A/N been watching some old Bill episodes lately and couldn't help but write a little something. Set after the end of the show. Let me know what you think of it. Hopefully there are still some Bill fans out there.
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Revelations
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DS Max Carter sat on the barstool, staring down blankly into his pint of beer. He'd clocked off a couple of hours ago and had been at the pub ever since. His feet tapped impatiently and he couldn't help but fidget as he sat. He'd managed to keep the habit under control lately, he'd laid off the hard stuff and reverted to the odd cigarette when the urge hit him. Terry's warning to go to the DI had shaken him a little harder than he'd wanted to admit and he realised exactly how much he did value his job and his reputation. After all those years spent looking down his nose at cocaine heads, he'd looked into the mirror one day and realised that was exactly what he'd become. For the first time in his life, he was truly and deeply ashamed of himself. But like any addict, and shamefully he did admit he was an addict, he couldn't go cold turkey. Once again, he needed that hit. That rush!
So he sat in the bar surrounded by old drunks and youngsters trying to con the publican into believing they really were 18, waiting for his dealer to arrive with the goods. "You've survived 4 weeks without it Max", he told himself. "You deserve a tiny hit". Downing the last of his beer in one gulp, he felt his phone vibrate inside his jean pocket and fished it out.
"Don't want to come inside, meet me in Wilcroft Alley", the message read from his dealer, Aiden. They'd met through a friend of a friend and Max was now of Aiden's regular. Of course, Max hadn't told him he was a police officer, he didn't dare to…that was a secret too big, and it only took a slip of the tongue for the entire London force to find out that DS Max Carter was actually a crack-head. Max respected Aiden, (was that possible?) in the sense that Aiden hadn't reverted to become an addict like most dealer did. The young man had plainly stated the first time Max met him that he was only in the business for the money. He didn't care much for the white powder personally. He was quite a handsome guy, muscly and tall, his head shaved and a large tattoo on his right bicep. Whenever he'd met with Max to exchange, he always had a girl on his arm.
Slamming the glass down onto the counter, Max stood and shrugged on his black coat before exiting the pub. The alley was only a few metres down the road but the chilly winter London air made the sergeant involuntarily shiver inside his coat. Folding his arms close of his body, he turned into the alley and saw Aiden's figure leaning against the brick wall. Next to him, Max made out a female silhouette taking a long drag out of a cigarette. Aiden saw Max and stood straighter to greet him.
"Right mate?", Aiden spoke, sticking out his hand.
"Yeah good", Max shook it hand firmly.
"Let's do this quickly mate…Friday nights are always busy for me".
"No worries", Max fished out his wallet from his back pocket and pulled out a £50 note.
As he held it in his hand, waiting for Aiden to get the goods, the female figure stepped out from behind Aiden's stocky build and revealed herself to Max. The DS was ready to yell out in shock at the face before him, for it was none other than that of PC Millie Brown.
Her brown eyes widened in shock and he saw her entire body stiffen in surprise. She was however managing to hide it better than Max who stood like a statue staring at her, his mouth slightly gaping.
"What's wrong wiv ya?" Aiden interrupted their silent exchange, holding the small packet of drugs close to his person.
"Nothing mate", Max snapped out of his trance, pulling his eyes away from the ginger-haired PC and looked at his dealer. He took a few steps closer and carefully placed the note into Aiden's right hand. He kept walking a few steps further and turned back.
Aiden handed the bag to Millie who took it silently, her face remaining indifferent, Max unable to gauge her thoughts. What the fuck was she doing there? Hanging off the arm of a drug dealer, was she undercover? Was she a hooker? Had she, like Max, succumbed to the euphoria of the white powder? It must have been a good three years since he'd seen her last. Right after the Hopkins toy shop case. He didn't know how to react.
Millie turned her back to Aiden and took the slow steps towards Max who had turned slightly to avoid the gaze of his dealer, he discreetly raised his eyebrow, silently demanding an explanation for her presence. Her brown eyes locked onto his and Max took a better look at her as she approached him slowly. She had on a mini green body-hugging dress that ended mid-thigh. Underneath, thin black tights failed to cover up her alabaster skin and a few small holes in them, along with her messy shoulder length hair completed the 'hooker' look. Her face looked both exhausted and defeated, dark shadows encircling her eyes.
She reached him and stopped only a few inches before him, raising her head, she locked gazes with him. he returned it, frowning slightly, attempting to get some kind of explanation from her.
"Hi", she breathed. A tiny smile forming on her lips. The only genuine thing about her at that moment. The 'prostitute' look didn't suit her, unsettling Max.
"What are you doing here?", he whispered to her, glancing down, reaching out to take the small bag of powder from her.
"I…" she opened her mouth to speak.
