Chapter: I've got that poison, that poison on my mind.

Words: 2000 +.

Spoilers: Basically everything in season one of both shows, this might change though.

Disclaimer: Glee characters belong to Fox, Gossip Girl characters belong to the CW.

Author Ramble at the end.


Eric van der Woodsen really shouldn't be thinking about this right now.

In the highly praised and appraised Scandals Day restaurant which was basically a real life Grindr, where most homosexuals spent their time flirting or hoping to be checked out by the politicians who so conveniently, checked in to the Empire Hotel right a block away.

Anyway.

He shouldn't be thinking of Klaine in this way.

gossip girl started calling them Klaine when they first got together, they were such a fabolous couple and so inseparable that gossip girl had to say that she won't be surprised if they were lesbian princesses in their last lives.

He really shouldn't be thinking of an incredibly sexy threesome with name calling and touching and oooh-

His body fucking tingled.

They sat directly in front of him with Kurt's ohsosexy signature eyebrow frown-smile-pout thing and Blaine's easygoing non-flammable-gay smile.

But damn they were hot, to make a long story short Kurt and Blaine took an innocent Eric to mentor after he came,no wait was thrown out of the closet by gossip girl.

At least on the bright side, people stopped believing he was gossip girl.

But damn they were hot.

He was lucky he lived in New York and in New York being gay was just like drinking Moet by breakfast, people raised eyebrows but left you alone in the long run.

He was lucky he didn't live in Ohio.

At least that was what Kurt said.

Apparently Kurt lived there until the sixth grade, his sexuality already known to all by the third after endless bullying his father finally decided to move him to the promised gay's land.

New York City.

'You simply have to wear less shouting colours Blaine, you cause traffic and not in the way you should', Kurt said with affection to well, Blaine.

Kurt and Blaine were either two things:

On again

Fucking

Them taking a break was basically them not calling each other pet names while out together.

But they oozed chemistry and of course sexual frustration.

'Kurt, you of all people know how I like how the colours highlight my best features.'

'He isn't the only one.' thought Eric.

Kurt turned a bit red. 'Believe me, I do.' he purred.

'Eric, why so quiet? You haven't even had a sip of your latte. That's highly unlike you.' Kurt gave him a questioning look.

'I was um, thinkingaboutschool ?'

Do I actually expect them to believe that?

'Liar, you were thinking about a guy weren't you?' Kurt accused him.

'You have a crush on someone in your school?' Blaine asked.

'Guy? Crush? Me? Pfft, Nooooo.'

I,actually have a very deep desire for the both of you, in my bed with silk sheets and lots of champagne.

'Cut the crap van der Woodsen, you and Serena do the exact same thing when you lie, you start touching your ears, its why she hasn't been able to pull one on me in years.'

'Or better yet do you have a crush on someone in Dalton? Sorry but Jeff is straight,believe me.' Blaine said with a bit of sadness.

'Jeff, Blaine? Really? He looks like he died his hair with lemonade!' Kurt seemed stung.

Before Blaine could reply both of them got texts on their iPhones.

'Blair'

'Rachel'

Blair and Rachel were Kurt and Blaine's best bitches.

Like, you know how there is best gay?

Klaine and Eric made best bitch. (Or maybe Klairic?)

'Its highly offensive for them to classify us as their best gay, we should use something too, something that will bite.' Kurt complained.

'What about best girl? That has a sudden hooker ring to it?' Blaine suggested.

'That won't hurt half as much, were talking about Blair Waldorf here-

'And Rachel Berry.'

Kurt ignored him.

'We need something provoking but incredibly accurate-'

'What about best bitch?' Eric had listened to them endlessly talk about how mean the best gay statement honestly wouldn't care but stuff like that seemed to really bother Kurt and Blaine just seemed to like making Kurt happy.

Blaine and Kurt processed it.

'It's brilliant.'

'And has a surprising honesty to it.'

'You're a genius E!' Blaine said with a smile as Kurt gave an approving nod.

Eric spent the entire day happy.

'You should start calling Jenny that.'

Kurt gave a snap for the waiter to get their food, Blaine winced at the princess-y air.

'I mean she's already a bitch, why can't she be your best?' Kurt spoke with some contempt.

Kurt and Jenny were constantly at each other's throats, fashion being their lives, cutting competition as well and Eleanor both being their mentor didn't help matters either.

Both had very promising careers by the looks of it.

The wide-eyed blonde babe from Brooklyn and the gay fashionable upper east side boy.

E:True Hollywood Stories in the making.

'I don't think I'm well Klaine enough to do it yet.'

'Ridiculous, you're amazing E'

You know what else will be amazing? You on a desk, or better in a library as Kurt the librarian checks our cards, we of course check out the Hummel selection.

'Of course Eric is incredible, we mentor him.' Kurt said with a genuine smile on his face.

'And don't think we will forget about your crush dear Eric.' Blaine said with his non-flammable smile.

'Yes, we will find him and your V-card will be check into Been Fucked Land.'

'Kurt!' Blaine said with shock while Eric blushed.

Yes though he thought like an S&M worker he was still a v-vir-

virgin.

Why can't you guys just take it yourselves? The V-card could be swiped by Kurt the librarian and Blaine the Nightbird.

'What? Anyway I'll see both of you later, I need to meet B on the steps, Tata Eric, kisses Blaine.' And just like that Kurt Hummel was gone.

'I need to fly as well.'

Nightbird wants to fly? He could do a Superman on me, anytime he wants...

'See you E'

And Blaine was gone.

Taking a deep breath, Eric was going to be very late for school, because he was going to have to go home and have a very long and cold shower.


Kitty was spent and sore and damn,

Talk about it being so good being bad.

