Chapter 1:

They call me Deathtrap

AN: I know, I know, it's awful. Blocks upon blocks, Roblox in words. I get it. Don't worry, it gets better, I promise. I eventually learned how completely mind-numbing this was. Just ignore it, I promise it's great. Probably the only thing I've written that's officially 'Meh'.

So, away… we… GO, GO, GO!

Hargeon Port:

On a random bench in Hargeon sat a teenager, around six foot tall, roughly seventeen or so with spiky white hair and a red eye, what was odd about him was his attire, consisting of a black and yellow accented form fitting suit that looked like hardened magma, along with a pair of matching combat boots, over his left eye was a black eye patch, on his back were two straight short katanas made of obsidian, no hand guards with hand fitting grips, the blades were exposed because they were inside a small cross sheath. On his thighs were Uzis that could be easily drawn and holstered, going across the bottom of his back was a small pump action shotgun without a stock attached to a hardened magma belt that had multiple compartments, out of one of these compartments he pulled a cherry lollipop, he unwrapped it before sticking it in his mouth and getting up.

He wandered around before seeing a crowd of girls near-by, "The fuck is going on?" he asked no one, his voice slightly deep but with an odd twist of…. insanity, he wandered over and stuck his head in, spotting a pink haired kid with a blue cat talking to some other guy with a weird haircut and a cape, 'Isn't that my contract I'm bringing in alive?' he thought to himself, pushing his way through the crowd of love-struck girls. "Hey Bora, how's it going? You're coming with me." he smiled insanely at Bora, who was being called "Salamander" by the girls, "What? I'm not this Bora you speak of young man, I am the great Salamander." Bora proclaimed, striking a dumb pose, "And if you think you can take me, you're welcome to try." Bora said smugly, "Rather stupid thing to say to someone like me." the still unidentified white haired teen said calmly. "Oh, and who might you be exactly?" Bora asked, still smirking smugly, the pink haired boy was still on the ground, confused by the situation, the teen chuckled a little, "They call me Deathtrap." as soon as Bora heard the name he cowered in fear, "No, you couldn't be the famous mercenary Deathtrap!" Bora screamed in fear, the man now known as Deathtrap smiled wickedly, "Believe me or not you're coming with me friend." Deathtrap grabbed Bora by his throat, before he could do anything though the fan girls screamed and tackled him to the ground, beating the daylights out of him. "Ow, fuck, hey, stop, GAH!" Deathtrap spouted random curses as the girls beat on him, Bora fled on a Red Carpet and invited the girls to his yacht party, causing them to stop their onslaught and gave Deathtrap a chance to crawl away, "Those hypnotized bitches let our mark get away!" a higher pitched voice similar to his yelled in his head, "I know, shut up." Deathtrap growled, his injuries being a few bruises on his face that quickly healed back to his pale completion, "Hey, you alright?" a female voice asked, he looked up and found a blond girl ready to bust out of her top. "HOT DAMN, LOOK AT THEM TITS MAN!" "Hold on, do I really have to be perverted?" Deathtrap asked, time seemed to have frozen-

"Hello?" What? "Am I really gonna be perverted?" Yes, now shut the fuck up and don't break the fourth wall again, "Fine."

Back to reality Deathtrap nodded and stood up, "Yes I'm fine." Deathtrap brushed her off as he walked away, "Wow, rude." she spat, turning around and talking to the pink haired kid.

Later at night Deathtrap was looking out at the ocean, focused on how to get to the yacht, "I could cause an eruption and fling it back…." he pondered until he saw a massive title wave carrying the ship to port, "Aw shit." *CRASH, BOOM*

Natsu faced off with Bora the Explorer, err, Bora the Prominence, that is until they both noticed Deathtrap impaled on a metal rod, "Augh, damn, poor guy." Natsu said, saddened by the sight up until Deathtrap moved and cursed like a sailor, "Holy fucking shit trays, alright, gotta get off this damn motherfucking pole." He grabbed the pole and started pulling himself up, "Ow, hoo hoo, wow, ugh, that tickles, damn, uuuuurggggghhh, there we go!" he grinned as he got off the pole that was stuck in the ground. The hole in Deathtrap's abdomen quickly closed as did the suit, "Much better, now, what's happening?" he scanned the scene before him, Natsu and Bora looked at him horrified, "How…. Why? That defies logic!" Lucy yelled from the sidelines, Happy agreed with a small "Aye" Deathtrap looked around a bit more before leaning on the pole he was stuck on. "Go on, finish your fight." he waved and crossed his arms, "Umm…" Bora was speechless, Natsu recovered quickly and lit his fist on fire, "Fire Dragon's Iron Fist!" he sent Bora into the bell tower halfway across town, Deathtrap clapped rapidly and slapped Natsu on the shoulder, "Nice one Salmon Hair." Natsu stared at him wide eyed, "Of course it's salmon, what else would it be?" Deathtrap's ear twitched, as did Natsu's, he sniffed the air as Natsu dashed off and grabbed Lucy and Happy. "Which way to go… after them or towards the army? FUCK THAT SHIT, WAIT UP!" Deathtrap ran after the trio, faster than any person could physically go without magic, he caught up to them and slowed to their pace, "Where are we going?!" he yelled, catching their attention, "Fairy Tail!" Natsu yelled, laughing with Lucy as they ran down the road, Happy flying above them, Deathtrap shrugged and kept pace with them, sometimes running backwards to flip off the soldiers until they lost them, on their way to Magnolia…..

