Daily Prophet
"Letters to the dead section";
Two years from the loss
Dear Draco,
It has been two years, and yet I don't know what to do. My whole body hurts, and still there is nothing I can do or say to stop the pain running through my veins.
During this period I couldn't find one single reason why I should keep on fighting, or at least holding on. I just want to let go, to follow you, but deep in my heart I know that isn't a solution at all. Letting go doesn't mean forgetting, and that is what I need. To forget, to clean my mind from all your memories. But how can I do that? It isn't as easy as it seems. What I required is to find a way, a simple way which can help me with my miserable feeling, with my broken heart. But the truth is that during the past two years I have been trying to find it, clueless. And if I can't find it while I am alive, how am I supposed to find it while I am dead? No, there is no doubt that killing myself isn't the right thing to do.
And some days ago I also found out that you can't forget, you can't let go, because this is what life is about; remembering.
"There's no way I am ever going to recover from this." - I kept telling myself.
I can assure everybody now, that I'm stable. I'm not going to say I'm happy, because I'll be lying, but I'm honestly fine. I've learnt the hardest way, unfortunately. You'd be probably wondering how. I decided to go beyond, to stop being part of this world without truly leaving. In which way? Using my imagination, and mixing it with my greatest memories. I looked through my past, and I found something I used to adore; some grey, deep and beautiful eyes. Your piercing eyes. I used to love them so much. I could see happiness in them when you were staring at me, while I was seeing my reflection. When you held me in your arms. Merlin, that was bliss.
"And now that you are gone, gone forever, that is everything I have". - I kept thinking.
But I didn't let that idea get on my way. I carried on with my plan, and every single time my aching body threatens to crumble, and the tears to slip out, I think about them and the pain slows down. Just a bit, but at least I can continue with my life. As if that could happen.
I finally reached the way to get up every morning, eat something and go to work. You know, being an auror is not that undemanding. We used to talk about how tiring our jobs were. And much more when the only thing that everybody can talk about is the death of the love of your life that left you on your own without one simple explanation.
Because that Monday evening you just left, without telling me where the hell you were going. I was so worried… you have no idea. And after some days, some aurors told me they had found you dead in the street. You kicked the bucket, Merlin knows how, and I didn't get a chance to say good bye.
Even though two years has passed, nobody forgets you, no matter how hard they try. No matter how hard I try. Not even one person knows what really happened to you, why you left, or why you died. What they all know is what a good person you had become, and how much worthwhile you were. I'm sorry for the ones who didn't have the possibility to know you soon enough, but I'm grateful I did.
What I do know for certain is that as long as I live, every second I spent with you will stay in my memory, as sharp as when we lived it. And I will always adore you like the very same moment I saw you, back at Hogwarts.
I love you Draco Malfoy, and I will always do. You don't know how much I miss you.
Forever yours
Hermione Granger