"Get on with it Amelia!", Aiden interrupted sharply, causing Millie to jolt slightly. Max swore he could see a glint of fear within her dark eyes, as she turned back to look at the dealer.
Pushing the small packet into the hand of her former boss, she went to turn back but Max quickly grabbed her wrist, pulling her towards him. He glanced down and noticed a few small faint lines on the inside of her wrist, which continued until her elbow.
"Millie…I don't…" he began, his voice filled with confusion.
"Problem mate?", Aiden came over and glowered at Max menacingly, putting a protective arm around Millie's shoulder.
"It's nothing Aiden", Millie spoke gently, turning to the young man, placing a hand on his chest, pushing him slightly. "Let's go".
Max opened his mouth to protest. He couldn't let her go without some kind of explanation of why she was there. Then there was the tiny part of him worried she's tell someone she'd seen DS Max Carter buying drugs.
"You know each other or something?", Aiden pushed gruffly, pulling Millie's skinny frame roughly towards him. She involuntarily let out a small squeak as she was pressed against the muscle of the dealer.
Max flinched, talking a half step towards the pair.
"Let her go mate", he attempted to sound as carelessly innocent as he could. "No need to be rough", he chuckled dryly.
"I'll do whatever the fuck I want crack-head", Aiden exclaimed. "She's my girlfriend".
"Alright, alright", Max raised his arms in surrender.
"Aiden", Millie spoke looking at the grey pavement beneath her "leave it, I don't know the geezer, let's just go".
The dealer gave Max another hard stern glare before turning and walking away, still grasping Millie's upper arm. The young ginger turned her head and looked back at Max who stared at her helplessly.
"Sorry", was all she could mouth.
…
Max entered his small dark flat and involuntarily slammed the door behind him. Throwing his key down onto the coffee table, he pulled out the small packet of cocaine. Looking at it with disgust, he also threw it onto the table. Collapsing down onto the sofa, he rested his head back onto the soft cushion and stared up at the beige ceiling above him. He couldn't bring himself to take the drugs. That urge for them ended the moment he saw her.
The image of her skinny figure in the tiny dress unsettled him incredibly and he couldn't get her terrified, exhausted expression out of his head. Then he thought about the small lines on her wrist and he instantly knew she was self-harming. As a copper, he knew what it looked like, he'd seen enough teenage girls with the same lines on their wrists. He just couldn't imagine Millie Brown doing something like that. She'd been the poster girl for order and self-respect at her time working with him at Sun Hill. Something inside told him she wasn't undercover, she wasn't putting it on. Even Millie would have a limit on keeping up appearances. Had she really become a druggie prostitute? It shook him just how little he could understand about the world.
He stared at the little pouch of cocaine in front of him and suddenly grabbed it. Wanting to take the image of a helpless Millie, he spilt its contents onto the glass table and began preparing the lines which would hopefully blur his overcrowding thoughts.
…..
Walking into the station on Monday morning, Max instantly thought about Millie. After years not thinking about her, it was as if she was everywhere. The image of her pale, tired face and messy hair stuck in his head like superglue and the scars of self-harming just couldn't go away. He decided he needed to reach out to her. To find out why she was hanging around the likes of Aiden and the underworld of cocaine dealers. What had changed with her to make her want to be a part of that scene.
Instead of walking up the stairs to CID, he continued straight until he arrived at Smithy's small office. Knocking on the open door once, he smiled tightly at the uniformed sergeant.
"Not often we see you down here Max", Smithy returned the smile, closing a filing cabinet draw.
"I reserve the special visits for you Smithy", Max grinned, leaning against the doorframe, crossing his arms.
"So what can I do for you?", Smithy asked, sitting down at his desk and turning on the computer monitor.
"This might sound a bit strange…", Max started. "But I'm just wondering if you know what happened to Millie Brown?".
Smithy seemed taken aback and frowned slightly. "Why do you ask Max?".
Max paused for a moment, he didn't want to tell Smithy the real reason he'd seen Millie on the weekend, instead stuffing his hands into his pockets casually.
"I was out with some mates on Friday night and I saw her at a pub with some mates. I was just wondering whatever happened to her, you know?".
Smithy seemed puzzled by this explanation, as though he didn't completely believe it, but didn't push it further. "I don't really know Max", Smithy told him genuinely. "She just came to me a few years back and told me she was leaving Sun Hill…didn't say whether it was so join another nick, or to quit altogether. She just left. I'm as much in the dark as you are".
Max nodded, taking in the information solemnly.
"You wouldn't happen to have a contact number by any chance?", Max inquired, attempting to sound as causal as he could. "She left her ID on the counter when she was ordering drinks".
Smithy held back a smile, he didn't believe Max for a split second, but was also interested in knowing what had happened to the ginger-haired PC.
