Wikus looked out the window dramatically, staring at the grass.

"I hate you, grass," said Wikus, "go away."

The grass obeyed and left his presence. Wikus looked dramatically out the other window. He felt there was no one in the world that would ever be worth his love. Used to, he was a very dumb whore, but when he listened to Jesse McCartney's song on the radio, he knew love was nothing to waste.
He went into the secretary's office. ''Hello secretary,'' Wikus said. The secretary looked up annoyed as she was too busy playing the most intense game of minesweeper ever imaginable.
''HEY BABY WHATS GOIN DOWN,'' she said full of loathing and hate.

She then exploded.

I don't know why but she did.

Then Wikus wondered about love some more. "I wonder about love,'' he wondered,''when will anyone e--!11" he shrieked.

He looked out the window and saw that grass was back. Grass was holding up a radio. "BABY COME BACK YOU CAN BLAME IT ALL ON ME."

Grass was singing with tears flooding down his eyes. Wikus sighed dramatically. He turned on TV and heard singing. ''HIROGARU YAMI NO NAKA KAWASHIATTA KAKUMEI NO CHIGIRI.'' He looked at the TV and then saw what looked like an alien by the name of Christopher Johnson. He wasn't sure if it was an alien or not, but it certainly isn't human, because humans cannot focus such intense love into mere words. They instead break dance. Break dancing is cool.

Christopher's words touched Wikus, because he has Google Translator installed into his brain.
He vowed he would find this romantic beast and wouldn't stop ever ever never forever whenever.

"HELLO YOU MAGNIFICENT STUD," Wikus said to his TV, "YOU MAKE MY NIPPLES HARD BECAUSE OF YOUR COLD APPEARANCE BUT I KNOW THERE IS MORE TO YOU THAN MEETS THE EYE."

Christopher looked him dead in the eye and Wikus felt his heart melt within his ribcage, a prison for HIS SOUL THAT WANTED TO BE INTERTWINED WITH THIS GLORIOUS PRODUCT OF AN UNKNOWN DEITY'S VAGINA. Christopher spoke his soul stiffening words,

"LOOLELELE LAR LEE DERP HURR"

Wikus couldn't handle it and had a heart attack. It was too overwhelming.

to be continued on chapter 2.