day 19
boss comes in and says we have a new assignment
we're going to assassinate the president of Russia
"Anon can you hack her and find us a way in?"
shit
google "President of Russia schedule" while wearing my serious face
"hmm ... says here she'll be inspecting the Bore munitions factory tomorrow."
she looks at me
"Very well."
time to google where the Bore factory is
day 20
attacking the Bore munitions factory
turns out it's a hardened military facility filled with guards
oops
everything about it is classified but I can see the rough layout on Google Maps
boss tells me to make sure the target is here
"oh, she's here all right"
military killing machines start sneaking in, killing guards as they go
doing pointless backflips and shit
I'm just wandering in the front door hiding behind a hologram
hope nobody spots me on the security camera
wander over to a console some guy was using
thank god they're already logged in
check the security camera and my teammates are totally obvious but I guess the security guy is on a coffee break
suddenly I hear a voice on the comm
"Anon. The door."
Murderface is standing in front of a door surrounded by bodies
suddenly realize he has no idea how to open it
neither do I
press buttons until the door moves but it only opens a crack
"Anon..."
play it off as a joke
suddenly realize the button is a slider and I need to move it to the top to open the door
I open it bit to make it look like I'm playing with him
he uses his crazy nanotech enhancements to slide through the door before it's even open
he could clearly have done that at any time
dude could have flown over it
I guess he was too lazy
my one job accomplished, I start flicking through security feeds
I figure killface will go kill the president and we'll be on our way
mfw I see the room he's in
it's full of turrets covering every angle
he could easily have been killed the instant I opened that stupid door but wasn't for some reason
guess the turrets don't recognize him as human
tell him I've hacked the turrets
boss lady starts bitching about how long she'll have to wait in the snow with her sniper rifle
bitch it's not my fault you wore a backless bodysuit
we're attacking Russia in the winter wear a coat
suddenly the president walks right by my console
"Incoming, uh, right now."
president starts giving a speech about how great their weapons are and stuff
one of them is pointing a gun right at her face
powering it up
no idea why though. I didn't hack it. maybe he's murdering the president too
start poking around, see the files on the mechs. Maybe I *can* control them?
mfw just a bunch of political BS about how nobody can know they got this tech from a spy with the enemy or whatever
download it anyway
DOOT DOOT DOOT
Unauthorized access alarm
oh shit oh shit
sniper takes that as her cue to attack and starts firing wildly
Guncrotch Mc Bulletmash takes that as his cue to attack and starts firing wildly
huge mech battle erupts between bulletface and the mech suit
president sheparded into the lift by guards
I'm cowering in the corner as bullets fly everywhere
mech is kicking gunmouth's ass
"Anon I'm cut off! You must kill the President"
I'm in the same fucking room as you
whatever
"Uh ... sure! She's getting away!"
go find an elevator so I can follow her.
put on a cool circuit board hologram of what I imagine hacking looks like
if doompants looks at me I'll look cool
he doesn't
elevator is attached to the wrong gantry
gotta jump over to where she is
just barely make it and pull myself up. Pretty proud I chased down the target where deathkiller failed
everyone stares at me
guards run over
maybe the glowing hacking circuitry was a mistake
shit shit guards! I throw a teleport grenade at them
NOTHING HAPPENS
must have configured it wrong
guards literally burst out laughing
fuckers
while they're laughing I draw my pistol and shoot them
who's laughing now
suddenly the mech shoots a giant laser at me from below
guess murderface wasn't doing a great job keeping it busy
cuts right through the gantry
falling
circuit hologram is still projecting on everything I pass
manage to land on another mech, it's moving to grab me or something
manage to jump off
GUARDS
EVERYWHERE
turn on my invisibility and hide in the corner
they leave
sneak upstairs
president is going into a room!
follow her
maybe I can complete the mission after all
I'm in her room hidden in the corner
try to shoot the guard
I'm out of fucking bullets
I guess I used the whole clip shooting those guys from earlier
fuck
sneak over to one of the guards and try to steal his pistol
hologram disintegrates
Everyone kind of freezes for a moment
I grab his gun and shoot guard #2
guard #1 grabs it back but I manage to pull the trigger and shoot him while we're wrestling
hold down the trigger and it stops firing
out of ammo
these things use up ammo fast
he must have spares somewhere but I have no idea where he'd keep them
honestly I have no idea how to reload a gun
pointing my gun at the President of Russia
my empty gun
start bullshitting like crazy
"I'm not gonna kill you lol I'm the one who set off the alarm"
"what would happen if the people of Russia found out their defender against the Omnics ... was actually getting her tech from the enemy?"
pull up the video from earlier
she buys it
"what do you want?"
fuck
what do I want?
just vaguely imply she'd better do me a favour in the future
looking at my screen I notice the teleportation grenade from earlier
I forgot to hit the "on" key
motherfucker
guards suddenly start prying the blast door open
"I'll ... uh ... be in touch."
teleport away
tell the boss I chased her but she got away
I'll just have to hope the President doesn't tell anybody I "blackmailed" her into nothing