He typed a new letters into the keyboard and his eyes lit up. "Ahh…no contact number, sorry Max, but I do have her address….well her address from 3 years ago anyway".
"I'll post her the ID then", Max replied, trying to sound relieved, he didn't want to sound like he was chasing Millie, he was only trying to contact her out of kindness- to return the "lost ID".
Scribbling it down on a post-it note, Smithy seemed reluctant to give Max the address. Millie had been one of the good ones and he wasn't particularly comfortable with handing out her address to the man who had seemed to intimidate her during her time working at Sun Hill.
Sighing, he passed the paper to Max. "Let me know if you hear from her Max, let her know I said hi".
"Will do", Max nodded, his expression remaining blank. "Thanks for this Smithy".
…..
Max sat in his car, glancing from the small yellow piece of paper to the small dingy townhouse in front of him. It was the correct address, but somehow he just couldn't bring himself to imagine that Millie Brown lived in conditions as bad as this. Then again, recent events just proved how well he didn't know her. Sighing heavily, he got out of the car and crossed the road towards her place. He took the three steps slowly, this mind racing.
Sighing once more, he tapped on the door twice and took a step back, turning his back to the door.
"Yes?", he heard a voice gently speak.
He knew instantly it was her. He whipped around to came face to face with her skinny, ghostly white figure.
"Sarge!", she gasped. "What are you doing here?".
"I could say the same about you", Max frowned, his hands resting on his hips. "Millie I….".
"Come inside quick", she ushered him in, opening the door wider and stepping aside. He entered and watched as she closed the door behind her, securing the chain and checking the knob was locked twice. In the cold light of day, he took her in properly.
She had on black leggings, a navy blue sweatshirt and green turban like headband to keep her auburn ginger hair out of her face. She still had the dark circles around her eyes exhausted eyes but the long sleeved top managed to keep the cuts on her wrist hidden.
"How did you find me?", she spoke softly, avoiding his gaze, almost like she was afraid of him.
"I'm a detective PC Brown", Max smiled wryly. "I know how to find people".
"Right", Millie nodded, a hint of a smile curling her thin lips. "It's not PC anymore Sarge", she wrapped her arms around herself. "Just plain old Amelia Brown".
Max nodded and stuffed his hands into his pocket, but he kept his eyes trained on her, attempting to gauge some kind of emotion from her. Right now all he was getting was discomfort and….fear.
"Why are you here?", she frowned, walking down the hall and into the living room.
"I wanted to talk to you about Friday night Millie", he followed her. "I want to know what happened to you, how did you end up with Aiden King?".
"Long story", she smiled ironically, sitting on the armchair with her legs crossed underneath her.
"I've got time", Max replied with a shrug, sitting down on another armchair across from her.
"I just…" she paused with a heavy sigh. "I had to get out of the force….after the whole toy shop thing, it just didn't feel the same…it didn't feel right".
Max swallowed uncomfortably. He could still remember that day like it was yesterday. He nodded encouragingly for her to continue speaking.
"I left Sun Hill and did some work for SOCA for a bit", she pulled down her sleeves so they covered her hands. "But that only lasted a year and I quit the police altogether".
"Then what?", Max pushed gently, leaning back in the seat.
"Eventually I couldn't pay the rent anymore, so I moved in with my sister and her boyfriend for a bit", she explained. "Then one night I was out partying and met his guy Daniel. He didn't tell me his last name or nothing. We got close and he told me about this job he had going with someone else…", Millie glanced uncomfortably at the carpeted floor beneath her.
"I don't understand Millie", Max frowned. "What job?"
"Prostitution", Millie whispered, fighting back tears. "He had a few brothels up and running and asked if I was interested. He knew my financial….situation".
"So you…?", Max raised his eyebrows.
"Yeah", Millie nodded, a tear rolling down her cheek. "At first, it kinda seemed interesting. It felt kinda weirdly great to let go of that old wound-up tight-arse Millie and be something I never thought I'd be".
Max completely understood. It was same with him and the cocaine, it felt amazing to rebel against the stony face moody police officer he appeared as. That was half the rush.
"The first few months I was ok", she continued. It was like confession time for her, it felt good to finally be telling someone. "Once I got enough cash, I started renting this place", her arm swept around the room.
"I'm sensing a 'but'", Max told her.
"But", she grinned, "there comes a time in every prostitutes life, when she realised just how disgusting her actions really truly are. I had that epiphany quite early", she smiled mordantly.
"You don't do it anymore?", Max questioned.
"On and off", Millie shook her head. "If I'm tight on cash, I call around to some regular and see if they're interested".
Max nodded silently. "How did you meet King?".
