A/N: I think I screwed it even more...


"I'll never forget how I felt the first time I saw her" as Mr. Schue sighed and looked at his four young students, Santana couldn't help but glance briefly at Rachel, just to find the smaller girl's soft brown eyes looking right back at hers. They held the gaze for longer that they would like before Rachel broke their staring contest, glad that nobody had seem to pay attention to it.

"I…I think we've got this one covered…" Rachel stuttered, her heart beating so fast that she was afraid the others would hear it thumping in her chest.

The four girls left the teacher's room after Rachel told him to meet them at the auditorium the next day. The diva turned around to look at her friends as soon as they were away from earshot.

"Ok, I have the perfect song! Actually, I was planning on singing it to Finn during one of our Glee meetings, but this is a special occasion and I'm certainly that this song is the perfect match for what Mr. Schue has in mind. So, listen to this and tomorrow, let's meet at the auditorium an hour earlier from when we told Mr. Schue, so I can show you which parts I divided for each one of us, and practice a little, because even if this a improvised performance, there is no need to slack. So, this being said, I expect everyone here on time." Rachel blurted everything, handing some music sheets to the three girls, her eyes focused only on Mercedes and Tina, blatantly ignoring the cheerleader. As soon as she finished, Rachel turned around, and left, not really on of the diva storm off, but in a hurried pace. As she walked down the aisle, she could feel a pair of eyes burning her back, and she didn't need to look back to know who it belonged to.

"The first time, I ever saw your face, I thought the sun rose in your arms" as soon as Rachel sang those first words, she felt a tear sliding down her cheek. She knew why she was crying. She really wanted to think about Finn, but the more she tried to imagine his brown eyes and goofy smile, her mind would come up with raven tresses, coffee brown eyes, and an endearing devilish smirk that made her legs tremble, and her breathless.

She remembered the first time she saw Santana, not when they were both just out of diapers and starting kindergarten. No, it was the first time she saw the real Santana. It was just after Finn had left her alone when they went out to buy a Christmas tree together. As she walked home in the snow, her body shivering, a black car stopped by her side and a nonchalant Santana told her to get her fuck ass inside the car. Rachel thought about refusing the offer, who knew what the crude cheerleader would do with her, but it was getting colder and colder, and her fingers were freezing. Also, she reasoned that Santana wouldn't kill her as they still needed her talent to win Regionals. She quickly got inside the car and she hadn't even fastened the seat belt before Santana was speeding away.

The ride back to Rachel's house was made in an uncomfortable silence, just broken by Santana when she asked what he fucking she was doing outside in this weather. Rachel explained what happened and the cheerleader just mumbled a few inappropriate names that Rachel was pretty sure were directed to Finn. After that nobody said anything else. When Santana pulled outside Rachel's house, she thanked the other girl and Santana just shrugged and told the Glee club would kill her if she let Rachel turn into a Hobbit Popsicle. For some reason Rachel didn't feel offended, and actually smiled. She gathered some courage and offered some hot chocolate. Santana was more shrugged, she would never let hot chocolate pass.

And what was only a hot chocolate became a movie marathon, as Santana was surprised to find out that Rachel actually had the special edition of Harry Potter movies, and she demanded they watched it as she saw the Berry's killer movie system. So they spent the next hours silently bonding over Harry Potter and popcorn. And in a particularly funny scene, Santana's laugh resonated around the room, and Rachel was captivated by such beautiful sound. She wished she could see Santana laughing and smiling more.

Rachel thought this was the last time she would have any real civilization interaction with the girl, but what was her surprise when Santana knocked on her door the next day and dragged her to some ice skating in Columbus. Later Rachel would find out that Santana didn't have anyone to hang out during the holidays as Quinn and Brittany was busy with their boyfriends. Rachel didn't mind as she knew how it was felling lonely and having no friends, and soon Santana stopped hanging around with her because she was lonely, but because she actually enjoyed the hobbit company.

It wasn't until Valentine's Day and after that stupid, Santana's words, Gay Warbler party that Santana confessed to Rachel what happened with Brittany, but how it didn't hurt that much anymore. That was when Santana kissed her. Rachel was surprised at first, but she didn't find it strange. She actually liked it a lot and returned the kiss. After that, they kept seeing each other, agreeing on a non-serious fling. They dated in secret until Nationals when Finn kissed her on the stage. At this point, Rachel didn't know what to do. She really liked Santana, but she has waited for Finn for so long, she just couldn't let the opportunity pass.

After the rest of the Glee Club calmed Santana down, when she tried to lung at both Finn and Rachel for losing them the tittle – Rachel knew it was more than that, and actually the cheerleader was aiming more at Finn that her – Rachel led Santana to a private place and they talked. Both agreed to finish things between them because Rachel revealed she wanted to see how things went with Finn, and Santana actually said Brittany had approached her and wanted to try again. It was the last time they talked to each other. There wasn't one day that she didn't think about what would have happened if she had stayed with Santana.

As Rachel finished her part, she bit her bottom lip and closed her eyes waiting for Santana's voice to fill the auditorium, knowing what memories her words would bring.

