My fingers shook as I dropped the needle to the floor and my head lolled back on the couch. This was what I had been waiting for; this was the sweet release that had eluded me for so long. It took me away from everything that haunted me: the nightmares, the guilt, the shame. One quick prick of the needle and I was gone. It didn't matter that when I woke up nothing would be changed and the shame would only grow. All that mattered was the here and now. Visions of my childhood flashed before me, melting and swirling away in a flash of vibrant colors to present me with a reality that was neither real nor attainable. The high didn't last long enough however and I soon found myself shooting up more often in larger doses. Soon I would be out and I would have to hit the streets. No dealer had this unique combination of drugs but I was confident in my ability to get the materials I needed and create my own cocktail. As I was scrabbling for the small vial some tiny voice in my head tried to remind me how wrong this was. It was easier to push it aside as time passed. I spent hours, maybe days, maybe more, in that state. The only thing that I remember is a concerned voice calling my name, large, callused hands gently cupping my face, and warm brown eyes looking down at me filled with fear. I frowned and shifted. He should never be afraid. I tried to lift a hand out to him, tried to say his name. "Derek," I muttered, hardly audible. Strong arms wrapped around me and I felt myself float into the air. One word flitted through my mind as I let my head drop back and I succumbed to the gray hues that threatened to overtake my vision. Safe.