"He was a friend of Daniel. Daniel does girls and Aiden does coke…they're bound to attract each other", she let out a small laugh. It was the first sign of the old Millie Max had seen from her.
"I don't even know if we're together" Millie shrugged carelessly. "But he's generally nice to me and gives me protection and a friendly face".
Max smiled uncomfortably and glanced at Millie who was staring at him knowingly. "I won't tell Sarge", she spoke. "Nor do I judge".
"About what?".
"I'll bet a day's wage you weren't buying that cocaine from Aiden as part of some sting operation. I've been in the business long enough to know a user when I see one".
Max looked away shamefully. "It's not something I'm proud of Millie", he looked down at his clasped hands.
"So we've both got something to be ashamed of", Millie smiled warmly at him. "Who'd have thought it. Miss goody-two-shoes and Sergeant grumpy-detective-pants gone completely off the rails".
Max couldn't help but let out a stifled laugh. "Did you really just call me that?" he grinned.
"Yep!", Millie smiled brightly. Max couldn't help but notice some colour returning to her sickly pale looking face. She continued to smile as she rose from her seat. "Cup of tea?", she offered.
"Sure", Max agreed, standing and following her to the kitchen. She walked around and filled the kettle as Max leant down on the bench separating them.
"So I still haven't told me what you were doing with Aiden on Friday", Max spoke.
"Sometimes I go with Aiden on his rounds", Millie shrugged, flicking the switch on the kettle. "It makes him look more inconspicuous and I get around to some clients too. Plus Aiden is friends with heaps of club owners and I've been trying to get a singing gig recently, so he's introducing me to a few people".
'I didn't know you had a voice on you", Max spoke kindly.
"You didn't know many things about me Sarge", Millie replied with a playful smile.
Max simply gazed at her warmly, maintaining a genuine smile. It was true, there were a lot of things he didn't know about her and she didn't know about him. He felt somewhat guilty. He had been heavily involved in the toy shop case and couldn't help but feel he'd driven her to her dire predicament. He could completely understand her predicament and why she had done what she'd done…he was in a way going through the same thing with the cocaine. It wasn't just an ego-booster, it made him feel something.
Max sighed heavily and leaned in further towards Millie across the bench. "Are you ok?" he asked genuinely.
Millie's smile dropped slightly and she paused for a moment before replying. "Sometimes", she began "I'm not and I go 'dark', I just don't see the point anymore". Max couldn't help but glance momentarily at her covered wrists and what he'd seen a couple of days before.
"But mostly", she continued, "I am ok", she smiled gently. "I think it's better this way".
Max nodded in understanding.
"I miss Sun Hill", Millie's smile turned sad. "I miss all the girls and Roger and Nate and Ben. I miss the feeling of being a part of something. I miss helping people. I miss being important".
Max couldn't help but reach out and take her hand. "Millie you are important. Everyone has someone to love them".
Millie seemed slightly shocked by the words coming out of Max Carter's mouth, but he seemed really genuine and kind and Millie felt herself relax under his grip.
"After my parents found out I left the force and starting work as…you know", she glanced down at the bench. "They completely stopped talking to me. Even called me a 'fucking embarrassment'", she let out a small wry chuckle. "My sister lives up in Glasgow with her boyfriend, she found out through my parents and completely ignores me now. My brother is actually being ok. He understands my reasons and respects my decisions. We don't really talk about it".
"I'm so sorry Millie", Max gently squeezed her hand.
Millie laughed tearfully, freeing her hand from his grasp to wipe away the tears escaping her eyes. "Nobody loves me anymore Sarge".
Walking around the bench, he stood directly in front of Millie and pulled her into a hug. Slightly taken aback, Millie allowed herself to melt into his embrace, resting her head on his warm chest. She listened to the steady rhythm of his heart beating and took a deep breath, inhaling his scent. Part of her felt awkward hugging the man who had once called her dumb and completely disregarded her, but this was a different Max Carter, and she was beginning to feel really comfortable with him.
Slowly, they separated, but Millie paused only a few inches away from him and looked up into his eyes.
"What?", he smiled.
"I trying to figure you out DS Carter", she mirrored his smile. "You're one strange man".
"So I've been told", he chuckled.
"Thank you", she told him simply.
"For what?", he frowned slightly.
"For listening. For caring".
"No Millie", he shook his head, squeezing her upper arms softly. "I have to thank you. I'm kicking the drugs. I can't do them anymore. I hate that Max, I don't understand how I allowed myself to become him".
"That's great", she smiled genuinely "I'm happy for you Max". Millie's eyes flickered from his eyes to his lips. Smiling nervously, she leaned in and planted a small peck on his lips. She glanced at him, waiting for a reaction. Instead, Max grinned and leaned in, kissing her passionately.
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