"And the first time ever I lay with you, I felt your heart so close to mine" Santana sang as she controlled herself not to cry. Rachel by any means was ready to give her virginity, but they had just had their first intense make out session, and both were gasping as they tried to control their breathing. As they lay side by side, staring at each other, their bodies close, their legs intertwined, Santana raised her hand and softly stroked Rachel's cheek. As Rachel nuzzled her hand, Santana finally realized she felt more than a simple fling for the small girl. And she knew Rachel felt the same, as her eyes reflected her own. But both were too scared to do anything. Both were too scared to let their heart break once more.

As soon as the song ended, Mercedes got up and left without explanation. Rachel, Santana, and Tina looked at each other, and without saying anything followed their friend to the bathroom. Rachel was the last one to enter the bathroom and was able to hear only the last part of what Mercedes was saying, and those words hit her heart like they were her own.

"I think you just need to take it slow, okay?" Rachel found herself saying before she could stop herself "And listen to your heart" maybe Mercedes could do what she just didn't have the courage "And maybe the sparkle with Sam is still there." Rachel finished just as the bell rang.

Mercedes gave the small girl a tearing smile, and left the room with Tina, leaving her with Santana. Rachel looked down and step back, reaching for the door so she could leave, but a soft hand gently held her elbow, slowing making her turn away. As she raised her head, she was met with Santana's intense stare.

"Santana…"

"Rachel, you and I know that Mercedes wasn't the only one thinking about other people."

"Santana, please, not now."

"And when? Rachel, I can't stop thinking about you, about us!"

"Santana, we both agreed that as soon as we left New York, we would go our separated ways. We finally have the ones we've always wanted."

"And that was the most stupid thing I've ever agreed to! I want you, Rachel. And I know you want me too. I see the way you look at me because it's the same way I look at you. You can't deny it." Santana begged, and in an impulse, she pulled Rachel against her body, their lips crashing.

Rachel immediately closed her eyes as she felt those soft lips covering hers, and kissed back with the same ferocity as Santana kissed her. She didn't know how much she missed them until she got that incredible feeling again, Santana's taste invading her mouth. She raised her arms and wrapped them around the cheerleader's neck, pulling her door a little, just wanting to feel her closer.

Santana's hands slid down Rachel's back and sides, fingers all spread, wanting to touch her, feel her, memorize her body, until they hit the singer's lower back. Santana fisted her hands, bunching the black material of Rachel's dress in her grip, pushing their lower bodies together, drawing a delicious moan from the girl in her arms. Santana tore her mouth from Rachel's, her teeth nipping her bottom lip, pulling it a little before releasing it, and kissed Rachel's jaw to her neck, kissing down the soft skin, nipping at her collarbone and moving up again, planting mouth open kisses all over Rachel's sensitive neck.

Rachel moaned louder, her head falling back to give more space to Santana's talented lips and tongue. She tangled her hands into the dark tresses, loving feeling it silkiness between her fingers. She had always loved Santana's hair when it was down. It was so shine and soft to the touch, Rachel would spend hours just running her fingers through it, massaging her scalp as Santana lay down on her bed, head on her stomach as they watched TV.

The cheerleader dragged her plump lips up to Rachel's ear, nipping her earlobe, drawing a shiver from the smaller girl as she felt goosebumps all over her body. Santana kept kissing and nibbling on her ear before whispering huskily:

"You have no idea how it kills me to see you with the Giant Green Bean. I just want to push his troll hands from you. He doesn't deserve to touch you…" Santana whispered, her hands possessively gripping a tiny waist.

As soon as she heard Santana talking about Finn, something in her snapped and she came down from her euphoric place. She opened her eyes, and pushed Santana back, even if her body and heart resisted. This was wrong, they just couldn't keep this going any further.

"No, Santana" the singer was finally able to pull back completely, and she stepped back until her body hit the sink. Bringing her hand to her heart, and breathing fast, Rachel tried to calm herself down. She looked at Santana and saw the girl watching her with confused and somewhat frustrated eyes.

"What the f…?"

"I have a boyfriend! You have a girlfriend, Santana!"

"Brittany is not my girlfriend. We just hook up, but she… she knows I like someone, and she is okay… I'm crazy about you, Rachel." Santana answered back, not liking where the conversation was going.

"I… I can't hurt Finn… I can't break his heart…" Rachel pleaded to Santana to understand.

"But you can break mine?" Santana asked, tears now falling from her eyes and it broke Rachel's heart to see the usually so tough girl this vulnerable.

"I… I…" Rachel just didn't know what to say. She wanted to be with Santana, but as she imagined how Finn would react, she just couldn't do that with the tall boy. He was her first love and friend, she just couldn't hurt him like that, even if it means hurting herself and the one she loved.

"Follow your own advice, Rachel. Listen to your heart. I know it is calling my name." Santana's voice was so small, almost unrecognized, as her eyes begged silently to the other girl to choose her.

"I… I can't… I'm sorry… I just can't…" Rachel sobbed as she shook her head and left a distressed Santana alone in the bathroom.

As she run though the empty school halls, the only sounds being her sobs and her heels hitting the floor, she could hear an angst cry followed by the sound of glass breaking.