur wanted to voice his confusion, to ask about what happened and when the tragedy took place. After seeing his friend's silent distress, however, Arthur decided to push his need for answers aside for the moment.
"You could have told me, you know."
Strangely enough, Merlin laughed at this, causing a single tear to escape and roll down his cheek. He quickly wiped it away, some nagging voice in the back of his mind saying that Arthur would call him a girl after this was all over.
This is your chance, another voice in his mind whispered. It's now or never.
Merlin breathed in a shaky breath and sighed. "I've wanted to tell you this for years, Arthur. But I've kept this secret from you because I was genuinely frightened for my life. And as the years have passed and you have become king, that fear has turned from being afraid for my life into fear of what you will think of me as..." here the warlock paused to collect himself and force his eyes to meet Arthur's, "as a friend."
Confusion shone clearly on the young king's face, but his curiosity as to what his raven-haired friend had to say gave him enough patience to wait and let Merlin explain things on his own timing.
"Arthur, you are not your father. But because your father was a king, his power was passed down to you through his death, correct?"
Arthur couldn't help but let out an unkingly snort. He felt as though Merlin was talking to him as if he were a young schoolboy! "Yes, Merlin, I do understand how kingdoms work."
Merlin continued undeterred. "And you didn't choose to be born into royalty, but you were. The power of kingship was given to you whether you wanted it or not."
"Yes, Merlin..." Arthur was about to state that he had more important things to do than have history lessons with his manservant, but said servant interrupted him.
"Well, this rule also applies to dragonlords."
Arthur blinked. Despite Merlin's bluntness, the king clearly did not comprehend what his manservant was confessing. "Dragonlords? What are you on about, Merlin?"
"Arthur, do you remember Balinor?"
It could have been the way Merlin's voice cracked slightly on the name. It could have been the intense yet pleading look Merlin was giving Arthur as he silently begged him to remember. Whatever it was, Arthur finally began to put the pieces together.
"Balinor was your father." Merlin nodded, and as another solitary tear slipped down the warlock's face, he hastily wiped it away.
No man is worth your tears. Arthur's own words from so many years ago suddenly resounded loudly within his head.
"Merlin, what I said afterwards... If I had known..."
The warlock put up a hand to silence his friend. "Exactly. You didn't know. It was my burden to bear alone at the time."
"But why didn't you tell me?" the king asked, sounding slightly hurt if Merlin was not mistaken.
"Because like I was telling you earlier: just as a king's power is passed down to his son in death, so it is with a dragonlord's power. Your father wanted all of the dragonlords dead, so when my father was killed I couldn't very well announce that I was the last dragonlord without fearing Uther would have me executed later."
"So you're telling me that you're a dragonlord?" Arthur asked almost disbelievingly. All of this information was quite a bit for the new king to take in.
"Yes, I am. And while we're at it, the Great Dragon is actually still alive." At Arthur's sudden flash of rage began to surface, the dragonlord scrambled to get another word in. "But don't worry! He won't be attacking Camelot ever again... unless I tell him to, of course. Arthur, calm down! I'm not planning on letting that happen!"
It took some more outbursts and reassurances, but eventually Merlin got his master's mild temper under control. He leaned forward on the table towards Arthur to be sure he had the king's full attention as he spoke his next words.
"The point of me telling you all of this, Arthur, is so that now you know you're not alone in your grief. Even though my father's death wasn't entirely of my own doing, to this day I still consider myself responsible. I know what you're going through... what it feels like. What I needed most when I lost my father was a friend. And that's what you need, Arthur." The warlock leaned back in his seat and looked at the empty chairs across from him and to his right as if searching for someone. "Oh and what do you know," he said, glancing down and gesturing to himself with a growing smile on his face, "there's one right in front of you... and quite a handsome one at that!"
A chuckle quickly escaped the king and he sighed with contentment at the situation. Although he wasn't one for deep, meaningful talks with others he couldn't ignore the fact that this one with Merlin was something he had needed for a long time. Arthur looked down to his folded hands and slowly nodded his head in gratitude. "Thank you, Merlin."
"Anytime," Merlin said as he folded his arms across his chest, smiling despite the sad memories that had resurfaced during their conversation.
"Does it ever get better?" Arthur asked hopefully, realizing that either his friend was really good at using his carefree personality to hide his pain over the years or that Merlin genuinely did recover from the loss of his father.
The unspoken meaning behind the question was not lost to the warlock, resulting in a sad smile to find it's way onto the warlock's face. "The pain and guilt will still be there, but it does lessen over time. It may be hard to believe while feeling such fresh pain, but yes, things will get better."
The two sat in comfortable silence for a few moments before Arthur strayed back to the more disconcerting topic that had recently come to light.
"So... you're really a dragonlord?"
Merlin had already decided that it was time to tell Arthur about his dragonlord powers, so maybe, just maybe, he thought, since he's taking the dragonlord bit so well he is ready to find out about everything else.
But suddenly a jolt of nervousness shot through the warlock, which also resulted in him remembering Arthur had other things to do besides sitting there and listening to confessions all day.
"Oh! Would you look at the time!" Merlin said, practically jumping out of his seat. "I'd love to continue our chat, sire, but you have an important council meeting to attend!" Merlin caught the apple that was playfully tossed at his head and let out a nervous laugh.
Arthur stood and made his way to the door, but not without addressing his friend before leaving the room. He pretended to look menacing as he pointed his finger at his loyal friend who had earned the king's trust. "You have a lot of explaining to do when I get back, Merlin." And with that, Arthur exited his chambers with a good-natured smirk still on his face.
Merlin looked down at the apple and smiled. "Oh boy, do I." The warlock bit into the apple and went about finishing up his chores in the king's chambers.
Yes, I think he's ready.
A/N: This was supposed to be the ficlet for my newest chapter of You Know You're Obsessed With Merlin When, but it turned out to be much longer than I meant for it to be. I'll be updating that fic whenever I come up with a new (shorter) ficlet!
Thanks for reading and please review!