"Ohh, so this is Fairy Tail, I'll see what's inside, I have no idea why you would want me to join though…." Deathtrap trailed off, looking up at the building, "Just wait, you'll want to join." Natsu grinned and kicked the doors open, much to Deathtrap's delight, "I like your entran- Holy shit!" Deathtrap kicked a chair in half that was aimed for his head, "Find cover Lucy!" he shoved her behind a table, Natsu had joined the fight. "Holy crap, why is this happening?" Lucy asked herself, not expecting an answer, "This is normal." a voice said, to her right was a beautiful white haired blue eyed girl in a red dress, "Oh my god, it's Mirajane, in the flesh!" Lucy squealed in delight, shaking the girl's hands, "Yes, that's me, are you here to join?" Mirajane asked, smiling warmly, "Yes I am! It's so cool to meet you! Uhh, should we stop them?" Lucy questioned, peeking over at the situation. "No, the master should stop them soon." Mirajane told her, right then a massive man stomped down into the guild hall, "WILL YOU BRATS STOP IT?!" he bellowed, smashing Natsu with his foot before shrinking to a small orange wearing old man, "He's tiny!" Lucy exclaimed, coming out from behind cover with Mirajane, "There you are Master!" Mirajane said happily, "That's the master!?" Lucy shrieked, befuddled by the situation. "Ah, who do we have here, a new member?" the master wondered, looking at Lucy up and down, "Yes, I'm Lucy, I'd like to join your guild!" Lucy bowed, she felt something on her butt and saw the master's extended arm groping her butt, "You pervert!" she kicked him in the head, "Worth it…. Mira will get you your guild mark." he walked over and back flipped onto the railing above the bar, hitting his head before standing up. "Look at what you've done now! You kids blow all my money because of your recklessness, the council gets very angry with me!" Master yelled, shaking a bunch of papers in the air, "But I say to heck with those blowhards on the council! If we are held down by restrictions and rules then our magic will never grow, never prosper, that is why we do our best here and put fourth everything we've got, because that's what it means to be a Fairy Tail wizard!" he proclaimed, lighting the pages on fire for Natsu to consume, the guild cheered loudly.

Everyone quieted down at the rapid clapping above them, "Very inspiring Mr. Guild Master!" Deathtrap smiled stupidly from his position on the chandelier above them, still clapping he walked off the edge, falling to the ground, his feet hit the floor and his legs shattered, bone snapping sounds were heard as Deathtrap lay on his back, still clapping, his legs twisted and mangled under the suit. They all looked horrified at the scene before them, "Wait for it!" Natsu called, right then Deathtrap's legs repositioned and fixed themselves, he stopped clapping and jumped up onto his feet, "I'm liking this place already." he commented, the guild master approached the freakish man before them, "That was quite the spectacle my boy." he said calmly, raising a hand to him, "Makarov Dreyar, master of this guild." Makarov greeted, Deathtrap shook his hand. "I'm Zeke Hellvent, people like to call me Deathtrap though." Zeke grinned, Makarov rose a brow, "The famous mercenary that won't die?" "Yep, that'd be me." Zeke continued to grin as he looked around the guild hall, "Y'know, I thought of leaving as soon as Lucy over there made it here but, I think I might stay awhile." Zeke laughed, tossing around a grenade he pulled from nowhere, "Would you join the guild?" Makarov questioned, Zeke pondered for a moment. "Can I just stay for a while and then decide?" Zeke asked, the grenade nowhere to be found, "Sure, that's fine, I won't force you to join, please welcome Zeke Hellvent as a temporary guild member of Fairy Tail!" Makarov shouted, the guild cheered a little, "Don't forget Lucy!" he added, the guild cheered again, an explosion went off near an empty table, blowing it to smithereens, "Ohhhh, that's where my grenade went!" Zeke yelled, slapping his forehead. "Hey, that could've killed me you know!" a boxer wearing raven haired kid yelled, kicking away some debris, "If you want a fight I'm up for it!" he continued, the air around him getting cold, "Ok, can't promise your gonna come out unscathed." Zeke did multiple back flips out into the street, Gray followed him outside, "Get back here!"