The guy on the other side was a very aristocrat calm to Kitty's very opposite bothered and hot.

'You know Santana doesn't actually love you.' She said with a smirk. Her blonde hair looking very much like sex and S&M even though it was surprisingly vanilla.

Not like there wasn't any good vanillas left.

'Pretty little Kitty when would she understand?' he thought.

'I'm very much aware of Santana's feelings, so I'm sorry to say your little plan to make me heartbroken won't have your desired effects.'

Kitty didn't want to be in shock, I mean she was having a very bad week, starting with gossip girl talking about her affair with a politician's son to this, all she wanted was a quick fuck and maybe a little smack down.

Because making others miserable always made Kitty Wilde feel better.

'And you know this how?' She started putting back own her underwear.

'Ma chere, Kitty, don't you get it?' He paused for a moment letting the rhetorical question sink in. ' I'm Chuck Bass.'

Chuck Bass and Santana Lopez were a very odd couple to put it in the politest way. Fuck each other and fuck others, go to events together but leave with someone else, haven't used a darling or a sweetheart since well, never.

Chuck Bass and Santana Lopez were together not because of usual reasons why people are together.

No, Chuck was always matched up with idiots,girls who never challenged him enough.

Santana was smart, biting, honest, manipulative and a quality that was quite ironic: loyal.

Not loyal like stay-with-only-you-Bass loyal, more like if you-talk-about-Chuck-like-that-I'll-harm-you loyal.

Chuck and Santana were best friends basically. They were very fond of each other and knew the other one was cheating but didn't really care. They always had each other's backs anyway and their opinions were either very similar or incredibly different which always ended in an interesting fuck.

This morning they were even talking about Blairchel rivalry that had been going on since they were kids.

'The most hilarious thing is that they're basically the same except of course Berry's nose of Hermanshncap or whatever hobbit Jews call it.'

'What's more hilarious is you being racist when you wanted to get that Schuester teacher fired for his Spanish stereotypes,' Chuck said with his debonair behaviour.

'That's different Bass.'

Chuck started to doing his ridiculous smirking.

'Bite me.' Santana said in frustration.

'I thought you liked whips better?' Chuck's smirk was more teasing than before.

'Of course I do, and Bass and don't forget my parents want to meet you again wear you best Ralph and your fakest good boy smile, let's at least try and make them believe the rumors aren't true..' Santana ruffled his hair to annoy him and walked out the door.

'You should be on your way to school Kitty,and how's your Justin Beiber? Is he aware your even here?'

'Are you blackmailing me Chuck?'

'No, I just like to see you squirm, your color is outstanding when you do.'

'He isn't even my boyfriend.'

Kitty did like Ryder, not matter how hard she bitched, and Ryder did like Kitty even though she was a bitch.

'But you'd like him to be and it wouldn't have made you squirm if you didn't feel guilty.'

'Fuck, you Bass.'

'You already did , now get your stuff out and have a nice day Kitty Cat.'


Five minutes away from school and Kurt got another text from Blair.

Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, how dare you be late? On the first day of school? When you knew I'll have to ask you for advice on my accessories!

Kurt replied:

If you're still going with the outfit that we planned then Versace bag with red headband, you could always ask Serena, I'm not your personal bitch okay?

Another text followed.

I am, and you're right the Versace is better but blue headband instead, Serena is also late, no I'm your bitch and your my gay ;).

Kurt laughed.


'Rachel can't speak know she's trying to save her voice', piped one of the hanger-ons.

Rachel gave Blaine a nod. She got out her notebook with gold stars on the cover and wrote him something then got another hanger on to give him.

You're late, I needed you to know what I should sing for my audition for Maria in WSS. Even though this will probably be my fourth time playing her on Madame Concoran Junior Broadway show, you should be Tony again, since Finn is now so stuck up Vanessa's ass.

Blaine chuckled.

'I thought you were okay with Finnessa?'

Another hand written note was given to him.

Blaine and Rachel didn't really care if the hanger-ons knew what they were talking were harmless and to afraid of Rachel and of course, Quinn to do any real damage.

Finnessa? Sounds like an ugly stepsister name, and of course I'm fine I was thinking about someone knew. Maybe Archibald? Or better Baizen?

This time Blaine sent back a note he wrote on the back of the one Rachel gave him.

No way on Baizen, do you know how much Blair will freak if you actually go out with Nate?

He gave her back the note.

'Killing two birds with one stone.' Rachel's clear strong voice said back to him. 'The thirty minutes of saving voice are over.' She answered the question he was thinking. 'I've decided on Archibald thanks to you Blaine, now where's Quinn so she can get me a way of having some good time with her cousin.?'

Speak your mind and you'll be heard, beautiful Quinn with her graceful blonde locks and preppy pretty uniform.

Quinn was perfection.

Her face was angry.

'Guess what I just read on gossip girl.'

And just like that everyone's phones beeped.

Back to school we go, you people were so naughty in the summer, I'm almost disappointed but instead of telling you the news of sun let's talk about the now. Serena van der Woodsen, one of our favorite blondes was spotted leaving Brooklyn outside of not Dan but Puckerman's. Oh no what's Quinnie going to think when she sees S with her baby daddy?

-gossip girl xoxo


First chapter!

I know this should be in crossovers but to be honest no one really checks the crossover section and since gossip girl is finished I thought it was best to put it here in the fabulous Glee archive.

I decided it would be cool to name the chapters after lyrics, books or movies because gossip girl is pop culture at the end of the day.

So the name of this chapter is a lyric from Poison by Nicole Scherzinger.

And I'm gossip girl xD, just to let you know.

And on a completely unrelated but totally related note my young justice story has given me some writer's block which I hope I'll be able to get out of, sorry for the long wait.

Reviews would be ah-mazing.