I was bored so I decided to write this. Tell me what u think. (R&R, e-mail address JMFreader@aol.com)

I'm Not Gonna Cry

Fighting alone again. What else? Always fighting, for the future, for my friends, for the world, for my family, for peace, love, and justice...for him, but never for me. I've faced demons, aliens, humans and fear. I'm not allowed to give up, to much is resting on this, always resting on me, I have to be the strong one to stand alone when everyone else cannot be.

Why?

Why do I let them do this to me?

Or do I do it to myself?

I won't hang my head, I won't back down. I'm the one to face suffering always, and I'm the one who they depend on. I can't let them fight without me, even if they've sworn to protect me. I won't let them get hurt on my account.

I love them too much.

So I'll face whatever comes my way strongly and then forget anything ever happened.

But I hate it. Why can't I curl away and let it all disappear? Why do they want to destroy my life and why do I have to stop them? Why don't they understand?

I've killed.

I've seen deaths.

I've been killed.

And my destiny is set out for me, that is my eternity. Death. If I back down on one battle I back down on the world. So I'll keep on fighting for the ones that I hold to my heart, and I won't think or feel. I'll fight, but I'm not gonna cry.

Let them take me away, so I can forget it all. The words and sentences, numbers and equations, chemicals and formulas, if I focus hard enough they are all that's there and the world disappears.

I don't need to think about the fact that I am weak.

I don't need to look around and notice that my father isn't here.

I don't need to consider that my mother doesn't care.

I don't need to face it if I just keep my head in my book. I can smile my life away, because nobody cares. Down the hall and through the crowds of heads that never turn my way, I can walk and not be seen.

Why did she have to find me? Why did she disturb my loneliness? I had become numb, but she reawakened my wounds. I hadn't noticed I was alone, but now I can feel it with every breath, because having her here told me that no one else was around.

Why can't she just leave me alone?

And why won't I let her go?

Can I be human enough to need a friend like her? I promised myself when he left me I would stay alone, and I thought then that that was exactly what I wanted. Could I have been wrong?

I am alone, unless she's here.

My life is a constant reminder that I don't belong. I don't belong in the world I defend, but I feel so useless. She gives me too much credit. I have no choice but to face it alone.

I will stay alone.

I will continue fighting.

I will protect her and she will leave both fixed and broken.

I will not see my father again and my mother will always be distant.

Loneliness is a way of life, and no matter how much I want to, I'm not gonna cry.

I hate. I hate the world around me. I work hard and I live strong. That's me, the loner who everybody fears, but nobody understands.

Why did she have to come here and respect me, and love me and worry about me? Why did I have to find out my real destiny?

War. That is what I am, and what I represent. I can no longer be the peaceful priestess, who minds her own business, because the safety of the world is my business. I don't understand why I had to be the one with this fate.

War. The war within my heart. I am the politically correct, always distant, always logical, robot who does everything by duty and necessity. I am not lazy, I am not clumsy, and I am not what I appear to be.

I am human.

I am weaker than I appear.

She is strong. And I want to be her, and I want to have that love for all. But I hate, I hate them and they hate me back and the entire world is against me while I protect them. I will face it all, day to day, and I'm not gonna cry.

^^ - I might go on with the rest of the scouts but for now this is it. The first three senshi. I hope you like, but if you don't oh well. (I thought of this while listening to "Bring on the Rain" by Jo Dee Messina)