Zeke faced off with Gray, only a few yards apart, the guild surrounding them, "You're going down Cyclops!" Gray taunted, Zeke sighed, hearing that insult thousands of times before, "Whatever Sapphire, on with it." Gray tilted his head, "Sapphire?" "Yeah, isn't that your stage name when you strip?" Zeke laughed at Gray's enraged face, "LAUGH THIS UP, ICE-MAKE LANCE!" Gray slammed his fist into his palm and fired off lances at Zeke, he took the hits and slammed into the ground. "Have a snappy comment for that?" Zeke stood up, mostly unscathed, "Not really, unless that was a pointy dildo barrage." Zeke casually brushed himself off, "You asshole, Ice-Make Floor!" the ground was turned to ice, "OOOHHH, are we ice skating?" Zeke asked, ice skating blades coming out from the bottom of his boots as he slid around, "Ice-Make Hammer!" Gray dropped a massive hammer on Zeke, "Damn, that's a big-" He never finished that comment as the hammer crushed him, blood spattered all over the ice around the hammer as it burst into fog, what was left of Zeke was a blood splatter and his one foot that didn't get crushed, "Holy shit, I killed him…." Gray fell to his knees, "I thought he would block it at least…." "Fuckin' A, that hurt!" Zeke yelled, standing up, suit and everything, he coughed a little and cracked his shoulder, "HOW ARE YOU ALIVE?" Gray screamed, his face horrified by what just happened. "What? I've been blown to bits before and came back, don't freak out, it happens." Zeke waved him off, making sure his body worked before smiling insanely at him, "My turn buddy." Gray shook off his shock and readied himself for anything Zeke might throw, what he was not expecting was a live grenade, "Hot potato!" Zeke yelled, Gray threw it back, "I don't want it!" he shouted, Zeke caught it, "Aww, you're no-" *BOOOM* He didn't finish that sentence either when the grenade went off, blowing him to bits, the smoke stayed for awhile, then it was blown away by the wind, revealing Zeke who was missing his right leg, "Oi, Natsu, mind tossing me my leg?" Zeke pointed at the leg by Natsu's feet, "Yeah." Natsu picked it up and tossed it to him, Zeke stuck his leg on and it reattached itself, fixing the suit too, "What the hell did I just witness?" Gray gaped, his mind unable to comprehend what was happening. "That is the power of the immortal Deathtrap, one of the craziest sons of bitches on this great Earthland!" Zeke laughed madly, Gray was still confused, "But, no one is really immortal…" "Yes, you're right but, only I know how to kill me!" Zeke continued to laugh, "See how pointless it is to waste magic on me?" he kept laughing, "But your stamina is mortal." Gray smirked, thinking he had a winning card, nope, "Hahahaha, I've been hurt so much that pain is the thing I feel the least!" he laughed again, Gray decided to fight anyway, "Ice-Make Geyser!" Gray slammed his hands on the ground, the ice tower launching Zeke into the air. "WEEEEEEEEEE!" Zeke cheered like a child as he flew in the air, he hit the ground with a sickening crack, his neck bent at an unhealthy angle, he was still talking though, "Damn, this ice is tough, time to melt it!" Zeke got up and snapped his neck into place and slammed his hand on the ground, "Magma Eruption!" the ground shook before the ice melted and exploded, magma flew into the air, Gray hid behind his shield that wasn't even near the eruption, when it calmed down the area was bathed in lava, slowly hardening as Zeke stepped on it, his foot sinking into the molten material. "Not only have I been granted immortality, but I was trained to wield magma magic, ahem, let me rephrase that, Magma Dragon Slaying Magic." Zeke grinned madly, his arms literally turning into magma as he sprayed it around, the guild was gaping at the fact he was a dragon slayer, "You're a dragon slayer!?" Natsu shouted, running across the hot rock, "Yes I am, I noticed you're the Fire Dragon Slayer. Taught by a real dragon, no?" Zeke questioned, his arms returning to normal. "Yeah, you too huh, do you know where the dragons went?" Natsu asked, hopeful of finding his father, "No, I don't sadly." Zeke looked at the ground, "What was his name, mine was Igneel." Natsu said, "Hellvinard, the magma dragon." Zeke sighed, "Are you done fighting with Gray?" Makarov called from the sidelines, "Yeah, I am!" Zeke grinned, the magma around him returning into the ground and fixing the hole the same way it was, "Well, what are we waiting for? LET'S PARTY!" "YEAH!"

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, this character's going to be so much fun, he's like Deadpool and Deathstroke combined, but with magic, tell me what you think!

I took down the Silver Jedi mostly because I personally didn't like the story, I don't know, I thought the Force was over kill combined with a fucking Iron Man suit.

See you next time with more Deathtrap!

Yep, see you later, can't wait to show off!

Me: Deathtrap, why are you breaking the fourth wall?

Deathtrap: Because I can, why not?

Me: Just don't do it in the middle of the story, it's hard enough to write without your bullshit!

Deathtrap: No promises, Hehehehe ahehehe!

Me: You little shit.